(NeoAU1) Memoirs of a Sword - Part 3
by Salty Hakuouki
Summary: Saito wakes up in the forest after his defeat against Kazama Chikage. Painfully, the events come back to his memory... His wife Chizuru is gone, captured, she sacrificed herself to save his life... But he will not abandon her to her fate. SaitoXChizuru Canon - AU in Saito’s POV. Now complete but there is a part 4. M-Rated Chapters : 14, 33, 43
1. Previously

**Hi ! Welcome to « What I do not say, I still feel - Part 3 » ! **

TRIGGER WARNINGS : The first part was already rated M because of violence, murder, rape (non explicit) and sexual and adult themes. This part 3 is still rated M for these reasons.

M-rated chapters : chapter 14 Morning, chapter 33 Sin and chapter 43 Kofu for the moment.

**When I started this story, I never thought it would be this long but now, here we are ! Just like for Part 2, if you don't want to read Part 1 and 2 and want to start the story now, here's a summary ! Politics and context first then the SaiChi relation (part1 part2). Don't read if you haven't read these parts before and don't want to spoil yourself. **

**Politics and context :**

The battle of Toba-Fushimi was a total fiasco for the shogunate troops. Although the SatCho had only a third of their effectives, they were better organized and equipped with modern guns and weapons. The Shinsengumi divided itself in three teams :

The Fushimi magistrate's office team composed of Inoue and Yamazaki is dead and the building in flames.

Saito was sent to Ryu'un temple to take down a cannon. He lost all his unit and had to retreat to Osaka.

Okita and Kondou, are already in Osaka, supposedly safe.

The others were attacking the enemy headquarters at Gokounomiya shrine. We have no news from them.

The action starts in January 1868, just after Toba-Fushimi. Saito has been left for dead in a forest after a battle against Kazama Chikage who forced Chizuru to accompany him.

**Saichi part 1 :**

At first, Saito felt like Chizuru was nothing more but a bother but he eventually fell in love with her. Souji was teasing him all the time about it but Saito didn't want a relationship. He had the feeling that it would be dishonorable to be with her without marrying her and so he restrained himself. He met Yuki, an oiran who looked vaguely like Chizuru, and started to see her a lot as a decoy. She dared him to confess to the woman he love and he eventually did it when he took her to Gion's festival. She answered his feelings and they kept their relationship secret.

Hijikata decided to use Chizuru as a spy and disguised her and Heisuke as maikos to gather informations in a tea house. Saito could only see her from afar for months and had joined Sannan for night rounds to give a report on the Rasetsu corp. One night, Chizuru was nearly raped and Saito saved her. From then, he decided that Heisuke wasn't enough and that he would find assure her protection. The okiya wanted to sell Chizuru's virginity and Saito, with the help of Yuki, who became his friend, disguised as a geiko to get into the tea house and got violent with the man willing to buy Chizuru's virginity. Chizuru went back to the compound and no one knew that Saito was involved except from Heisuke who held his tongue.

For their birthday in February, Saito brought Chizuru to eat castellas and he got guilty because it was time for her to find a husband and he couldn't marry her. He asked her to promise him she wouldn't waste her life on his account but she refused, telling him she'd walk by his side even if he could never marry her.

After the fail of the rescue of Sakamoto, Chizuru got missing for hours and Saito restlessly searched Kyoto for her before Shimada told him she was back at the compound. Due to his fear of loosing her (and Souji stealing his futon) he got in her room and they spent a night together platonically. Saito didn't want to be the one dishonoring her.

After the loss of Tairô, a member of his unit, they both felt a lot of grief and were splattered in blood. They went to the bathroom but their need for confort made them fall into each other's arms and Chizuru got her first time. After it, they took a bath together and Saito asked if she resented him for taking away her innocence. She said she'd have to find a husband who doesn't care if his wife is spoiled and Saito told her she's not marrying anyone but him.

They started spending most of their nights together platonically until Chizuru's birthday, when Saito made homemade castellas to celebrate, taking the excuse of his birthday for the other captains. After the dinner he joined Chizuru in her room and made love to her but when Chizuru orgasmed, her eyes lit with a golden color. Saito was totally confused by the sight of it.

**SaiChi part 2 :**

Saito left with Ito and left his wakizashi with Chizuru as guardian of his honor. During his stay, Chizuru lost a child and Saito had a lot of difficulty to overcome this loss. Yuki, the oiran, helped him a lot and talked to him about her own daughter, Haruhi, taken away from her when she was a baby. Chizuru was sent to Osaka to learn medecine with Matsumoto-sensei.

Saito stayed 6 months with the guardians. He saved Chizuru who was abducted by Amagiri and learned that she was a demon but his feelings for her weren't impacted.

Saito got a lot of money for the murder of Takeda Kanryuusai and used it to free Yuki the oiran from her pleasure house but he discovered that she betrayed him and wanted to poison him. He abandoned her just after.

He came back eventually and defended the compound against Kazama while the others were taking care of Ito. He took back Chizuru to her room and they shared a moment together. In the morning she gave him back his honor and he went to ask Kondou-san for permission to marry her. He agreed but first they were sent on mission together at Tenmaya to protect Miura Kyutaro.

They prepared their wedding while at the inn and Chizuru started working with Sannan on the Ochimizu. Yuki came to visit Saito who was very cold with her. She took her own life after their discussion.

The night the Tosa attacked the Inn, Chizuru got abducted by Kaoru but she managed to free herself, turning into her demon self. She had trouble turning back into her normal self and Saito helped her hide to get back to the inn. She was worried that Saito wouldn't marry her now that she was a monster with horns but he reassured her. They married the next day with all the Shinsengumi there.

A month later, Chizuru's experiments took a turn that Saito didn't like, using her demon blood. She didn't listen though and kept doing her research.

Saito found Haruhi, Yuki's daughter, in a pleasure house. She was a child prostitute and Saito adopted her.

Kaoru came to the headquarters. She wanted to take Chizuru to safety with her and Kazama since Kyoto was soon to be a battlefield. Saito informed her that she was her wife now and wasn't going anywhere. Kaoru reminded him that a marriage wasn't official before the conception of the first child and Saito began to fear that Kazama could still come for her.

Sannan gave to everyone a vial of Ochimizu and medecine made with Chizuru's blood in case of emergency and Saito sent Haruhi to Osaka with Okita and Kondou-san to put her to safety. Chizuru stayed as doctor.

While Saito was trying to get to Ryu'un temple, Chizuru came to deliver a message and got shot in the stomach. Amagiri Kyuju who was on the other side, performed first aid and fought Saito who didn't wanted to let Kazama have her. Amagiri let them go and Saito carried Chizuru to Yodo castle but they shot him. He carried Chizuru out of town, direction Osaka. The hours passed and Chizuru was getting better, healing, while Saito's condition was getting worse, with infection and fever. They were only two hours away from Osaka when Kazama found them and he totally overpowered Saito. Chizuru sacrificed herself to save Saito's life and she followed Kazama while Saito was dying from all his wounds on the forest floor.

**Other info :**

Chizuru is learning eastern medecine with Yamazaki and western medecine. She has been recognized as a official doctor of the Bakufu and member of the Shinsengumi. Some people adress to her as Saito-sensei.

She also learned Hokushin Itto-Ryû with Heisuke and then Nagakura.


	2. Awake

A dim light was invading the forest as the sun was rising and I opened my eyes, confused. Pain was gone and the fever too but I was still lying on the forest floor in my tored bloodstained kimono. Either the afterlife looked a lot like the normal world or I wasn't dead yet. My hand wasn't clenching to my katana anymore, it was lying next to me. I must have dropped it at some point... My fist was closed on something though and I opened it to have a look. It was Haruhi's little origami crane, all crushed by my hand.

_A lucky charm... Did I really got so desperate that I relied on luck ? _

I had kept it in my sleeve pocket since the day she offered it to me. It was with the rest, the hairpins, the medecine, the...

_The Ochimizu._

I looked around me and found it. The little vial was empty. I opened my bloodstained kimono to look at my body. Kazama's cuts weren't there anymore, neither was my bullet wound. Even all the ancient scars covering my chest were gone.

_I drank it... Why can't I remember ?_

I closed my kimono and looked in my pocket. The rest was still there. I looked around me. My swords... Yeah, both there too. Good. My scarf was missing, though. Where...

_Oh yes... It was around Chizuru's stomach..._

« Chizuru ! » I shouted suddenly.

She was gone. She followed Kazama to save my life. Everything was coming back to my mind, in a painful swirl of memories.

_How long did I stay here ? Has she been gone for minutes ? Hours ? Days ? And to where ? _

I stood up, full of energy, anger, hatred... fear. I failed to protect her and Kazama got what he wanted. Not on my watch. Not as long as I would be breathing. Now that I was a Rasetsu, I could be powerful enough to save her.

_A Rasetsu... That's what I am now... A bloodthirsty monster... _

I didn't know where Kazama could have taken her though. I knew he was a demon of the west but the west... That could mean anything. I had to find some informations first... Maybe Sen would know. But how to find her ?

_She's a princess of... the Yase clan... If I recall. Yase... That's in the mountains, north of Kyoto. I'm... south... Two hours away from Osaka..._

I was at a crossroad. I could go back to Kyoto, find the Yase clan and try to get some help to find Chizuru or, I could go closer, to Osaka, maybe find what remained of the Shinsengumi and the shogunate army.

_Going back to Kyoto by foot could take me nearly a day. If I walk to Osaka, maybe I could get a horse there... But I have no guarantee that they'll allow me to get back to Kyoto... _

I heard some footsteps approaching and I instinctively took a defensive stance, grabbing quickly my katana on the floor.

« Saito-san ? » I heard « Do not fear, we are going to show ourselves. Please sheath your sword, we are unarmed. »

I didn't know that voice, could as well be a trap. Yet, I did what he said. My sword sheathed was as deadly anyway.

I saw the man approaching. He was tall and muscular with short silver hair and a giant scar on his face. His eyes were grey and shimmering like steel. He was wearing a white hakama on a grey kimono and didn't looked armed. He seemed to be about fifty years old. He was followed by a gorgeous woman, younger, maybe in her early twenties. Just like him, she had silver eyes but her hair were ginger, flowing around her and reaching her hips. She was wearing a white hakama as well, on a auburn kimono, and didn't seem armed neither. Both their faces were thin with bulging cheekbones and it was obvious that they shared the same blood. There was something odd about them, something predatory. They were probably good hunters and I hoped I wasn't the kind of prey they were looking for.

« I am Yasha Koan » he said, bowing « and this is my daughter, Yasha Mika. We belong to the Yase clan. »

_The Yase clan ?! Good, they could tell me where to find Kazama._

« Did Sen-himesama send you ? » I asked, cautious.

« She did. » he confirmed, nodding « we are ordered to escort you to Osaka castle. »

« Is Sen-himesama in Osaka ? » I asked, puzzled.

« She is. » he nodded again « with the heir of the Yukimura clan. »

« Chizuru ?! » I murmured, my eyes widened in disbelief.

« Herself. You have a valuable ally, Saito-san. » he explained « Amagiri Kyuju came to find our princess, telling her that Yukimura-himesama was getting out of Kyoto but that Kazama-oujisama was on her tracks. Yase has been vassal of Yukimura in the past. A lot of family bounds were created between our two clans. The princess mobilized all our warriors for this rescue mission. As powerful as Kazama-oujisama could be, he cannot oppose an entire clan. The Yukimura heir is safe in Osaka with our princess and both of them are awaiting your presence. »

I would have hugged him. Truly. They saved her. They did what I failed to do and got her out of Kazama's clutch. She was only two hours away and I couldn't wait to be with her once more.

« Alright. » I just said in my toneless voice, not letting my emotions leak from my inexpressive mask. « Thank you, Yasha-san. »

« You should thank Mika. She's the one who found you. She always had flair to track down people. » he said with amusement dancing in his silver eyes.

« Thank you, Yasha-san » I bowed respectfully to Mika and she bowed in return, polite.

« Let's get going then. » she said, looking at her father who nodded in response.

We walked quietly in the forest. Their steps were assured and silent, as expected from people used to hide their existence to the rest of the country. They weren't big talkers either but I didn't mind. I didn't know them yet and I wasn't really eager to do small-talk with strangers.

The sun was now totally up and with it a whole new pain. My flesh was like burning from the inside and even if I was keeping my emotionless mask in front of the two Yase, I was feeling more and more tired. I knew it was link to my Rasetsu condition but I refused to surrender to it and kept walking with confidence, not letting anyone see the turmoil inside me.

Mika stopped and her father too. She was looking around us and I wondered what could have provoke that reaction.

« What's the matter, Mika ? » asked her father.

« Gunpowder. » she replied « Can't you smell it ? »

I tried as much as I could but I couldn't smell anything. I only could smell...

« Ugh... » I growned, a whole new pain adding to the sunlight.

It was unbearable. A hunger like never I experienced before. I could smell Mika and Koan's blood underneath their skin. It scented... not so good actually... but I still craved it. I guess trying to focus on my sense of smell wasn't a really good idea as a Rasetsu. I'd better remember that.

« You know my smell isn't as good as it was, now... » replied Koan, not paying attention to me « I'm getting older. »

I fell to my knees, the pain unbearable. It was as if my intestines and stomach were eating themselves, tearing themselves appart. I began panting heavily, sweat flowing from all my body pores.

« Hey, what is this ? » asked Mika to her father. « He's an Oni ? I wasn't informed. »

Surprise wasn't tainting her voice, only curiosity and its with the same curiosity that her father crouched to look at me.

« The white hair could indicate an Oni form but his eyes are crimson. Doesn't look like a normal demon. » he answered, studying my features. « What are you, boy ? I thought you were human. »

_It's been a long time anyone called me « boy »... _

I didn't reply and pushed him away. I wanted to unsheathe my sword and cut through him to feast on his blood. That was unacceptable. I refused to become a monster, whatever I chose to turn myself into. I would not surrender to my instincts. I dug into my pocket to find the medecine. I took one and unfolded it, swallowing the powder.

_A powder made with Chizuru's blood... How obscene for me to eat this... But if I want to be reunited with her the sooner the better, I needed this right now. After I get a full understanding of my condition, I'll find an alternative. _

Guilt replaced the pain, getting away, and I started to be able to breathe again. Chizuru was right. I was starting to get an understanding of what it meant to be a Rasetsu and it wasn't life. How could I continue to live an honorable life with an uncontrolable thirst for human blood ?

« Funny. » said Mika « his hair are raven-like again. »

« What was that powder, Saito-san ? » asked Koan.

« A medecine. » I replied coldly « Nothing of your concern. Lets go. »

I stood up, still feeling my body burning from inside because of the sunlight but the bloodlust was gone. I didn't know for how long though and I only got four bags of powder left. I needed to see Chizuru. She would know what to do.


	3. Osaka

We resumed walking silently, reducing the distance between Chizuru and I. Mika was impressive at avoiding the imperialists. Everytime, she could sense the smell of gunpowder even before we could hear or see anything. We evade each trap set up by the Satcho to catch shogunate affiliated warriors very easily, thanks to her. When we finally arrived to Osaka, I was craving to get inside and stop bathing in the sunlight.

« We leave you here, Saito-san. » said Koan with a bow.

« Ha. » I replied, bowing as well « thank you for escorting me. »

I was wondering why they wouldn't come with me, especially if their princess was inside. She was their superior so they should report to her, shouldn't they ? Demons were really strange in my opinion. Mika saluted me too and smiled for the first time of the day. She was even more beautiful when she did it and I felt something strange in my chest. It wasn't a pure love like the one I share with Chizuru, neither carnal desire, but it was... something... I couldn't really put my finger on it... They turned their back on me and went back to the forest as the doors of the Osaka Castle opened for me.

« Hajime ! »

I didn't have time to set even a foot inside that already, I had arms wrapped around my neck and a cheek against mine. I closed my arms on the little body that wasn't touching the ground anymore.

« Haruhi. I'm back. » I just said and she chuckled while sobbing.

« They told me you were dead ! » she cried « I knew it was nothing but lies ! »

I wanted to hold her longer in my arms to reassure her but her proximity was starting to be dangerous for me, or should I say, for her. I could smell the blood beneath her skin and the hunger, lingering, was starting to awake, especially since hers scent a lot better than the one of my escort. I crouched and detached her from my body before standing up again and I got the crushed paper crane from my sleeve to give it to her.

« It protected me. Thank you, Haruhi. » I said and I saw her smile grow bigger « I'm afraid it got damaged in the process, though »

« She'll make you another one » I heard from the side « it's like her new hobby. »

« Souji. » I saluted my friend, relieved to find him well.

He came closer and served me his trademark grin, crossing his arms.

« You're late. » he scolded me.

« I got delayed. »

« I can see that... » he replied looking at me from head to toe « you look awful. »

I smirked but didn't answer. It was Souji's way to express how afraid he had been.

« Even Chizuru-chan arrived before you and we can't really say she's a very good walker. The rest is already gone, by the way. » he added.

« Gone ? » I asked.

« Well the ones who survived, at least. We're still waiting for Inoue and Yamazaki but we don't have much hope. »

« They're dead. » I told him. « Defending the magistrate's office. »

« I thought so... » he replied « You'd better report this to Kondou-san. »

« I will. » I nodded « What about the others ? »

« Toshi, Sano, Shinpachi, Shimada are all safe. Heisuke and Sannan too. They retreated here after the debacle of the attack on Gokounomiya shrine. Even the Rasetsu couldn't do shit against their guns, something about silver bullets or whatever. They arrived here to regroup with the rest of the shogunate army but only to find out that lord Yoshinobu has already fled back to Edo... »

« Lord Yoshinobu ? » I repeated, surprised.

_What kind of leader throws his men into battle only to retreat as soon as they start fighting ? Could it really be true that our Shogun acted like such a coward ?_

« Yeah... He embarked on a ship as soon as he could. Toshi was furious. You should have seen him banging his fist on the walls, a true demon. Anyway, they decided to follow lord Yoshinobu and got back to Edo with a ship. They departed yesterday just before Chizuru arrived. »

I nodded. I still had trouble understanding why lord Yoshinobu got on that ship but I needed to keep faith in the shogunate. That was probably a strategical manoeuvre. The commanders should know what they were doing.

« Is she alright? » I asked.

« Depends what you call _alright._ Her body is fine but she seems to be totally depressed and in shock. Not a word got out of her mouth since her arrival. » he sighed with visible concern.

« I need to see her. Can you lead the way ? » I asked, impatient.

« Sure. » he nodded « but maybe you should change and take a bath before. Your smell isn't better than your look. »

That was probably true. With my bloodstained kimono, the stench of blood was palpable and it was coupled to the one of my infection and sweat. Probably not a good idea to impose that to Chizuru. I nodded and he led me to his room to give me a fresh brown wool kimono with a kikkou patern (small hexagons representing tortoiseshells). I noticed all the paper crane everywhere.

« Told you it was her new hobby. » he chuckled « Sano told her that if she did a thousand, she could be granted a wish. Poor girl is trying to cure me. »

That was cute, even if we both knew that it was probably ineffective. Children really could put their faith in anything. I nodded with a small smile and took the brown kimono before heading to the bathroom. I cleaned my body three times to get rid of all the blood, mud and sweat and took a moment to look at my new body. It wasn't so different from the previous one but it still felt strange to have an immaculate skin without any scars. It looked almost as if I was a child again who never fought a single battle... Apart from my absence of scars, the rest was pretty normal. Maybe I was a bit paler... Not sure though... But my muscles were still the same, nor enhanced nor deteriorated... I couldn't wait to train again to see if there really was changements.

I put on the brown kimono and attached back my hair before meeting Souji outside the bathroom.

« That's better. » he nodded « I guess I can lead you to her now, you won't be a mess. »

He led me to a private area upstairs and explained me that Chizuru's room was there with the other women, Sen and Haruhi. Kimigiku was there too but as a bodyguard, she was sharing with Sen. I didn't tell anything but I was happy to see that Haruhi got a bedroom of her own and wasn't sharing Souji's. I guess he understood the message last time they had a « sleepover ».

« Chizuru. » I called from behind the shoji but there was no answer and I turned to Souji.

« See ? » he crossed his arms in concern « not a word... I don't know what happened to her but it must be a terrible shock... »

I put my hand on the shoji but didn't slide it, hesitating. Maybe she needed some time alone ? She had no way of telling me what she wanted from me and I was caught off guard by her absence of answer.

« Go. » said Souji with a smile « You're probably the only one who can cheer her up. And if you don't succeed, you'll be the only one comfortable with her silence anyway. » he added with a wryly grin.

His words gave me the confidence I needed and I slid the shoji to enter the room. Chizuru was there, sitting in seiza like she had been expecting me. She was wearing a new kimono, a yellow one with discreet flowers that you couldn't see from afar, making you believe that the fabric was plain. She didn't smile when I entered, nothing, and I felt guilty for not having been able to protect her. I came closer and sat in front of her. Her eyes were evading mines and it deeply hurt me.

« Chizuru, are you alright ? » I asked in a calm toneless voice.

She didn't answer and I felt a rock in my heart getting bigger. What happened ? Why couldn't I protect her ? Was she mad at me because I failed ?

« Did Kazama hurt you ? » I tried again.

I knew the answer to that question already. Why else could she be traumatized to that extent ? That demon should pray not to cross my path again because I would get revenge. I would track him down like a prey until I could kill him for what he did to her, to us.

« Chizuru... » I begged « talk to me, please... »

The silence was still there, unbroken. I tried to bring my hand to her cheek but she backed off instinctively. It was a small movement, nearly imperceptible, but I saw it and got the message. I wasn't welcome there.

« I promise you, Chizuru. » I said, taking my hand away from her « I'll find Kazama and I'll kill him. He won't get away with it. »

Something changed in her expression, a smile. It wasn't a loving smile or a sad one, no. It looked like... I just said a joke and she was finding it funny. How could she find this funny ? Something really was wrong with her and I hoped she could recover. I stood up, forbidding myself to touch her, hug her, kiss her and all the things I wanted to do now that she was with me again.

« I will come again, Chizuru. » I assured her « Everytime I get the chance, I will come. Things will get better, you'll see. I love you. »

She smiled again like what I just said was only a joke and I exited the room, not knowing myself if I was leaving her some privacy or if I was fleeing her silence and her smile that was unsettling me.

« Did she talk ? » asked Souji and I shook my head to deny. « Hum... I hope she'll start speaking again soon... »

I looked at the closed shoji. I couldn't understand Chizuru anymore. It was like her soul was so far away from mine, like she was a stranger.

« Do you want to see Sen or Kondou first, now ? » he asked again and I turned to him, not letting him see the turmoil inside my heart.

« Kondou-san. » I said firmly « I have a report to make. »


	4. Trauma

Souji led me downstairs, to the part of the castle converted in Matsumoto-sensei's clinic. I was greeted by Kondou-san who seemed well. His shoulder was recovering and there were big chances that he wouldn't have any sequels from the bullet wound. I was glad for that. Our leader would soon be allowed to come fight again by our side.

I told him about Inoue and Yamazaki and I saw the grievance on his face. Inoue had been a long time friend, helping him managing the Shieikan Hall even before all of us joined. Kondou-san had a lot of respect and affection for him and he was glad that Inoue died a samurai, in honor, fighting to defend what he sworn to protect and wearing the Makoto. It meant a lot to him. He assured me that Yamazaki and Inoue's sacrifices wouldn't be forgotten and he asked for a little autel to pray for them.

I then did my report about the Ryu'un temple, how we fell in an ambush and how I lost all my men before fleeing with Chizuru. He reassured me that I made the right choice to protect what I needed to protect. Even if I tried to silence the cannon alone and died with the rest of them, it would have been a meaningless sacrifice since there was nothing I could do all by myself. That brought a bit of warmth in my heart, even if I was still feeling guilty for leading them to certain death. All the men I grew to respect were gone now... Jirô, Tairô, Keisuke... Even Tetsuya, my second. These men believed in me and they all died under my leadership through the years. There was nothing left of the third division apart from its capitain.

My report finished, he informed me that the next ship was in a month and that we would go back to Edo all together. Souji would stay at the clinic of Matsumoto-sensei and Kondou-san and I would join the Shinsengumi once more to protect the Bakufu and repel the SatCho, already walking towards Edo. I agreed with this plan. I wanted to fight along my comrades once more and protect what I believed in.

I spoke to him about Chizuru but he had no more informations to give me and suggested me to ask Sen for answers. I nodded. Sen would be my next stop. Kondou-san was sincerely concerned though and was wondering if it was a good idea to take Chizuru with us and keep her as medical officer. I didn't know about the doctor position but it was clear to me that never I would leave her behind and Kondou-san smiled when I expressed it, telling me that I was lucky to have found someone that I was so dedicated to. He was leaving his wife behind for five years now, seeing his daughter only twice a year. His eyes were sad when he spoke to me about it and I was unsettled. I wasn't really worthy to be a confident to a man as honorable as Kondou-san.

After a while, he told me I could dismiss and I got back to the women quarters to have a conversation with Sen. She had a very big room with a lot of luxurious furnitures, suiting a princess.

« I would like to thank you, Sen-himesama. » I started, bowing « for saving the life of my wife. »

She smiled genuinely and showed me a pillow on the ground. I sat in seiza with her and Kimigiku served me some tea. I hesitated before bringing the beverage to my lips. Could I still eat human food ? I had no information on the subject and Chizuru was mute. Could I get ill ? I decided to take the risk anyway and the tea tasted exactly the same as when I was human. Good. I still could behave accordingly with human beings. Or Oni, for that matter.

« No need to thank me, Saito-san. » she replied politely « it was only natural for the Yase clan to answer the call of Yukimura. »

I nodded and kept silent a few seconds before asking the question that had been burning my lips.

« Did Kazama hurt her ? »

« We unfortunately have no idea... » she sighed, visibly concerned « We managed to surround them while they were walking together in the woods. Mika, your escort, had already met Kazama and so, she was able to track him. We didn't need to bargain or threaten him too long before he surrendered Chizuru to us. Her kimono was totally ruined and covered in blood. Some of it was yours and so I sent Mika and Koan to find you. Their flair is incomparable, it comes from their bloodline. You know the rest. Chizuru has been in shock since then. No one can make her speak or touch her. Kimigiku and I tried to make her take a bath but she pushed us away. She bathed though but alone, and she dresses herself alone too. We don't know how to cure her... We hoped you could do something. »

I thought for a moment. It seemed like a severe trauma and my imagination was running wild about the possible causes of it. Each of my hypothesis was worse than the previous one and my hatred for Kazama was reaching peaks that I never experienced before. I didn't only need to see him dead. I wanted to see him suffer for days for what he did to Chizuru. Most of all, I wanted to know. Making hypothesis in my mind was driving me crazy.

I stood up and bowed politely to Sen. I needed to get back to Chizuru. I would not allow her to plunge into the darkest areas of her mind. I would not let her drown. I would get her out of here.

« Thank you, Sen-himesama. » I bowed « I shall go back to her now. »

« Please do, Saito-san » she bowed in return as I exited the room.

I walked to the one next to it and announced myself even if I knew now that I wouldn't get any answer and got in. Chizuru was arranging her hair in front of a mirror ans she didn't even react to my presence. I came closer to her and sat next to her.

« Can I do something for you, Chizuru ? » I asked in a broken voice.

I couldn't control the pain of witnessing her in that state. She didn't answer and just ignored me. Her eyes were still avoiding mines and I hated it. Maybe if I could look inside her gaze, I could decipher the words she was incapable to say. I grabbed a comb and approached my hand from her. I remembered all the times when she combed my hair, after the wedding, and how nice it felt to have her taking care of me. I thought that maybe, it could bring memories to her and confort her, just like it used to confort me. For me, it was also a selfish way to touch her without intruding. She tensed but didn't move and I passed the comb in her hair, slowly, repeatedly. I felt her relax and again, she smiled as if all this was funny. I couldn't understand that smile and where its roots were coming from.

« Do you like it ? » I eventually asked after minutes of silence.

In a way, it was funny I guess. I always enjoyed silence. I liked to meditate, to be calm and I was most of the time very quiet. But that silence that was imposed on me, that I had no control on, it was terrifying.

« Chizuru-neechan. » I heard from behind the shoji and I answered in her place.

« Ha, come in, Haruhi. »

I put the comb down and arranged Chizuru's hair in a bun and she complied without any fear, which was already progress, I guess. I was feeling like she was nothing but a doll, an imitation of what Chizuru once was. How could anyone break the spirit of someone as strong as her ? She was the strongest person I knew... I was feeling like she was a stranger, I couldn't recognize my wife... That was even more terrifying than the silence.

Haruhi came in with tea and sweets and I felt happy to see Chizuru's smile widen genuinely and her eyes sparkle a bit. She took a sweet in her mouth and her smile grew even bigger. She still had appetite then, that was relieving. Haruhi and I both took a cup and we smiled too.

« Now we're a family again ! » said Haruhi with enthusiasm and Chizuru escaped a muffled laugh.

A sound. A sound got out of her mouth ! It wasn't a word yet but it was something ! She regained her composure though and drank her tea silently. Nothing else got out of her mouth that day.


	5. Practice

Although I was now a Rasetsu, my routine didn't change. I refused to become a creature of the night and so, I was fighting my new nature the better I could. I was waking up in the morning, meditating and practicing my moves outside in the castle courtyard. The sun was burning my flesh every damn time and I was feeling totally exhausted most of the day but I had confidence that if I put enough volition in it, I could get used to it.

Luckily, I hadn't been through another bloodlust episode. I tried my best to ignore my sense of smell and never get too close to anyone, even Chizuru. That was bothering me. I used to love her scent of spices and now, I was just closing my nose the best I could in her presence. I couldn't smell the spices anyway, everytime I lowered my guard, I only scent her blood beneath her skin. Hers had something more, like Sen's and Kimigiku's. I supposed it was because they were Oni but I really was curious to taste it... It smelled so good... No. I would not surrender to my instincts. I wasn't the kind of man to do it in the past, I wouldn't be the kind of man to do it now.

Every morning, after I practiced my moves, I would join Chizuru with sweets and tea and I would comb her hair, trying my best to reassure her. I needed to share something with her and since I couldn't even hug her, it was the only thing I could do. Sometimes, when we were eating sweets, our hands could touch and she would pull it immediately, as if my contact could burn her. She still wasn't speaking but she was often smiling. Everything I could try to make her feel better seemed to amuse her a lot. It was... unsettling...

That morning, I was repeating my moves in the courtyard under the burning sun and the sweat was flowing on my face. I was focusing on my blade to ignore the pain and I smiled when I saw Haruhi joining me with a bokken. She repeated her moves too, of Tennen Rishin Ryû, and I could see that she got more muscular. She was really dedicated to her training. I watched her a moment fighting a training mannequin, silent.

« What ? » she eventually asked, blushing red.

« Nothing. » I answered calmly « you're improving. Maybe I'll allow you to have a wakizashi if you continue this way. »

« Really ?! » she yelled, eyes sparkling in excitement « Souj... Okita-san says I'm not ready yet. »

« He's right. » I confirmed, nodding « that's why I said you must keep training. »

She nodded and her face seemed focused again as she kept practicing.

« Do you want to try against me ? » I asked her and her eyes sparkled some more.

« I'd be honored to fight against a warrior like you ! » she bowed in respect and I was surprised to see that she could be that polite when it comes to swordsmanship.

I bowed too, grabbed a bokken and positioned myself at duel distance. She came at me with force and I blocked her, blow after blow. Still I knew that is was better for her to train with someone rather than a mannequin. Souji was probably still sleeping or maybe he couldn't lift his sword now.

« It's not fair ! » she complained, still attacking « you're not giving me any opening. »

« I don't want to be killed. » I told her in my toneless voice.

« I can't kill you with a bokken. » she objected with furrowed brows.

« If you think this way, you'll never win. » I added with a small smile.

« Then now, I'm gonna kill you, be prepared. » she said with a foxy smile that looked exactly like her mother's.

I escaped a small laugh and she attacked me with more strength but she still was a kid and I dodged all her attacks. A few years back, never would I have crossed swords with her. I would never have had the patience to train with a kid. Even when I started to have feelings for Chizuru and she asked me to train with her, I wasn't really happy to do so and I never went easy on her. I guess things were different when it was your kid. Because now, I totally accepted that Haruhi was my daughter, even if she wasn't my blood.

« I give up... » she said, panting. « You're too strong for me. »

I landed my bokken on her forehead, gently, and smiled.

« You're dead. » I told her « the second you give up, you are dead. »

« You could have killed me a lot sooner... » she objected with a pout.

« True. » I nodded « but your technique is good. »

She smiled, happy to be praised by me and wiped the sweat off her face with the sleeve of her kimono before speaking again.

« When can I get a katana ? » she asked eventually, attacking the mannequin once more.

« You don't have a wakizashi yet and you want a katana ? » I frowned.

« No, just I'm wondering. » she laughed, still landing her bokken on the training mannequin.

I got my katana out of my obi and put it in hers. The tip of the scabbard was touching the ground.

« Go on. » I encouraged her with a malicious smile that I couldn't control.

She looked at the katana on her side and unsheathed it. Nearly. Her arms weren't long enough to get it completely out of the scabbard and she pouted when she realized that she couldn't do it.

« A katana that you can't get out seems to be rather useless, don't you think ? » I asked with a smirk.

« You'll laugh less when I'll be taller than you ! » she pout, giving me back my sword.

I smiled some more. Even if I wasn't that tall, there were low chances in that. But maybe she could be taller than my wife one day. Her mother was.

« Do you think Chizuru-neechan will feel better one day ? » she asked me suddenly.

I didn't reply. I had no idea but I would be here to support her, regardless of her condition. I was her husband and that meant that we would go through everything together, good or bad.

I still had no clue what could have provoke this reaction in her but I was often replaying my fight with Kazama in my head. He threw her against a tree, on the ground, he pulled her hair... And she still went with him to save my life. Words of Kazama were swirling in my head. They were so mean to her... That demon was hell itself...

_« Yukimura. There's a palanquin waiting for you on the road. Go. If __you don't go, I will loose patience and kill him. And believe me when I say you won't have time to open that delicate little neck of yours. »_

_« I have no use for your love. I just need your womb. »  
_

_« No vital is touched but you will die slowly. You'll have all the time to repent. Now you are forgiven for daring spoiling what was rightfully mine. »  
_

Could he have raped her ? Could she already decipher she was with child ? His child ? Could it be the reason of her trauma ?

Suddenly, like a flash, I knew what to do. I needed to see Chizuru and talk to her. I walked at a quick pace and got up the stairs to reach the women quarters. I announced myself like every morning even if I knew that no answer would come. I calmed down, trying to contain my raging emotions, and got in to find her with her hair flowing around her face as expected. Like a ritual, I stayed behind her, grabbed the comb and ran it through her hair gently.

« You look beautiful, Chizuru... » I told her with a small smile.

She didn't reply and just served me her smirk, the new one that looked like she was mocking me all the time.

« I'm sorry I forgot the tea and the sweets on my way up. » I continued « I'll get some after arranging you hair. »

She nodded, still smiling and I looked at her in the mirror. I combed her hair until they were as soft and shiny as silk. They were really beautiful, I wasn't lying to her.

« Look » I told her gently, getting slowly the hairpins out of my sleeves that I kept for so long « I kept them when they dropped from your hair near Ryu'un temple. I figured you'd be happy to wear them again. »

She looked at the three hairpins in front of her and smiled again. I finished the bun and held it in position.

« Could you pass me your favorite one ? You know, the one I offered you just before the wedding. You were always wearing it... »

Her smile faded, replaced by a confused expression, and it reappeared almost instantly as she handed me the silver hairpin.

« Thank you » I said, putting it in her bun with a smile, looking at her chestnut eyes directly from the mirror.

She nodded shyly and I couldn't take it any longer. I lift her up and pined her to a nearby wall against me. I could see fear and surprise in her chestnut gaze but at that point, I didn't even care anymore.

Looking at her directly in the eyes, I lost control.


	6. Hairpin

« Where did that bastard take her ?! » I hissed in anger.

Kaoru just smiled at me and stayed silent so I banged her head on the wall violently.

« Answer me ! » I shouted.

« Saito-san ! »

Sen barged in the room, followed by Kimigiku.

« Saito-san ! » she yelled « Are you insane ? Let go of Chizuru ! »

« That's not Chizuru. » I informed them calmly, my eyes throwing daggers at my prey.

« Kiku, do something ! » said Sen and Kimigiku took a tanto out of her obi.

I unsheathed my wakizashi very quickly and positioned it on Kaoru's neck.

« You move, she's dead. » I threatened « and I would have no remorse. We have been fooled. »

« Alright... » said Sen « We're listening Saito-san... Don't hurt her, please... »

« That is not Chizuru. I should have seen it sooner. That is Chizuru's sister. »

_That's why she felt like a stranger and why she was thinking all my efforts were so funny... That's why she never scent of spices... How she must have laughed inside her sick little head. Well, she'll soon discover that I don't have any more mercy for women than for men when they are my enemies. _

« Chizuru doesn't have any sister... » objected Sen, looking at me as if I was some kind of maniac.

« She does. » I affirmed.

_And that's why she pretended to be traumatized and mute, so that I wouldn't hear her voice and realize that she's an impostor. _

« No, she doesn't. » she denied « She does have family left, like a brother in the Nagumo clan and an uncle but she doesn't have any sister... Sorry Chizuru for keeping these informations from you... » she added.

_A brother ?_

Without warning, I pulled on Kaoru's obi and kimono to expose his bare chest.

« What are you doing, Saito-san ?! » yelled Sen before opening wide eyes « It's... It's a boy... »

A boy. A boy who made me believe he was my wife for days while she was still in the hands of Kazama, taking her away from me with every minutes that passed.

« Kazama tricked us... » I muttered in anger « he made them exchange their clothes and made you rescue Kaoru... That way, you were satisfied, at least for a time, until he got Chizuru out of our reach. »

_Since we all thought she was experiencing a terrible trauma, we didn't force her to talk and didn't touch her which could have revealed that she wasn't who she pretended to be. Chizuru is still with Kazama. _

« H... How...did you ? » stuttered Sen, totally puzzled.

« The palanquin. » I said.

« Which palanquin ? » she asked, even more confused.

« Precisely. You told me Chizuru was on foot with Kazama. But I clearly remember him telling her that a palanquin was waiting for her. She shouldn't have been on foot. » I explained « I didn't realize at first, too focused on her trauma. »

« And that was enough ? » she said in disbelief.

« No. The haipins. » I added « I had doubts so I asked her to give me the hairpin I offered her and she gave me that one. » I showed the silver hairpin in his hair « I hate that hairpin even if I never told Chizuru about it. It was offered to her by Sakamoto Ryouma at the Gion festival three years ago. Chizuru surely remembers that day. »

_I've been so jealous of Sakamoto that day. He took Chizuru away from me to take her on a date. Chizuru couldn't have forgotten. It's the day I confessed my feelings for her and kissed her for the first time. I remember I ruined her bun because of my lack of restraint and then put the hairpins back in her hair. I hesitated a lot to throw this one away out of jealousy. _

« What if I had given the right answer ? » said Kaoru with a grin, finally opening his mouth.

« There was none. The colorful one was from Harada and the wooden one, that's not even Chizuru's. I never offered her a hairpin. »

Silence fell in the room and Kaoru exploded in laughter.

« I thought I could keep up this little act for a bit longer... » he said with a grin « you were so caring my beloved Hajime... It was so cute ! »

I applied pressure on my wakizashi, making his blood pour and my hunger awoke, seeing the crimson liquid trickle down his neck. It wasn't painful like a bloodlust episode but it was a desire I had trouble to dominate. I needed to know how good it tasted. Without noticing, I approached my face and got my tongue out to lick it. It was so good... Like a refined delicacy. It was probably the best thing I ever tasted in my whole life...

« Saito-san, what's happening ?! » yelled Sen, looking at my face.

Kaoru laughed some more « a Rasetsu ! How low did you fell ? »

I regained my composure, backed off from his neck, dominating my thirst for blood, and ignored his question.

« Where is Chizuru ? » I asked him.

« With her rightful husband. » he chuckled.

« I asked you where. » I repeated, applying even more pressure on my wakizashi. I had to restrain myself though, otherwise I would end up slitting his throat and that would be too merciful for him. In addition, I needed answers and I knew that one way or another, I'll get them.

« Why do you care ? » he chuckled again as if my blade on his neck was nothing but a joke.

I didn't reply and took off my wakizashi from his neck, controlling myself. I saw in his chestnut eyes my hair, white as snow, and my crimson pupils. I needed to calm down now, get the control back on my body and mind and not let all my raging emotions take over me. They needed to get back where they belonged, behind the dam of my inexpressive mask. But everytime I was starting to calm myself, mental images of Kazama hurting Chizuru were coming in my mind making my blood boil some more. My Rasetsu condition was making me more sensitive to my emotions. I needed a stronger self discipline.

« It's not like she's still gonna wanna be with you now that you're dead, anyway. » he added with a wry smile, my cut already healing, closing itself.

« I'm not dead. » I replied between my teeth.

« Oh but you are ! Nothing but a living corpse, believe me ! I know a lot about the Ochimizu... I helped creating it with Kodo... You died the minute you took it. Now you can't live anymore and the bloodlust will eventually take you. There is no escape from your fate. »

« Shut up ! » I growled « Tell me where she is. »

« I won't say shit. » he said with a wry smile.

I caught his collar and dragged him behind me.

« Let go of me ! » he yelled in anger but I didn't listen.

« Saito-san ! » scolded Sen in her commanding voice « Nagumo Kaoru is an Oni ! He must face our justice, you can't take him ! »

I looked at her with an burning icy gaze that left no room for all her shit and she didn't move as I continued to drag him down the stairs.

« Saito-san ! I command you to come back ! » she yelled.

« He's mine. » I said with steel in my voice and Kaoru started screaming in fear and calling for help, realizing that maybe, making me mad wasn't that much of a bright idea.


	7. Entertainment

« Souji. » I called behind the wood panel.

« Come in, Hajime-kun ! » he answered and I slid the shoji open.

Souji and Haruhi were playing with paper puppets on their fingers. I could see that they did them themselves and with the hairstyles and kimono color of their characters, I could see quite easily where their inspiration came from.

« Souji. I need you to come with me. » I said, ignoring their puppets « I believe you will find this rather entertaining. »

« Ara, really ? » he replied with a wry smirk « wait a second, I need to ask permission. »

He lifted his finger with on it, a small puppet with a black kimono and a side ponytail.

« Fukuchô. » he asked, mimicking a deep toneless voice « can Okita-san assist me if you don't need him this afternoon ? »

« Alright. » replied Haruhi, chuckling with a puppet with furrowed brows and long black hair tied in a high ponytail « you can go but I'm gonna pout and frown about it all day long because it's the only thing I ever do ! »

« Haruhi ! » I scolded, shocked by her lack of respect towards the vice commander.

« Thank you, Fukuchô. » said Souji, still with the toneless deep voice, and he bent his finger several times to make my puppet bow deeply « I love you Fukuchô. I live to serve you, Fukuchô. Let me kiss you, Fukuchô. »

« Souji. » I sighed « Don't encourage her... »

Haruhi chuckled some more. There was a puppet for all the captains and also other characters like Matsumoto-sensei, Kondou-san, Sen, Chizuru, Kimigiku and a very ugly one with the Tokugawa emblem on his kimono that I supposed was lord Yoshinobu. Such lack of respect was unforgivable. Sannan and Heisuke weren't there but that wasn't surprising. Haruhi didn't know about the Rasetsu. She saw the both of them once at a meeting but that's all. I'm not even sure she realized they were Shinsengumi members.

« Okay, Hajime-kun ! » said Souji, speaking to me with the little puppet representing himself. « I can't resist entertainment ! Let's go ! »

« Can I come ? » asked Haruhi with a wide smile.

« No. » I said in a harsh voice. « You stay here. »

« But it's boring to stay alone ! » she complained, crossing her arms. « And you said it'll be fun ! »

« You stay in this room or you go play in the courtyard but I don't want to see you in the lower levels of the castle otherwise, you'll be severely punished. »

She frowned some more and I could already see that she wasn't going to listen to that order. Damn, Souji had a bad influence on her...

« If you practice your moves and that this evening or the days after, you manage to surprise me and touch me with your bokken, I'll get you a wakizashi. » I said as a diversion.

« Really ?! » she yelled, excited.

« Really. » I nodded.

« Okay ! » she agreed, storming out to practice.

Alone with Souji, I turned to him. « Let's go. »

I started walking and he followed, his arms still crossed.

« What could be so entertaining but that Haruhi cannot witness ? » he asked, faking reflexion. « Who did you catch ? »

I opened the door of the bathroom where I attached and gagged Kaoru, naked on the floor.

« Chizuru ?! » gasped Souji before looking better « with a... »

« It's Chizuru's brother. » I explained « Chizuru never set foot in that castle. »

« Really ? » he asked « damn, that pretty boy fooled everyone... So, what's the plan ? »

« I need answers. » I said in a sharp voice and I saw Kaoru's eyes widen in fear « he's an Oni like Chizuru so I thought we could have a bit of fun and test his healing abilities. »

That time, it was Souji's turn to widen his eyes.

« Ara... This is so not you, Hajime-kun... » he smirked « You killed and tortured before but never have I heard you say it was fun... You were hiding a very dark side under your mask... »

I didn't answer but he was right. I killed before. I tortured before. But I did it by duty. Never had I thought that I could enjoy myself doing it. But for Kaoru, I could make an exception and let go a bit of the tight leash restraining my most despicable side.

I could have done it myself. I didn't need Souji. But there were a few things I was fearing : not being able to hurt him because he had Chizuru's face, loosing control and kill him, and surrender to the thirst as soon as his blood started pouring.

« Before we start, Souji. » I said « I am a Rasetsu. »

« And when were you planning on telling me ?! » he yelled, vexed.

« I'm telling you now. » I sighed « If I loose control, I'd be honored to have the Sword of The Shinsengumi sending me to the afterlife. »

Souji paused for a second and smiled genuinely to me.

« Count on me. » he said and I nodded, happy to know that he would do his duty. « But don't you think it would be better for you to step out ? »

« I'd rather watch. » I said firmly.

« Don't take it personally, Hajime-kun, but if you turn into a mad Rasetsu during my entertainment, you'll spoil the fun. » he smirked « You know you can count on me, I'm not letting him die. And he heals ! It's even easier. »

« Alright. » I said after a moment of silence during which I thought about the possible scenarios.

Souji's protests were only logical. Plus, if I were to turn into a mad Rasetsu, he would probably have trouble stopping me with his decaying body. I beat him quite easily the previous time already. And with Kondou-san and his shoulder, Sen, Haruhi... I could provoke a rampage without anyone to stop me.

We both turned to Kaoru who was pathetically trying to wiggle like a worm to escape, but my bindings were tights, I made sure of it.

« Do we ungag him ? » asked Souji. « It'll be easier for him to answer questions. »

As much as I wanted to hear his screams, I wasn't keen on drawing unwanted attention to the bathroom. I specifically chose this room because it would be easier to clean off the blood when we would be finished and so, be more discreet.

« Not yet. » I said « let's give him a few minutes of reflexion first. »

Souji unsheathed his sword and looked at Kaoru with a sadistic grin.

« Meet _reflexion_ » he chuckled, showing his blade to Kaoru who started crying.

« Souji. » I stopped him as he was walking towards Kaoru « Only cuts that we are sure can heal for the moment. We don't want to kill him. »

« I know, I know... » he replied with a smirk « How many minutes of reflexion do you want ? »

« Until he looses consciousness. Let's see what kind of man he is. » I answered, stepping out. « Wake him up with a bucket and come find me. »

I closed the shoji and waited for the first sounds. When I heard his first muffled screams of pain, they sounded like music to my ear. He deserved to endure everything Souji was doing to him and Souji was deserving a bit of recreation too. It was a win-win situation.

I looked at the small window and saw Haruhi practicing conscientiously in the courtyard. From there, she couldn't hear, see or smell anything, and she was enjoying herself with innocence, completely oblivious to the horrors and untold suffering her father and uncle were causing to a boy just a few steps away.

A few seconds later, I started to scent the delicious smell that was Kaoru's blood and I got away quickly before my instincts took over me, leaving Souji to play that delicate musical instrument that was pain.


	8. Answers

« Saito-san ! » i heard in a commanding voice and I turned to bow to Sen, walking at a quick pace in the courtyard.

« Sen-himesama. »

« Where is Nagumo Kaoru ?! » she yelled with her fists on her hips « Release him at once ! »

I put my finger on my mouth and made a head movement pointing at Haruhi, still training. Since I had nothing better to do, I went to see her progresses and give her advices.

« Nagumo Kaoru is important ! » she continued, whispering now « He's the other heir of the Yukimura clan ! Chizuru has the priority since she's female, and female are always higher ranked than male Oni, but he's still a prince like Kazama ! You can't do as you wish with him ! »

« Don't worry, Sen-himesama. » i replied calmly « I have full control on the situation. »

« What does that even mean ?! » she whispered in anger.

« Haruhi. » i called « when you strike like this, the force must come from your left-hand. You are putting too much strength in your right. You need to balance you strength better. »

Haruhi tried to do as I told her and I nodded. It wasn't perfect but the intention was there. I turned to Sen politely.

« Is there anything else, Sen-himesama ? » i asked with respect.

« Where is he ?! » she asked again.

« Souji is currently asking him a few questions. » i answered to be polite.

« You mean torturing him ? » she gasped.

I didn't answer and reported my attention on Haruhi once more. She seemed to have trouble understanding what I meant.

« Saito-san » she continued « please let go of him and we can find a solution together to get Chizuru back ! »

« Excuse-me, Sen-himesama. » i simply said, joining Haruhi « Look. I'm going to show you like a right-handed. When I attack this way, with one hand, my right arm puts the strength in the blow, right ? » she nodded « then, if I lift my katana above my head to strike a vertical blow on the head of my adversary, my left hand comes to position under my right. Still okay for you ? »

« Hum ! » she nodded vigorously « that's what Okita-san taught me. »

« Saito-san, are you even listening to me ?! » yelled Sen, probably not accustomed to be ignored that superbly.

« Good. » I nodded « So when you are here, with the katana above your head, your left hand charges in energy and she's the one striking, not the right. The right has discharged before with the other blow. You understand ? »

« I think so... » she said, wielding her bokken once more.

She striked with her right hand then lifted her bokken above her head and put her left hand on it. I came closer and grabbed her right hand, taking it off the bokken which fell on the ground.

« Why did you do this ?! » she yelled.

« Because you don't understand. »

I picked up the bokken, striked with my right hand then lifted it above my head, positionned my left and took away my right. The bokken didn't move at all.

« See ? » i said, holding the bokken high « if you cannot take off your right hand then it means you have your strength in it. At that moment, strength comes from your left since the right already striked. It may seem like a detail to you right now but the day you'll have to cut flesh, you'll see the difference. »

I handed her the bokken and she resumed training. I could see her sometimes letting go of her right hand to check if her strength was well balanced. It was better and I felt a kind of proudness. I came back next to Sen who was red with anger.

« Saito-san » she tried again « I know you are angry and you have every right to be but I beg you, release Kaoru. He shouldn't be hurt, you hear me ? »

« I'm sorry, Sen-himesama but that is impossible until I have the informations I need. » i replied calmly « his well-being is totally dependent on his cooperation. In a way, he's hurting himself. »

« I order you ! » she yelled and I froze her in place with a glare.

« I am not part of the Yase clan, neither Nagumo, Yukimura or whatever. You are in no position of ordering me around. There is only one "demon" that has my obedience and that is Hijikata-san. »

She saw that she wouldn't be able to get me to comply and moderated her speach a bit.

« Just... Nothing permanent, alright ? » she asked « can you promise that ? »

« I cannot answer this question for the moment. » i answered and I saw Souji making me signs from the window « Maybe this evening if he cooperates. If he doesn't, we'll start again tomorrow with more persuasive methods. » I bowed « Now, If you'll excuse me. »

She stayed stunned, not knowing what more to say and not accustomed to disobedience and I took the opportunity to leave. I entered the castle from a door as far as possible from the bathroom and made sure I wasn't followed before joining Souji outside the room.

« Is he ready ? » i asked.

« I'm not sure... » replied Souji with a sigh « that healing power is unsettling. He screams and everything and then, it's gone and he's not even keeping the pain. It seems impossible to make him loose consciousness since he heals faster than the pain can exhaust him. Still, he suffered a lot so maybe it's enough, I don't know... »

« Can I get in ? » i asked.

« There's blood everywhere, not sure it's a good idea with your condition. » he crossed his arms with a concerned look.

« Sannan and Toudou are capable of keeping their calm on a battlefield. » i said « I should be able to control myself. »

I was starting to get used to my new body and its new needs. The hunger may have taken me by surprise before but now, I knew what it was and why I was feeling it. Understanding was the first step towards control. I could do it. I could live my life like before and control the bloodlust. If I've been able to overcome the pain of the sun, that was still exhausting me but that I learned to ignore, I could overcome this too.

« As you wish. » he shrugged « but don't take it personally if I keep my sword close. »

I nodded and got in. Blood had splattered everywhere, even on the ceiling. Souji really took the matter at heart. Kaoru was still naked, tied and gagged, trying to make himself as small as possible in a corner. He was covered in his own blood and i threw the water from a bucket at him to take it away. As Souji said, his skin was immaculate underneath, not a scratch. That would probably satisfy Sen.

I crouched in front of him and removed the gag, plunging my deep blue gaze into his eyes that were exactly the same as Chizuru's. I just hoped I would never have hers looking at me with so much terror.

« Where is she ? » i asked calmly.

« With Kazama. » he replied, terrified, and I unsheathed my katana.

« Tell me something I don't know. » i ordered, pointing the tip of my blade on his stomach.

« I don't know where he went, I swear ! » he cried and I dug my sword inside his stomach, making him escape a high-pitched cry of pain.

« That wasn't a satisfying answer. » i continued with the same calm « now you can tell me something I don't know or I can turn my sword inside your stomach. Your call. »

« I swear... » he cried again « I swear I don't know... He could have got back to his clan or followed the SatCho to Edo, I don't know... »

I started turning my sword and he screamed in pain. It was hard to bear, seeing Chizuru's face experiencing so much suffering and knowing I was the cause of it.

« Where is she ? » i repeated.

« I don't know ! » he cried « either Edo or the Kazama clan... He didn't tell me... »

I believed him. He wasn't a strong enough man to lie under torture but this wasn't really helping me.

« Where is the Kazama clan ? » i asked without moving my blade, letting him breath.

I could see that his wound was already healing around the metal. What Amagiri told me was true then. Male Oni really healed faster than female Oni. That wasn't really good news for me who was going after Kazama.

« In Kyūshū ! » he said with a relieved smile « that I know ! It's in Kyūshū ! It's in the Bungo province, near the coast ! There's the gates to hell there, not very far from the village. »

_Kyūshū... Or Edo... _

That really wasn't good news either. A choice would have to be made.

« Thank you. » i said and I took my sword out, making him scream again.

I stood up and joined Souji who was looking at me with a grin.

« Efficient. » he commented « Good work. »

Kaoru was still weeping in the corner and Souji looked down on him with disgust.

« We kill him now ? » he asked and I thought for a moment.

« No ! » yelled Kaoru in fear « No ! Please don't kill me ! »

« Shut up... » sigh Souji « you have nothing else to offer, it's only logical. Don't take it personally. »

« Please... Please don't kill me... » he begged and I came closer to gag him once more. I wasn't in the mood for his pleads.

« It's amazing how his internal organs can heal too... » commented Souji « it's not only the skin then... »

I stayed silent, looking at the wound closing on his stomach. A wound like that one took hours to heal for Chizuru.

« If I pluck his eye out, do you think it can grow back ? » asked Souji with a mischievous grin and Kaoru started to utter muffled sounds.

« If I don't get what I want, we'll try tomorrow. » i nodded « Let's clean this mess. »

We cleaned the bathroom together and took Kaoru to my room where I hid him in a cupboard.

« You make a sound and I kill you. » i threatened him « no one can save you from me. »

He nodded and I closed the door, heading out to share dinner with the others.


	9. Bargain

I grabbed a tray and came to join the others in the dining room. Everyone was already there, even Kondou-san, sitting at Souji's left. There was a tray at Souji's right which I supposed was Haruhi's but she was nowhere to be seen. Sen and Kimigiku's eyes were both throwing daggers at me but I ignored them. I had no intention to comply with their orders. She was no princess of mine.

Walking, I kept my right hand on my tray and quickly unsheathed my katana with my left to block the blow aiming at my back. I turned around and frowned.

« No weapons at the dinner table. » I said coldly.

« Ara » chuckled Souji « I told you it wouldn't work ! »

Haruhi made a pout and I asked her silently with my gaze to put her bokken away. She complied and came back to the dinner table, sitting in front of me, at Souji's right.

« That's not fair... » she complained. « You keep your swords and Souji and Kondou-san too... »

I didn't answer. I wasn't in the mood for her complaints. I started eating silently and peacefully but that peace didn't last long since Sen turned to me to resume our earlier conversation.

« Are you ready to surrender Nagumo Kaoru to us now, Saito-san ? » she asked loud enough for everyone to hear.

« Who's Kaoru, Hajime ? » asked Haruhi, puzzled.

Even Kondou-san was looking at us with curiosity and concern. That princess really was a damn demonic woman.

« Saito-kun, is there something I should know ? » asked Kondou-san with furrowed brows.

« Oooh, so Kondou-san, your commander, doesn't even know ! » added Sen with a mischievous grin « explain to him, Saito-san. »

I put my chopsticks down and had a quick glare in Haruhi's direction before looking at Kondou-san.

« Chizuru is still in the hands of Kazama. Her brother was pretending to be her to lure us. We decided to ask him a few questions and that seems to upset princess Sen. »

Kondou-san nodded. He perfectly knew what asking a few questions meant.

« Kondou-san » asked Sen « can you order him to release Kaoru ? »

« It seems to me that Saito-kun is in his right. » he replied, sipping tea.

« So no one is going to do anything while a boy is getting tortured for hours in that castle ?! » she yelled.

« You're torturing someone, Hajime ? » asked Haruhi with wide eyes.

I sighed. That really was unworthy of a princess to use Haruhi like this to make me bend the knee. And it wasn't like it was going to work anyway.

« What have you learned anyway after making this poor boy suffer that much ?! » continued Sen.

« We know that Chizuru is still with Kazama and that they could have gone to Edo or to the Kazama clan in the Bungo province. We have no more informations yet. »

« Oh great, so that was effective, wasn't it ? » she replied with sarcasm « hours of torture for that result. »

« Haruhi. » I ordered « go to your room. »

« But I'm not finished... » she said

« Take your tray. » I ordered and she obeyed, stopping at her bokken to take it too. I watched her go away and resumed eating my dinner.

« Saito-san » said Sen again « maybe we can come to an agreement. »

« I'm listening. » I said, only to be polite. There was no way I could agree to release that little maggot.

« You release Kaoru and I lend you Yasha Koan and Yasha Mika. » she offered.

« Why would I agree to that ? » I asked in a toneless voice.

« Their flair. » she said with a smile « they can find out where Kazama went, make you avoid traps set up by the SatCho and they can lead you to him. »

That was tempting. But Kaoru was mine and I was in my right. I would not release him alive.

« Saito-kun » added Kondou-san « I know how much Saito-sensei means to you but I cannot allow you to depart for Kyūshū. The ship is in three weeks and the Shinsengumi needs you in Edo. »

« If Yasha-san's flair is so good, how come you haven't rescued Kaoru already ? » I asked and I heard Souji chuckled.

« They... They can't enter the castle. » she replied, queasy.

« Convenient. » I nodded with a smirk « so I have no way to verify that information. »

« Listen, Saito-san » she frowned « You're not the only one worried about Chizuru, alright ? We are all concerned ! So stop seeing me like your enemy or something, we are on the same side ! »

« But you do not want me to get revenge. » I added calmly.

« Do you know how many pure blood demons are left ? » she asked and I waited silently for her to give me the answer « four. Nagumo Kaoru, Kazama Chikage, his mother, and Saito Chizuru. »

I could see that she said Saito Chizuru only to sooth me but I had to admit, it worked a bit. I was glad to have this name getting out of Sen's lips. It must have cost her dearly.

« So you are going to tell me that I cannot kill Kazama either. » I replied coldly.

« You couldn't kill him even if you tried. » she replied with a glum face « our only solution is diplomacy. And Yasha Koan and Mika can help you on that matter too. »

I stayed silent and thought for a minute. It was true that when I crossed swords with Kazama, I have been completely dominated. But at that moment, I was wounded, I had fever and I was human. Could it be possible than even as a Rasetsu the gap of power was so important between the two of us ?

« Alright. » I said, and I saw Sen's smile grow wide. « I heard your proposal, hear mine. »

« I'm listening. » she nodded, her smile gone.

« You will ask Yasha-san to find out if Kazama went east or west. If he went east, I still have time to rescue Chizuru before getting back to the Shinsengumi and I will give you back precious Kaoru. But I'm not giving him back whole, just alive. »

« What do you mean ? » she asked, eyes wide.

« I will not be fooled again. » I said firmly « Souji wanted to see if an eye can grow back. I think it can't. I'm taking this. »

« It can't. » she confirmed « but please don't do this... »

« If Kazama went west » I continued as if I hadn't heard « Then I would have to perform my duty towards the Shinsengumi and rescue her afterwards. Anything could happen to her during that period and I cannot forgive this. Kaoru will pay with his life. »

Sen stayed silent, so did the rest of the table, tensed.

« If Yasha-san lies to me to save Kaoru's life, I'm coming back for all the Yase clan. » I said with steel in my voice.

« Alright. » she agreed « we can accept this. But you're not taking Kaoru's eye. I can allow you a finger. »

« Can it grow back ? » I asked, suspicious.

« It can't. » she denied.

« Then I accept. » I nodded and all the table sighed in relief that we finally came to an agreement.

« Kiku, can you go and ask Koan to find out where Kazama went ? » asked Sen.

« Understood, Sen-himesama. » she bowed before heading out.

« She'll come back soon enough. » nodded Sen.

« Kaoru must be kept prisoner by the Yase clan. » I added « if his path crosses mine again, I would not be as merciful. »

« I understand and I thank you for your diplomacy. » nodded Sen.

« I agree to this too. » nodded Kondou-san « and I thank you, Saito-kun, for not abandoning the Shinsengumi. »

« My life is vowed to serve the Shinsengumi. » I nodded too. « Now if you'll excuse me, I need to have a conversation with my daughter. »

I exited the room and got up the stairs to stop at Haruhi's room. I announced myself and waited for her answer before entering. She had finished eating and was ready to go to bed, her futon unfolded and wearing her sleeping nagajuban. Her bokken was laying next to her futon, as if someone could come at night and attack her. That was cute. I approached her and sat next to her.

« Haruhi. » I started « do you feel like we need to talk about what you heard at dinner ? »

« I don't know... » she answered queasily. « I understood you hurt someone. »

« Do you understand why ? » I asked, plunging my eyes into her lighter saphir ones.

« Because it's a bad guy ? » she tried and I smirked.

« Good and bad are two sides of the same mirror. » I said « For that boy, I was the bad guy. Yet, sometimes you need to do gruesome things to protect the ones you love. »

« But... I thought that a samurai always had to fight with honor ? » she asked, confused.

« Your honor resides where you choose to put it. It is strictly personal. If I had abandoned Chizuru, it wouldn't have been respectable to me. So I had to use despicable ways to get the chance to act according to my judgement. Do you understand ? »

« No... » she shook her head and I sighed.

These kind of concepts were surely difficult to understand for a child. To her, the world was still black and white. There were the good guys on one side and the bad guys on the other. That was easy.

« When you kill someone, it's wrong. It's not honorable. But when you do it to protect your loved ones and the things you believe in, then it becomes honorable. I'm not proud of torturing that boy and I would rather not have done it. But I did it to rescue Chizuru. The intent, the reasons behind the act, that is where the difference resides. »

She seemed to be in intense reflexion and I waited patiently for her to come up with her own conclusions but instead, she quickly grabbed her bokken and attacked me. I could have blocked her if I wanted to but I feigned surprise.

« You owe me a wakizashi ! » she said with a wide smile and I smiled with her.

« I guess I do. » I replied, standing up « good night, Haruhi. »

« Good night, Hajime. » she smiled, pulling the covers over her.

I exited the room and joined mine. Because of my Rasetsu condition, I was feeling totally fine, not tired at all. Yet, I forced my body to rest against its will. I wouldn't be a night owl. I would live normally. I would not be a monster.


	10. Departure

I got Haruhi a brand new wakizashi. It wasn't an excellent blade but it wasn't a toy either. I explained her how to oil it and take care of it, and she wasn't allowed to unsheathe it in the castle or alone in the courtyard. She could do it only if I or Souji gave her permission. She was wearing it with proudness and as long as she kept it in her scabbard, I never forced her to take it off, even at the dinner table. I explained to her that she was a warrior now and that she had to act with honor and she listened very seriously. I was proud of her.

Yasha Koan met us outside the castle and said that his daughter had found Kazama's tracks even if they were old. They followed them, running for a day to be sure it wasn't a false lead and they could tell us for sure that Kazama went east, towards Edo. That was relieving. By foot, I could join Edo in two weeks if I walked normally, maybe a bit less. That left me an entire week to rescue Chizuru before getting back to the Shinsengumi with her.

According to my promise, I released Kaoru and gave him to Sen. I let him choose which finger to chop and he cried even before giving me his hand. Pathetic. I took his left ring-finger and told him he should thank Sen because she was the one who saved his worthless little life. Sen assured me that he would stay under high surveillance in the Yase clan and I hoped she was telling the truth. The minute I were to see him on my path again, he would be dead.

I prepared a few supplies, at least for the first days. I'd probably have to hunt or stop in inns along the way but I prefered to be cautious. I kept the brown wool kimono too. It was warm and the weather was getting colder, February approaching.

I took only a few hours to get ready and meet everyone who came to see me off outside the castle gates.

« Hajime ! » said Haruhi, handing me one of the two sandogasa (traveling straw hat) she was carrying « Souji said you'll need one, against sunburns ! »

I nodded with a smile and saw Souji wink at me. Sunburns were a cute euphemism for the pain that the daylight was making me endure. I took the big hat out of her hand and put it on as she put on the smaller one on her own head.

« Why are you wearing one ? » I asked, confused.

« I don't wanna be sunburnt either ! » she said with conviction and that's when I noticed her tiny bag.

« Haruhi, you're not coming. » I told her coldly.

« I am. » she replied with the same coldness.

« No you're not. It's too dangerous and we are going to walk a lot. We won't be able to stop because you are exhausted. » I explained with a tone not open to discussion.

« You told me I'm a warrior and that I should act with honor. » she objected, furrowing her brows « and now you are telling me that as a Saito, I can't act honorably and rescue my family ? »

« You're nine. »

« Nearly ten ! » she objected again « I want to rescue Chizuru-neechan too ! »

« Saito-san » said Yasha Koan « that decision is yours but I can promise that I can assure her safety personally. If she can walk, nothing prevents her from coming. »

_Nothing ? Kazama, the SatCho, the bullets and even the wolves for all I know... Is that nothing to you ?_

« If Koan says he can assure her safety, these are not hollow words, Saito-san » added Sen.

« It's not the place for a child. » I replied firmly.

« Then you are tarnishing my honor and I'll have to seppuku to reestablish it. » said Haruhi, crossing her arms.

_First Chizuru, now Haruhi... Why does everytime someone becomes a Saito, they get so stubborn ? I really should stop giving my name to everyone..._

« Alright. » I nodded and I saw her eyes widen in excitement « but you walk, you do not complain and I am NOT carrying you. Am I understood ? »

« Yes ! » she bowed « I'll obey to all your orders, Kumichô ! »

_Kumichô... I'm no captain anymore. I don't have any unit... _

« New rules. » I added « You follow orders, you never unsheathe your wakizashi and if there are enemies, you hide. I don't want you to fight anyone. »

« I'll hide, I promise. » she nodded very seriously.

« You break the rules and you are no more daughter of mine. » I continued harshly.

« I understand. » she nodded again.

« Go put on a kimono without the Saito kamon. » I ordered her and she ran to her room, turning back her head a few times to make sure I wasn't tricking her.

I turned to Yasha Koan and Yasha Mika and they both nodded with foxy smiles. With their thin faces and bulging cheekbones, they really looked like ones. Haruhi came back with a pink kimono and her brown hakama. Pink wasn't the most discreet color to walk in the forest but it still was better than to have the mark of a shogunate affiliated captain on her body. In case of capture by imperialists, she'll be safer this way.

She hugged everyone with a wide smile and turned to me, bowing with respect, her wakizashi on her side.

« Let's go. » I said, and we departed.

Haruhi had legs shorter than ours but she followed without complaining once. We walked until twilight and set camp in the forest. We were avoiding roads and with them the SatCho checkpoints. I took some rice balls from my bag and gave some to Haruhi who was starving. Koan and Mika refused politely and informed me that they would hunt. I nodded and took the first quarter while they were away, Haruhi already sleeping next to me, her head on my lap. I couldn't help but think that it wasn't too late to take her back to Osaka. I wasn't sure why I allowed her to come. I knew Souji wouldn't have let her seppuku. Maybe I wanted to be with her. Maybe loosing Chizuru was making me want to keep the rest of my family near, where I could protect her. I had no clue. Yet, I was throwing her head first into danger.

I passed my hand into her hair, long and ebony as her mother's used to be and I looked at the sky, starting to fill itself with stars.

_Are you still watching over her, Yuki ? Please don't let anything happen to her... _

I waited for an answer but none came. I heard some footsteps and put my hand on my katana but that was just Koan and Mika, coming back with two rabbits. Mika started to make a fire and I stopped her.

« Wait. We can't draw attention. » I told her, grabbing her wrist.

I took my hand off almost immediately, ashamed that I dared put my hand on her, and apologized.

« Don't worry, Saito-san. » said Koan « no one will see the fire. »

« It's getting dark, it will be visible from afar. » I objected.

« No. » he sigh « look. »

I looked and my jaw dropped. I could see the rabbits roast but there was no fire and no fog. Then I could see the fire again.

« Sorcery... » I whispered in disbelief.

« Only a simple illusion. » replied Koan. « No one will see the fire appart from us, I can guarantee it. »

« Do not pay attention to my father. » said Mika with a smile, her gaze fixed on the rabbits. « He likes to demonstrate his talents. »

« They're the only thing I have left. » he smirked to his daughter.

_Is it a common talent amongst Oni ? Can Chizuru do that too ?_

I had a lot of questions but I didn't want to intrude. They offered me a piece of the rabbit and I took it, happy to have a bit of meat to go with my rice. I didn't wake Haruhi up, she was totally exhausted.

« Mika. » ordered Koan « you take the second quarter. I need to rest. »

« You always do, old man. » she replied playfully.

« Be careful with your words, young girl » he scolded but I could see that these kind of verbal exchanges were nothing but a game to them. They were very close. Never would I have dared adressing my own father that way.

Koan lied on a blanket and fell asleep almost immediately. His loud snores were soon the only sound echoing in the forest.


	11. Mika

« You're not sleeping. »

Mika had stayed mute for hours before breaking the silence. The fire was still burning between the two of us and it was very agreeable to have it warming us. If Koan was right, no one could see it apart from us. This kind of magic was impressive.

« I do not sleep much. » I answered in my toneless voice.

« I understand » she nodded with a smile « I prefer living at night too. »

_It's not that I prefer it. It's that my body gives me no choice. I'm always so exhausted during the day and so full of energy at night... _

Mika was looking at Haruhi, still peacefully asleep even with Koan's snores. She really must be tired to not be woken up by such noises.

« She's your daughter ? » she asked eventually.

« Ha. » I answered.

« She reminds me of my sister. » she added, looking at Haruhi's tiny face.

« You have a sister ? » I asked, surprised.

« Half-sister. » she corrected « she was human like my mother. »

« Oni can have children with humans then ? » I asked.

« Of course they can, otherwise there would be a lot more pure blood Oni. » she chuckled.

I stayed silent. It wasn't because I was human then. It wasn't because of me. It was just bad luck...

« Do you see her often ? » I asked « your sister. »

« No. » she smiled « she's dead now. »

« I'm sorry. »

« Don't be. It's been a while. » she smiled genuinely.

« How did she die ? » I asked eventually.

« Old age. » she answered with a smirk.

I frowned. How could that be even possible ? Yasha Mika seemed to be in her early twenties.

« How old are you, Yasha-san ? » I asked, curious.

« I'm seventy-nine years old. » she answered and my eyes widened in surprise. « You weren't expecting that. » she chuckled.

« Indeed. » I confirmed with a nod.

_How can she look like this at nearly eighty years old ? Does Chizuru also have that lifespan ? Am I going to grow old and die while she stays the same beautiful young woman she is ? _

« Do all Oni live that long ? » I asked with knots in my stomach.

« Oni have the same lifespan than humans. » she replied « your woman will grow old with you if that was your question. I'm a daughter of Koan, times applies differently. »

_So that means they are not Oni ? What are they then ? _

« My older sister have been kind to me, contrarily to my mother. I think my sister was about Haruhi's age when Koan came back to take me. Its not like my mother would have been able to raise me properly anyway. It's not that she was a bad mother, but we were too different. She was glad to get rid of me. I was bad luck to her, that's why she called me Mika, New Moon. It's a bad omen. She nearly threw me out when she saw Koan outside. I've been with him ever since. »

Haruhi moved in her sleep and we stayed silent a moment, fearing we might wake her up. I pulled a blanket over her, the fire didn't seem to be enough to warm her little body and if she were to fall ill, it really wouldn't be convenient with the way we were traveling. If she was that exhausted after the first day, the next would be really difficult for her.

« You made the right choice taking her. » said Mika.

« Why ? » I asked, surprised.

If I was the one travelling with someone who deliberately took a burden with him, slowing the entire group, it would drive me mad. I couldn't understand tre reasons behind Mika's words except maybe politeness.

« I wouldn't like to be separated from Koan. » she answered with a shrug. « She's lucky to have you and you are lucky to have her. »

« Don't you think our mission is too dangerous for a child ? » I asked with a bit of sarcasm that I couldn't control after words so naive.

« No one would know she's there. » she smirked « Koan will hide her in case of danger and even if she's too exhausted to walk, I'm pretty sure he would carry her, just like he did for me when I was a kid. »

I looked at the man deeply asleep and snoring. Could he really hide Haruhi like he did for the fire ? But no way I would let him carry Haruhi in case of tiredness. I was younger and stronger and she was my daughter. I would do it.

« How old is Koan ? » i asked.

If Mika looked in her twenties and was seventy-nine then I supposed her father's face did not give his age either. Mika chuckled gently and served me a playful smirk.

« Koan is eight hundred and fifty three years old now. » she answered « it was his birthday last month. »

_That... that old ? He saw the birth of the Kamakura shogunate, its fall, the Sengoku Jidai, the birth of the Tokugawa shogunate... and he was still around now to witness our war... And if he really lived that long... How can we not be surrounded by Koan's children ? _

« Are there other children of Koan ? » I asked.

« There are a lot. But they are all humans. » she answered, putting more wood in the fire. « I'm one of Koan's thousand child and so, I inherited his blood like one every thousand. »

_Thousands... I guess he didn't raise them except from Mika then. _

« What are you, Yasha-san ? » I asked, puzzled.

She chuckled again. Apparently, spreading doubt and confusion in my head was something extremely pleasant for her.

« You tell me what you are, Saito-san, and I'll tell you what I am. » she replied playfully « you don't look like any other Oni or Yokai that I met before. »

« That is not any of your concerns. » I replied coldly.

As much as I wanted to know more about my companions, the Ochimizu and the Rasetsu were a shogunate secret. I wasn't allowed to talk about it and I would not break that order.

« As you wish. » she chuckled « I guess I'll find out eventually. You really pique my interest and curiosity, Saito-san. I believe traveling with you will be entertaining. »

I didn't answer and reported my attention on the dancing flames in front of me. I watched them a moment and closed my eyes, trying to sleep. We still had a lot of road ahead of us and I'll need all the rest I could get even if my body wasn't really eager to sleep at night. I stayed with my eyes closed several minutes, trying to control my mind, my heartbeat, and fall asleep but I failed. Maybe after another day of walking, I would be able to sleep then. I wasn't tired enough to overcome the Rasetsu nature. I wasn't experiencing bloodlust though and that was already a success. I hoped it could stay that way but if I failed, I still had the medecine anyway, four little bags. It should be sufficient to reach Edo and find Chizuru. Once we would be reunited, she would be able to help me find solutions other than relying on her blood. Kazama was a bit more than two weeks ahead of us. I hoped Chizuru was alright. I hoped she knew, deep inside, that I was coming for her, that I came back from the dead for her, because I would not let him have her.


	12. Illusion

February 1868

We had been walking for days now and I was glad that the weather was bearable. We didn't suffer any blizzard or snow yet. I cut in one of the blankets though to stuff Haruhi's socks with it. She wasn't complaining but anyone could see she was really cold. She has abandoned wearing her sandogasa, realizing that it wasn't really convenient for walking and that she wasn't going to get any surburns from the winter sun anyway. I was still wearing mine and it was really helping me walk in broad daylight, keeping my head in the shadows. I still wasn't suffering from the bloodlust and I was getting better at ignoring the smell of blood. Haruhi was often snuggling against me at night, trying to get warmth from my body and I could ignore her scent much better than before.

We were making fires every night and eating whatever meat Koan and Mika would hunt, mostly rabbits but sometimes birds or ducks. They were always bringing them intact, only with the broken neck as if they caught them and killed them with bare hands. It was unsettling but I already noticed that neither of them seemed to be carrying weapons so I guess they did have a technique to catch preys without traps or bows and knives, probably one of Koan's talents. One evening, the man even came back with a crane and I wondered how he could have killed such a big bird. Haruhi and I didn't eat it though, feeling queasy at the idea of eating such a sacred animal.

I was walking behind with Mika while Koan and Haruhi were ahead of us. I prefered to be behind so I could keep an eye on her and decipher when she was tired, cold or hungry. Koan was making her laugh a lot, making little ice butterflies appear out of thin air and dance in front of her eyes. Her eyes were sparkling with enchantement and it was making her forget her sore body for a time.

« How does it work ? » I asked.

I didn't want to admit it but I was amazed too by these butterflies. They were shiny and translucide, like really made of ice.

« It's nothing more than an illusion. » replied Koan without turning to me « there's nothing real in it so the possibilities are endless. »

« Endless ? »

« Endless. » he nodded and in a blink, Haruhi was gone. I started to panic even if I kept my emotionless mask.

« Where is she ? » I asked, and she reappeared and turn to me, puzzled.

« Who ? » she asked.

I stayed silent and Mika chuckled, mocking me. Koan bend over to whisper something into Haruhi's ear and she disappeared again. I wasn't really enjoying this little game. I bumped into something and stopped. There was nothing in front of me but still, extending my hands, I could feel hair tied in a ponytail, a nose, a mouth, ears...

« That's... Haruhi ? » I asked.

She reappeared with a wide smile.

« I asked her to stop walking for the demonstration. With my illusion, you couldn't see or hear her but she wasn't gone for real. That's why you could bump into her, I left you the touch sense. Same applies to the fire. If someone stands in it, he'll burn even if it looks like there is no fire. I can fool all senses. »

« So... The person won't even notice she's burning ? » I asked in disbelief.

« She won't if I decide to hide it from her. » he smiled. « Do you understand how dangerous it is ? »

« You could make us not feel the cold then ? » I asked, looking at Haruhi.

« I could make her not feel tiredness or cold anymore but her body would still suffer from it and it could lead her to death since she wouldn't be listening to her body and could push it too far. I could make her believe she's eating a feast and she would still die of hunger. »

That made sense. They were only illusions then... I was glad to be on his side and that he only used his powers to make butterflies and hide our fire. I was feeling more confident now that I knew he could hide Haruhi with so much efficiency. I turned to Mika who was still smiling next to me.

« Can you do that too ? » I asked, curious.

« Only males can ascend to this kind of powers. Females are more limited. I will never be able to make these kind of illusions. » she answered calmly « and Koan is very old, he's a lot more powerful that I would ever be. »

_Like the healing power then... Kaoru took minutes to close a wound that took hours for Chizuru. _

I stayed silent again, looking at Haruhi laughing with Koan and trying to catch the butterflies.

« You still do not want to tell me what you are, Saito-san ? » asked Mika.

« I don't see why you want to know. » I replied coldly, keeping focused on my steps.

« Same reason why you want to know about us. » she chuckled.

I looked at her and saw her smile. Again, I felt the same feeling that I had when I said her goodbye near the castle gates. Something deep in my chest, a desire to make her happy. She was a gorgeous woman but that wasn't enough of an explanation for me to feel that way. There must be some kind of trick there too even if she told me that she couldn't make any illusions like Koan. There was a chance that she was lying. I wanted to please her, to be nice to her and to make her happy. Maybe I should tell her about the Ochimizu. Could that make her happy ?

I turned around, ignoring my heart pounding in my chest and the blood flowing in my body like I was a teenager discovering love. I focused on the pain of the sun that I was trying so hard to ignore since the beginning of our trip and it calmed my body for a while until a now familiar pain awoke.

« Ugh... » I utter with difficulty as the bloodlust took me, making me fall on my knees.

I could devine my hair turning white and my eyes crimson in Mika's silver gaze. I could scent her blood that wasn't really smelling good, just like Koan... But there was someone else...

« Koan ! » yelled Mika and he turned with Haruhi.

_Don't look at me !_

« Where's Hajime ? » asked Haruhi to Mika.

« He's coming. » she assured her. « He needed a small break. Let's wait for him a bit further. »

Koan had hidden me then... I nodded to thank him and he nodded in return. I was glad that he thought about masking my true nature to Haruhi. Mika took her hand and led her where she couldn't see me.

I gasped for air, my whole body eating itself from inside. I wanted to run after Haruhi and open her up. She was the one with the most savory scent... The two others were stinking like street filth... But maybe I could drink it ? Maybe it could make the pain go away ?

_So thirsty... _

I shouldn't have focused on the pain... That was the cause of my condition. How stupid... I managed to resist it for days and now, I had no other choice than to dig in my pocket with a febrile hand to take the powder. Chizuru was saving my life again but I hated it. What kind of man relies on his wife's blood to keep on living ? I was nothing more than a monster.

_Thirsty..._

I swallowed the powder and started to feel better again. My hands stopped shaking after a few seconds and my breath steadied. I saw that I had open my collar and that I dug my fingernails around my heart. I took away my hand and saw the bloody marks disappear. My legs were strong again even if sore and I stood up and arranged my kimono under the gaze of Koan.

« Let's go. » I told him in my toneless voice, my composure back.

« Saito-san, if you need to rest, we can settle camp here. » he told me, visibly concerned.

« I'm fine. » I assured him.

« Next time it happens, do you want me to take away the pain ? » he asked, very seriously.

« No. » I shook my head « It is my curse. » I kept walking and saw Haruhi and Mika a bit downhill and I turned to Koan. « Just... Don't let me hurt her... and if I loose control, kill me. »

« I will. » said Koan with a nod and I knew he would keep that promise.


	13. Cold

Days went on and with them, the exhaustion, the cold and now the illness. Haruhi was weaker than us and she caught fever. She couldn't walk anymore and I was carrying her on my back. I knew that keeping her in that cold in her condition could lead her to death and so, I asked to join the road again to find an Inn where she could sleep in a futon by a hibachi (fire basket). Mika told us that she could smell cooking and people a bit south from us and we followed her lead. If Koan's talent was his illusions, Mika's one was surely her smell. Nothing could go unnoticed for her, let it be an animal, a village or an imperialist patrol.

Haruhi's fever was getting worse with every step and I could sense her really hot against me. She was sweating a lot and sleeping most of the time even if beeing carried on my back wasn't the best position to sleep. Koan offered to carry her too but I didn't want to impose that on him. She was my daughter, I chose to take her with me and I would carry her. She was my responsibility.

We finally arrived to the village and we took two rooms, one for myself and Haruhi, one for Koan and Mika. The innkeeper hesitated to throw us out because of Haruhi. He didn't want illnesses to penetrate in his inn. I assured him that I would take care of her and that she wouldn't wander around. She wouldn't have the force anyway. I carried her upstairs and laid her in the futon, pulling the covers over her before lighting the hibachi. In no time, the room was warm and I came downstairs to get a bucket of water and clean cloths to put on her forehead and calm the fever. Her breath started to steady and she fell back asleep. I looked at her for a moment, remembering Chizuru's fever when I was with the guardians. I already thought before that Haruhi was my redemption, a way to make things right but now, I was even more sure that the Gods sent her to me for this reason. It seemed like events were repeating themselves but this time, I had control over them and I could find a better outcome. This child wouldn't be killed by the fever.

I went downstairs to join Koan and Mika with a drink. The sake was sweet and savory. It was warming me up in a very pleasant way. We had a few drinks together and ate a hot meal. I went back to see if Haruhi was up and if she wanted to eat but she was deeply asleep. I changed the towel on her forehead and got back downstairs. The innkeeper told me that he would keep the fire under the stew so I would just have to get a hot bowl to Haruhi when she would have appetite. He really was a kind man and I thanked him genuinely.

In the middle of the night, Haruhi woke up with a scream, probably a nightmare, and I jumped out of my futon, katana in hand, ready. But there was nothing. I came closer to her and she looked at me with melting blue eyes, lit by the burning hibachi next to her.

« Where are we ? » she asked, panicked.

« Shh. » I reassured her « Don't fear, Haruhi. We're in a Inn. You caught a fever. »

She started crying and I pulled her in my arms and passed my palm on her forehead. The fever was still strong.

« I'm sorry, Hajime... » she cried « We are loosing time because of me... »

« Do not apologize over things you have no control on. » I told her calmly « What we are doing is hard, even for us adults. Your body isn't as strong as ours, it is only logical. »

« But Chizuru... »

« We are going to find her. We are not late don't worry. We can rest a bit and wait for you to get better. »

As much as I wanted to be reunited with Chizuru, she was a prisoner of Kazama since three weeks now and I secretly hoped that two more days wouldn't make a big difference for her. But they could make a difference for Haruhi. I kept her in my arms until she fell back asleep and laid her back on the futon. She was only wearing a nagajuban, like me, since I took the opportunity to do a bit of laundry, so I pulled back the covers other her and put some more wood in the hibachi. Nights were really cold and soon, we'll get back traveling in the forest. Could Haruhi really keep up with us ? I should have left her in Osaka...

I went back to my futon too but now that I had been woken up, my Rasetsu body wasn't willing to rest at night anymore. I turned on the futon, trying to find sleep and I finally gave up. I put on the blue wool kimono that I wore underneath the brown one and got away from the room. Having someone turning and sighing for hours next to her could disturb Haruhi's sleep and she needed all her energy to fight the fever. I got downstairs and went outside to get some air. It was really cold and I would rather have had my thick brown kimono but nevermind, I closed my eyes and let the winter wind cleanse my body and spirit to the bone.

« Tea ? »

I opened my eyes to see Mika sitting on a bench at my right. She was handing me a fuming cup of tea and I nodded before I came sitting next to her.

« You seem to really be a night owl. » she chuckled « even with the comfort of a futon, you still seem unable to sleep. »

I blew on my cup of tea. It was still a bit too hot for me to drink it but it was agreeably warming my hands. Mika seemed to be waiting for an answer but I didn't gave any to her. I wasn't a fool enough to let her lead me on the subject of my Rasetsu nature.

« You like to be outside. » she eventually said.

« Ha. » I nodded, sipping the hot tea.

The contrast between the tea flowing inside my body and the sharp winter wind outside of it had always been a calming sensation to me.

« I like it too. » she smiled, reporting her silver gaze on the stars filled sky. « The night is always so beautiful. I think I'll never grow tired of looking at it. »

She was right. The night was indeed beautiful. I looked at the stars peacefully and little snowflakes started to fall. Mika extended her tongue playfully, like a little girl, to catch a snowflake and swallow it. It drew a small smile on my face. That wasn't really a behavior suitable for someone who was approching eighty years old.

« What ? » she asked me with a smile.

« Nothing. » I answered, sipping my tea « You seem to be enjoying yourself. »

« I always do. » she chuckled « life's too short not to do what we want to do. Don't you agree ? »

I didn't answered. It was uncanny to have someone with her lifespan telling me that life was too short. If her life was too short, then mine was a heartbeat. She kept playing with the snowflakes, catching them with her hands or tongue and shaking her head to make them fall off her long ginger hair and I kept watching her peacefully. I couldn't sleep anyway. After a while, I looked at the stars once more and the snowflakes dancing in the wind.

_Did you come back because Haruhi was in danger, Yuki ? Thank you for watching over her every time I fail to keep her safe. Are you mad I took her on such a trip ? You know her. She wouldn't have listened anyway. She's as stubborn and malicious as her mother. I'm taking care of your fox cub, mama fox, do not worry. She'll grow strong and free. She will get the power to make her own decisions and live the life she chooses for herself. That is an oath I make to you. _


	14. Morning

I felt like... coming back to consciousness... Like waking up from a dream... Everything was black... My eyes were closed...

_What is this ?_

Kisses... Light as feathers... Down my neck and on my chest... Hands... fingers... running on my body... hair... flowing, caressing my skin... and... my manhood... in a very warm pleasurable place...

_What's happening ?_

I opened my eyes, blurry, and it took me a few seconds to see clearly. The room was dark even if there was a dim warm light chasing away the shadows of the night. I saw the dark brown hair flowing on my body and the top of the head that was kissing my chest. She moved to the side and bit a nipple then moved her tongue on it playfully and lifted her head.

_Chizuru ?_

Her eyes were closed and she moved a bit her body to reach my lips, releasing a bit my manhood but not entirely and that slow contact was a sweet torture. She came to kiss me, a soft kiss, mellow and tender, and I worked my lips against hers in a slow motion, keeping the smooth pace she had decided to set. She parted and I wanted to lift my head up to catch her lips again but my body wouldn't obey my commands. My head and my back, even my legs, were pined to the futon. I had no control.

_Why can't I move ?_

Her hips started moving, back and forth, and lifting themselves a bit like if she was making small circles. It was delicious to have her controlling everything with her expert movements that were sending waves of pleasure in my entiere body.

Her hands carressed my neck, my shoulders, my chest... Her eyes still closed, as if she wanted to savor every single touch of her fingers on my skin. Her palms stopped their course to rest on my stomach, her fingers clenching to the bottom of my rib cage as her mouth opened in awe. She was silent, just panting gently and not moaning as usual, but I didn't care, her face itself was enough for me to see that she was experiencing as much pleasure as I was.

I brought my hands on her hips, accompanying her motion without controlling it and her movements gained in intensity. They were still back and forth and up and down and still so slow but the amplitude was growing. She was moving like a snake and even with the slowness of her movements, I was getting closer to extasy.

Her hands quitted my stomach and she stiffened her back, bringing her fingers to her hair to hold them up, lifting her chin high, surrendering to her sensations. With her arms up this way, her proud breasts were round and perfect, moving a bit, following her hips as she was riding me slowly like a demoness. Her mouth was still agap in awe and her eyes closed and squeezed, showing the pleasure that she was getting from the treatment she was making me endure. I couldn't detach my eyes from her and I was reaching higher peaks of pleasure with each of her thrusts. I was a bit feeling like a tool but I couldn't care less. Her face of pure extasy was delightful enough for me to let her use my person as she wanted to.

I felt my whole body stiffened and I escaped a groan as I became overwhelmed by the sensations she was giving me and released the passion inside her body. It was so intense that I started panting, after the embrace, and I closed my eyes a few seconds to savor the feeling of being one with her.

When I opened them, Chizuru hadn't move and she was still around my manhood. She was smiling playfully but instead of her big chestnut eyes, she had silver almond ones.

I woke up with a gasp, sitting up and unsheathing my katana. I was at the inn, in my bedroom with Haruhi sleeping in her futon next to me. No one else was there and I relaxed a little. I was wearing my nagajuban which was totally opened under the covers but it could as well have loosened in my sleep.

_Was it a dream ? _

I laid back on the futon, listening to Haruhi's steady breath. She seemed to be a bit better, she wasn't panting like the previous day. That was relieving. The fever was getting better.

_I dreamt of Chizuru... _

Chizuru. No doubt possible. It was her face, it was her body. But she had silver eyes... Like Koan and Mika... I shook my head to throw that thought away. I guess I was so curious about the both of them that my mind played tricks on me, combining unsettling things in my dreams. I had no desire for Mika anyway but surely the feeling that was sometimes invading my chest when she was smiling had something to do with this.

_But ... What if it wasn't a dream ?_

I passed my hand on my eyes. It felt real, totally real, but there was no way it could be real. Even if I did sleep with Mika, which I didn't, I wouldn't have done it with Haruhi sleeping inches away from me. In addition, Mika and Chizuru didn't look the same at all. Mika had a thin face, bulging cheekbones and almond silver eyes while Chizuru had round features with hazel eyes eating up half her face. Even their body was different, Mika's was slender and tall while Chizuru's was shorter, with round hips and round thigh, round little stomach, round little breasts... Although athletic, everything was round in Chizuru... They had nothing in common. No. Even in the dark, there was no way I could have confused the both of them. I don't know why my mind decided to patch Mika's eyes on Chizuru's face but it couldn't be anything else than a dream.

I closed my nagajuban and stood up to kneel in front of Haruhi. I passed my hand on her forehead which was still very hot. I guess we would have to loose another day then. We couldn't keep traveling with her in that state.

She opened her eyes which were still blurry and looked at me with a smile.

« Are you feeling better ? » I asked her.

« I think so... » she whispered.

She seemed pale but she could speak and think clearly. That meant that the fever was supposedly getting down. Maybe she could walk a bit now. That would be good for her.

« Haruhi » I asked, feeling the tip of my ears becoming red « did you notice something unusual tonight ? »

« No... » she answered after taking a few seconds to think « I woke up at a moment and you were not there, that I recall... But that's all. »

« You haven't seen or heard anything ? » I asked again.

I knew what the answer was, since it was nothing but a dream, but I needed the reassurance of asking her anyway, to be sure.

« No, nothing... » she shook her head « should I have ? »

I shook my head too, relieved, and took her hand in mine.

« Are you hungry ? » I asked.

She nodded and I helped her dress to take her downstairs for breakfast. Her legs were shaky but with me holding her hand, she managed to get to the common room. Mika and Koan were already there, drinking tea, and we joined their table. A young girl came to bring us trays with the breakfast on it : natto, rice and a soup. I thanked her genuinely and she came back with two other trays, this time for Koan and Mika. She blushed uncontrollably when Koan thanked her and Mika sighed, seeking help in my gaze. When she went away, Mika watched her go with a tired expression.

« And maybe another child of Koan in the world... » she sighed « aren't you too old to keep spreading your seed in all the country ? »

« Mind your own business. » scolded her father « and I still have a few more years ahead of me. I have to make the best of it. »

« And let your daughter drink tea outside in the cold all night because her bedroom is occupied... » she replied playfully « I was lucky Saito-san came to join me and got me out of boredom. »

I ignored the both of them and looked at Haruhi, sipping her soup with shaking hands.

« Haruhi. » I ordered calmly « eat your natto. »

« But I don't like it... » she complained.

« Mix it with rice, it will soften the taste. » I ordered « natto is good for your body. It'll help you recover. »

She pouted but did as I said and put half her natto in the rice. I helped her mix it and she started eating grudgingly. Across the dinner table, both our companions were still arguing about Koan's nighttime activities. My dream was starting to make sense to me. I probably had heard a few sounds coming from the nearby room while asleep and my imagination did the rest. I missed Chizuru so much that it wasn't surprising.

« How old is she anyway ? Fithteen ? Sixteen ? » scolded Mika, arms crossed.

« Old enough. » replied Koan, sipping tea « and she came to find me. Ignoring her wouldn't have been gentlemanly. »

« Yeah sure... » she chuckled « so now you're a gentleman. You'll say that to her when you'll be gone tomorrow and she'll maybe have to raise a child alone. »

« Did I eat enough natto, Hajime ? » asked Haruhi, showing me her half eaten bowl of rice. « I really don't like it... »

« Alright » I sighed, exchanging my plain rice with hers « eat at least the rice. You need to eat to fight the illness. »

I ate the end of her natto mixed rice and she nearly finished my bowl before handing it back to me. I finished the bowl too, my natto and the soup. Mika and Koan had stopped fighting and they were eating too. When she was finished, the ginger woman stood up and bowed to us to leave the table.

« I'm going to the bathroom. » she said.

« Can you take Haruhi, Yasha-san ? » I asked her.

Surely, Haruhi would prefer to have another woman taking care of her. She didn't seem to be in condition of cleaning her body herself and I couldn't let her keep all the fever sweat on her. Mika frowned and her father smirked, sipping tea.

« No. » she said with steel in her voice « I bath alone. »

She went away, like angry, and left me perplexed but Koan just sighed, still sipping his tea.

« Women... » he eventually said « they're all crazy... And I think you'll agree with me, Saito-san but of all women, daughters are the worst. »

Haruhi's eyes threw daggers at the old man and I couldn't help but smirk a little.


	15. Warmth

When the bathroom was available, I took Haruhi to get clean. As I was suspecting it, she didn't have the physical strength to do it by herself and so, I helped her. I feared that she would back off when I undressed her but she let me wash her without any protestations. Of course, I stayed fully dressed. I would bath later, alone or with other men, I didn't care. After she was clean, she stayed in the hot bath several minutes under my surveillance. I feared she could fall asleep and drown if I left her. I put her in a clean sleeping nagajuban and took her upstairs to sleep some more. I gave her sheets and her sweat-drenched nagajuban to the innkeeper for laundry and I went outside to practice. Since we were going to stay all day here, there was no reason for me to let go of my discipline and morning routine.

I sliced the air repeatedly, unsheathing, sheathing, striking an imaginary opponent and found some peace of mind in these movements I knew by heart. From afar, I could see Koan flirting with the young girl from breakfast. She was totally under Koan's charm even with the age difference and the giant scar on his face. Of course, she couldn't know that Koan was 853 years old but still, if she really was fithteen, the man in front of her looked like he was fithty years old and that was enough of an age difference in my opinion. He could have been her grandfather. She was chuckling at everything he could say to her. She didn't seem to be very smart but that wasn't any of my concerns anyway. I wasn't the one flirting with her.

« What an idiot... » I heard and I turned around to find Mika.

« He seems to enjoy it. » I answered.

« Not him, her. » she smiled « Koan doesn't care about her. If she had refused herself to him, he would have found another one. He's promising her anything just to get in her underwear, making big vows of eternal love and tomorrow, she'll wake up alone and will never see him again. And she'll probably have a child to remind her everyday how stupid she is. Koan is particularly fertile and he's getting worse lately. He already had two or three daughters before me. I think he wants another one before the end and he lays with every girl he gets the chance to lay with. I'm even surprised he's not doing some kind of magic tricks to impress her. She's probably so dumb he doesn't even need it. »

I escaped a small laugh and kept practicing my moves conscientiously. Mika's gaze was still fixed on her father.

« It seems like you are sorry for her. » I said after a while.

« I am not. » she smiled « Koan wanted her so he took her, as simple as that. This girl doesn't matter more to me than she does to him. What is funny though, is that if she slept with Koan last night then there is no way she can still ignore his true nature. He wouldn't have been able to hide it. And still, she's here, chuckling and flirting instead of being ashamed. »

Was she speaking about the golden eyes ? Because if she was, the first time I witnessed it on Chizuru, it didn't reveal me at all her true nature and I even thought that maybe, I had imagined it. Maybe that girl was feeling the same. And even with her golden eyes, I've never been ashamed of sleeping with Chizuru.

« I should go check on Haruhi. » I said in my toneless voice.

« She's probably sleeping like a log. With her fever, she's a very heavy sleeper. She needs that rest to fight the illness. » she replied.

I sheathed back my sword and headed towards my bedroom. I was already exhausted just by staying one hour outside in the sun. I thought I could get used to it but now I knew that I couldn't. I could fight it but not make it go away. As Mika said, Haruhi was deeply asleep. I stayed near her and tried to meditate but I was interrupted by Koan, barging in the room.

« We need to go. » he said « pack everything, now. »

« Haruhi is still asleep. » I objected.

« There is no time. The girl I was with, she's the innkeeper daughter. »

« I'm sorry Yasha-san but your adventures aren't any concerns of mine or my daughter. » I replied coldly.

« No » he sighed « there's an imperialist checkpoint nearby. The innkeeper sent someone to say that he had strangers in his inn, travelers, and that one of them was a samurai. The imperialists are coming and Mika confirmed me that they had guns. We can't fight this. We need to go. »

I understood the urgency of the situation and I quickly packed my bag before taking Haruhi in my arms. I couldn't do much alone against a whole patrol and with a sick child. I rolled her body into the covers and she woke up, looking at me with wide eyes.

« What is happening ? » she asked, afraid.

« Bad guys. We need to go. » I answered, and I followed Koan. Mika joined us outside the room, carrying her bag as well and we all headed to the nearby forest to hide and keep walking. In my arms, Haruhi was trembling in cold. Even if I wrapped her in the covers, she only had a sleeping nagajuban underneath. As soon as we were far enough, I stopped to put Haruhi back in her pink kimono and I wrapped back the covers over her, tying them around me so I could have my hand free while carrying her on my back.

When nighttime came, we made a fire as usual and I put Haruhi next to it to warm her but she couldn't stop trembling and shivering. She could die. Out in the woods with the cold and the fever... She really could die. Koan and Mika exchanged a long stare and Koan kneeled to adress me.

« I can help her. » he said.

« You can't do this, Koan » said Mika firmly. « It's too dangerous. »

« I can't stay impassive when a child is suffering. » he replied with a steely silver gaze.

« It can ruin everything ! » she objected, angry. « You know how humans are ! »

« I thought your illusions couldn't have any real effect on her body ? » I asked, confused and angry by seeing Haruhi in such a state.

« I'm going to reveal my true form, Saito-san. » he said with a lot of seriousness « It can be impressive but please, keep your swords in their scabbards. I cannot heal like an Oni. And just like times flows differently for me, same applies to my injuries. I don't want to spend the next twenty years healing from one of your cuts. »

I nodded. If I used my analytical mind earlier, maybe I could have understood that Koan couldn't heal like Chizuru. Otherwise, why would he have that giant scar on his face ?

« Same applies to you, Haruhi. » he asked, looking her trembling body « do not unsheathe your wakizashi, please. »

She didn't answer or nodded but I did it in her place. I would not let her unsheathe her sword.

Koan took a few steps back and his body started changing really quickly, growing, covering in fur. In front of me, there was no man anymore but a giant silver fox, high as a horse and with... One, two, three... Eight tails.

« Kitsune... » I whispered.

A fox spirit. Known to be evil, possessing people, seducing them, making them loose themselves in illusions... I was traveling with foxes ! I instinctively took my hand to the pommel of my sword but according to my promise, I didn't unsheathe it. The enormous silver fox came closer to the fire and laid down.

« Lay her against me. » he said in Koan's voice, plunging his silver animalistic eyes in mines « I will keep her warm. »

I hesitated. The fox's mouth was so big it could probably crush Haruhi's skull in a heartbeat. I looked at her trembling body and took my decision. I came closer to Koan and laid Haruhi against him, facing the fire. His eight tails came covering her like a blanket and a few minutes later, she stopped shivering and fell asleep, soon joined by the fox. In his animal form, his snores were more like roars and it had something terrifying but Haruhi kept sleeping peacefully, kept warm by the fur and the fire.


	16. Faith

I stayed by the fire, looking at the enormous beast that could eat up my daughter in a heartbeat if it wanted to. Even if I knew it was Koan with whom I travelled for days, it was still terrifying. Mika in front of me was frowning, not satisfied at all that her father unveiled his true nature to us.

« He won't hurt her. » she eventually said.

I realized I was staring and that was probably not the most polite thing to do, especially with allies. I turned my gaze away and looked at Mika, the fire dancing in her silver pupils.

« He's a fox... » I said.

It was dumb. Particularly dumb. But I still had trouble believing it. First oni, now foxes... What was the next step ?

« You're observant. » she said coldly.

I didn't answer. Her sarcasm was well deserved after such stupid words.

« You're a fox too, then. » I said.

She nodded and got her tail out of her white hakama, a single ginger tail.

« Tails are the only thing we can't hide. That's why we wear ample hakama. Well for Koan at least. His eight tails are harder to hide than my single one. »

So that's what she meant when she said the girl couldn't ignore Koan's true nature. I guess a naked man with eight tails was surely something to remember.

I reported my attention on the snoring silver fox. I'm not even sure a horse would be big enough to match its size.

« Can you please take your hand off your sword ? » said Mika, coldly.

« Sorry. » I apologized.

I hadn't realized I had my hand clenched on my katana. That wasn't really polite either.

« See ? » she sighed « that's why I didn't want Koan to show you... He warned you, trusted you and yet, you still want to hurt him. »

« I don't. Pardon my behavior, Yasha-san. »

To prove my good faith, I stood up, removed my swords and let them near our bags before sitting back with Mika. I saw her expression soften and she put a bit more wood in the fire.

« Humans always want to kill us. » she confessed. « Foxes are supposedly evil just because we like to have fun. Everytime a wife gets pregnant and that it is obvious that the husband isn't the father, it's a fox who played a trick on her. Everytime someone does something crazy, a fox took possession of him... I'm not saying we never play tricks, we do, but we aren't responsible for all the world's misery. »

I nodded. It was true that if I had a doubt that someone was a fox, I would have probably killed him to be sure he wouldn't play a trick on me or my loved ones.

« Koan is very old now. He still has his powers but he needs to rest a lot more than before and he heals very slowly. He also suffers from arthritis and his smell and eyesight are declining. » she continued with grief « he doesn't have much time left. He only misses one tail and the ninth is near. Everything will get easier when he'll get it. But he's so weak now that we can't know for sure that he'll reach that day. If people decide to go after him, even with his powers, he would be in grave danger. »

« So they... grow ? » I asked, eager to find out the difference between myths and reality.

« Koan, as a male, gets a tail every 111 years. He's aproching his ninth tail. When he'll get it, at 888 years old, his fur will get golden and he'll be a true spirit. He won't suffer from his arthritis, his tiredness, his half-healed wounds anymore. He will be omniscient and all powerful and live until 999 years old. Then his spirit will ascend to heaven to join Inari. »

« Females are different ? » I asked.

« A lot. » she smiled sadly « I will never reach that age and I would never join Inari. Maybe three hundred, if I get lucky. The others daughters of Koan didn't get that chance. And I would never get that big or get more tails. I will stay a common ginger fox that can take women appearances and bewitch men for entertainment. But nothing more. No illusions, no possession, no long life, no fantastic beast, nothing really interesting. And only the void in death. »

Her words sent a shiver down my spine and my tone was excessively cold when I asked the question that was burning my lips.

« Did you use your powers on me, Yasha-san ? »

« Does it matter ? » she asked, visibly perplexed.

« Just answer the question. »

« I did. » she answered with a kind smile and my heart shattered in pieces.

« We spent the night together ? » I asked, just to be sure.

« Not the night. But we did have sex if that is your question. » she answered after a glimpse at my bag where my swords were.

That wasn't a dream then... It was Mika... I had sex with Mika...

« How dared you ? » I hissed in anger and I regretted my swords were so far away from me.

« Hey, it wasn't that bad, was it ? » she shrugged « you seemed to enjoy it as much as I did. »

« Why ? » I asked, still having trouble realizing that it did happen.

« Because I wanted you. » she smiled genuinely.

« I didn't. » I replied coldly.

« I know. That's why I bewitched you. » she explained as if it was obvious and it was enough of an explanation. « And it was a fantastic opportunity. I mean, a futon is a lot more comfortable than a forest floor, Koan was busy and with Haruhi that ill, she couldn't notice a thing. It was perfect. Plus, I was incredibly bored... »

I stayed silent, my blood boiling. How did she dare do this to me ? What about Chizuru ? Less than a year of marriage, no. Less than 4 months of marriage and I was already sleeping with other women...

« You do realize we are traveling to get my wife back ? » I asked, furious even if my voice was toneless.

« I do. » she nodded seriously.

« I love her. I married her. I was supposed to stay faithful... »

« She doesn't have to know. » she shrugged again as if there wasn't any problem « it's not as if you were a woman, there can't be any proof. It's not as significant. No one has to know if you choose not to tell them. »

« I would know. » I hissed.

« I guess. » she smiled « but it was a delightful moment, wasn't it ? »

I stayed silent again. I couldn't deny that I enjoyed it but I thought it was Chizuru. Now that I knew it was Mika... I hated her for doing this and I hated myself for taking pleasure in it... That was despicable. I cheated on my wife as soon as she was away and I did it in front of my daughter, nonetheless. Perfect. Really perfect. Totally worthy of a samurai, getting bewitched by the first fox that crossed my path...

« Koan is the most powerful fox I ever met. Do you know why ? » she asked and I shook my head, my eyes throwing daggers « because his father was an Oni of the Yase clan. Unlike other foxes, Koan values family links and that's why he stayed loyal to the Yase. But now, the Yase clan has lost its former glory. You never answered me about what you were, Saito-san, but I don't meet a lot of yokai like you. I got curious. »

« Curious ? » I repeated, gritting my teeth.

« Koan will be dead in 146 years, at most. And I will stay old and alone, a common ginger fox that everyone wants to kill and with no survival abilities. I need a powerful son to protect me and he won't be able to use his powers before the age of 111 years old and his second tail so I do not have much time to find a powerful mate if I don't want to be vulnerable. I could choose a human but I want my son to be even more powerful than Koan. I need an Oni or something as strong. You seemed a suitable choice. »

« I will not let you do it again. » I told her coldly with steel in my voice.

« I don't think you'd be able to resist me if you wanted to » she chuckled « but I see how much you are upset and I promise you I won't do it again. It was just a little trick, nothing of importance. To be fair, I don't understand why you are taking it that seriously. I wanted you, it was great, no proof, end of story. You really shouldn't be that angry... If i offended you, I apologize. Just, do not take revenge on my father, please, and I'll leave you alone. »

I took some time to think about it. I wanted to kill her but her smell was the only thing that could guide me to Kazama and therefore, to Chizuru. I would not take revenge but I would keep my guard up and I would not stay alone with her. It was unsettling how it seemed she couldn't even understand the concept of marriage or faithfulness. To her, acting like this with me was just in her nature, it wasn't wrong. The guilt was only mine to bear.

I nodded and she let out a sigh of relief before smiling again.

« Just so you know... » she added playfully « if you feel lonely, I won't push you away and I can even look like this if you want me to. Would that make it easier ? »

Chizuru was on the other side of the fire, only her eyes were silver, showing her true nature, and I felt my heart pounding in my chest and my anger become even bigger, knowing that Mika was enjoying herself, torturing me with the face of my wife. Wife that I had betrayed with a damn animal. Mika didn't seem to have any instinct of conservation to keep playing with me like this. I turned around and laid near my swords, a cover over me. I would not give her the satisfaction to see how she troubled me with her little trick. I missed Chizuru so much... and she was using her face to mock me. Damn fox ! I closed my eyes and tried to sleep but there were too much obstacles to do so. My Rasetsu nature, Koan's snores and now, the guilt. That was the worst. What was I going to say to Chizuru ? And what if Mika gets a fox from me ? Could I really get a child with a stranger before getting one with my own wife ? I knew there was something odd with Mika, I should have kept my guard up instead of being curious. That's where it led me, to unfaithfulness, to dishonor...

_What will I tell Chizuru ? _


	17. Checkpoint

We kept walking towards Edo but now, Koan was keeping his fox form. Even if Haruhi was better now, he kept carrying her on his back and she was sleeping there, allowing us to walk faster and longer. Maybe we should have done that from the start. I was mad at Mika and ignoring her most of the time but she didn't seem affected by it. She was still kind, still leading the way and still bringing back her hunt to us for our meals. For her, what happened at the inn didn't matter, the situation between the two of us wasn't awkward and the guilt was totally absent. I wished I could feel the same. I had fully understood that the trick she played on me was only natural to her and that it didn't mean that she was evil, no. She just had a morality different than mine. That wasn't excusing her behaviour to me but it was helping me comprehend. To her, it was comparable to the desire to hunt or run or... catch the snowflakes with her tongue. She wanted to do it so she did it. Life was too short, as she told me...

I think I was even more mad at myself than I was at her. I didn't even notice when she bewitched me. I was outside with her, tea in hand, and the second later, she was riding me. I couldn't remember any events between these two moments. How did she do it ? I had no idea and that was driving me crazy. Apart from her word, which had no value since it was a fox's promise, I had no insurance she wouldn't try again and I had no way to prevent her from it. I always had a sharp mind and I could notice when people were lying to me or if their intentions were wicked. And I got bewitched that easily... It was driving me crazy...

Next to me, the giant fox was walking without making any sounds, Haruhi sleeping under a blanket on his back, her tiny hands holding to the fur and her mouth agap. Mika was absent, she went ahead to get a full understanding of the tracks.

« You're sure she's not a bother, Yasha-san ? » I asked Koan.

« She's better here. » he replied without looking at me « it's warm, she can rest... and I'm feeling better in my actual body anyway for traveling. Mika would be better with it too. I don't know why she keeps scouting with her human form... »

_I don't really care what would be best for Mika. She's a damn witch. _

Speaking of the devil, Mika came near us, stepping out of the forest.

« I have good news and bad news. » she said.

_You're bad news._

I waited for her to explain, silent. I haven't been talking to her since our last talk at the campfire and I wasn't eager to start again.

« Good news : Kazama isn't in Edo. He stopped before and is closer to us. We should reach him very soon. »

_That's relieving. Chizuru is near... _

« Bad news : He's at Hakone. »

_Fuck. _

Hakone. That meant we had no other choice than to get back on the Tokaido road and to pass the Hakone Sekicho, the checkpoint. With all the imperialists we avoided lately, I had no doubt that the checkpoint was already in their hands. If the SatCho was there, that could explain Kazama's presence. Him and Amagiri had been fighting alongside the Satsuma clan in Kyoto.

« Can we go through the checkpoint unnoticed, Yasha-san ? » I asked her, throat dry at the idea of speaking to her.

« I think, in regard of the circumstances, you can call me Mika now. » she said with a smile.

« I'd rather not. » I replied coldly.

« So resentful... » she sighed as if I was the one disrespectful.

I waited silently, not willing to repeat myself.

« You know what Hakone looks like right ? » she asked eventually and I nodded, well aware « it's mountainous with a single walking trail practicable and the Sekicho is right in the middle of it. We have no way to avoid it.

« Can you hide us, Yasha-san ? » I asked Koan.

« I can hide the both of you but I can't hide us. Foxes aren't affected by illusions. There are limits to my power. » he said.

« No way Koan gets near this checkpoint. » said Mika firmly « I will not put him in such danger. »

I took a moment to think. There probably was a way for me to get through... But I couldn't leave Haruhi here and I needed Mika to help me find Kazama. We all needed to go... There surely was another way...

« How far is the Sekicho ? » i asked Mika.

« About half an hour if we walk fast. » she answered « but we're not going. »

« I am. » I replied. « I'll scout and come back. Maybe I can find a flaw. »

Haruhi, who had woken up by the conversation, was looking at me with frightened eyes.

« Don't leave me... » she pleaded.

« You stay with Koan. » I ordered « the Sekicho will be too dangerous for you. You do not have any training as a spy and you'll be easily spotted, putting the both of us in danger. »

She nodded grudgingly and I started walking, Mika on my tracks.

« That is also valid for you, Yasha-san. » I objected.

« Maybe you'll need help. You never know. Don't worry, I'll be discreet. » she said with a smile.

_I don't want your help._

I stared at her but she just stared back and I started walking with her following me. I didn't care. If she was to put herself in danger, I wouldn't move a finger to come to her aid. Now that I knew Kazama was in Hakone, I didn't need her as much.

« Are you gonna pout long ? » she asked me abruptly.

_I'm not pouting. I just hate you._

« Usually, when I take a man, I don't keep him around that long but seeing you looking at me with contempt all the time isn't really pleasant. » she added with a sigh and a sulky pout, crossing her arms.

_Well, being tricked and realizing you had sex with a filthy animal isn't really pleasant either._

« And to think I tried to be nice... » she continued and I lost control.

« Nice ?! » I hissed, grabbing her collar and shaking her « you took control of me and forced me into something I had no desire in ! I don't know why my sword isn't already in you neck, witch ! »

_And now maybe I'm gonna get a fox of a son ! _

She pouted like a little girl and she really looked sorry. I guess it was the first time a man rebelled against her behaviour.

« But... I made you wake up and I took your wife's appearance so you could enjoy a moment with her... I thought it was a nice gesture since you're loving her... » she grumbled.

_How can she not understand that it is irrelevant ? She's not Chizuru, no matter what face she uses. And it's the contrary of a nice gesture. It makes things so difficult..._

I tightened my hand on her collar and gritted my teeths. I never hurt a woman before but that wasn't really a woman, was it ? Maybe I could feel better if I threw my fist in her face. Mika wasn't detaching her silver gaze from mine, waiting. She seemed so innocent that it was unsettling. No matter what I could do or say, she couldn't understand and that was hard for me. It was making me feel like my anger wasn't legitimate. I let go of her and kept walking, trying to calm myself down. She followed without another word, respecting my wish not to talk.

We got to the Sekicho faster than planned and hid, looking at the flow of travelers. As expected, the gates were in the hands of the Satsuma with their kamon flag dancing in the mountain wind. The flow of persons going through the gates was impressive but we couldn't hide in it. The soldiers were checking every traveler individually, even the women and children, opening every bag and confiscating every swords if their bearer didn't have a pass. The gate's prison was full with people and they were building another one, near, to continue their arrests. I never saw the gate so defended before. Mika was right, there was no way we could go through it unnoticed.

« Are you sure Chizuru's here ? » I asked her grudgingly.

« I don't know. » she whispered « I never met her, I don't know her smell. But I'm positive that Kazama's in Hakone village, behind these gates. »

« She smells of spices. » I tried but Mika just chuckled.

« I'm afraid this can't help me. When you smell spices, I smell a lot more than that. It's not enough for me to identify a person. »

We kept watching the gates and I tried to decipher the rounds of the guards, the moment they changed, their duties, their number of guns and their talent in swordfighting. I didn't notice that someone had sneaked up on us before I got a violent pain in the head and lost consciousness.


	18. Captor

I woke up tied to a tree with Mika in her fox form with a leash tied to her neck, her tail in a snare and a cloth on her head. She seemed to have trouble breathing and was lying on her four paws, her belly and head on the ground like a scared animal.

« You're full of ressources, Saito-san. Travelling with the daughter of Koan. » I heard in a familiar deep voice « is the old man around ? »

« Amagiri. » I saluted my captor with a nod of the head.

He crossed his arms and waited for me to answer his question but I had no intent to do so. Koan was looking after Haruhi further away and I would not put the both of them in danger.

« Why did you come, Saito-san ? » he asked with his deep calm voice.

« I'm getting Chizuru back. » I answered with volition.

« You can't. Kazama is no match for you. You will just die needlessly. »

« So she's here ? » I asked, ignoring his warnings.

He nodded and I felt relieved. She was there. Her plight was coming to an end.

_I'm coming, Chizuru. I'm getting you out of there. _

« Kazama won't let you approach her. » he continued « I have a lot of respect for you, Saito-san, but your quest is doomed to failure. I'm offering you a chance to turn your heels. »

« I will not. I have vowed to protect her. I will find her and never surrender until she's safe again. »

« Then you can turn around now because she's safer than she's ever been. » he sighed.

« You lie. » I hissed but I could see in his eyes that he wasn't. He really believed Chizuru was safe here, in Kazama's clutch.

« I don't. » he replied « Kazama is powerful enough to protect her, the shogunate is dying... If you take her with you, you will bring her back to the Shinsengumi, to battlefields, you will fight for a rotting cause and you will die doing so and probably take her to the afterlife with you. »

« You don't know what future holds. » I said calmly.

« I know enough to see that you will throw her into danger. » he nodded.

« Kazama's hurting her. » I hissed « I'm not leaving her in his hands. »

« I can assure you he is not. Yukimura is perfectly safe. »

« Her name is Saito. »

It was unnecessary to point it out. He knew perfectly what her name was supposed to be. I just needed to say it. Kazama could try and marry her, she was my wife. Her name was Saito. Saito. Not Yukimura, not Kazama. Saito Chizuru. And I was coming to save her.

Amagiri just look at me silently. He was probably wondering if he should kill me now because it was obvious that I wouldn't abandon her.

« Isn't her survival what matters the most to you ? » he asked suddenly « Kazama is good to her. He's treating her with respect and he's protecting her. I agree he's an impulsive man but he never hurted her. »

« You weren't there. » I objected in a painful whisper as I remembered the events of the past month « you haven't seen what I saw. How he kicked her around, how he pulled her hair, how he tortured her physically and mentally by making me suffer. She won't forget. »

« He's good to her. Believe me, Saito-san. » he assured again.

« Liar ! » I yelled, unable to control myself « you told me once you were on her side... and now, you're just handing her over to a tormentor ? How do you know what can happen behind closed doors ? I saw how he treated her, I heard what he said to her ! I will get her out of here or die trying ! »

« Kazama is never alone with Yukimura. » he told me calmly « He's waiting for her to accept him, as suitable. A male Oni will always protect a female, it's in the blood. »

« Bullshit. » I said.

It wasn't in my habits to curse. If Haruhi was there, she probably would have opened wide eyes. And Chizuru with her. It just came out naturally, out of anger. Amagiri watched me for a moment and threw my swords in my direction.

« Free yourself, I won't help you. Try not to ruin the rope, you'll need it. If you want to get to Hakone without crossing the Sekicho, you can use another mountain path, a bit east. It will be more climbing than hiking though. » he said, crossing his arms « The path you chose will only lead you to death. If you are prepared to face it, I won't stop you. You'll see that Yukimura is perfectly safe under Kazama's protection. »

« Thank you, Amagiri. » I nodded, trying to unsheathe my katana with my feet and bring the pommel to my hand.

« I will not warn Kazama of your arrival but that won't change anything to the outcome. »

I started cutting a rope to free myself under Amagiri's stare. Next to me, Mika was still flat on the ground and not moving at all.

« Send my regards to the old man. » said Amagiri, getting away « and if you do succeed to get Yukimura back, try to protect her efficiently. Don't make me regret that day. »

I didn't answer. My arms were free and I used them to pull on the ties and freeing the rest of my body. I took away the cloth on Mika's head and the leash around her neck but when I approached my hands from her tail, she squealed.

« Stop ! » she yelled. « Untie the other end first, you could cut my tail off ! I need my tail, it's the source of my powers ! »

I stopped and smirked at her.

« Tempting. »

« I hope it's a joke, Saito-san. » she pleaded « Listen, I already said I was sorry, okay ? Don't cut my tail off ! »

My grin grew wider and her animalistic eyes filled themselves in fear.

« Please, Saito-san ! » she pleaded again, not moving a single ear « please release me... »

« You deserve to be left here. » I said calmly, standing up as she froze, terrified.

I only did a few steps when Mika started barking again « Saito-san ! Come back ! Please, I'm sorry I played a trick on you, I'll be good, alright ? » she started whimpering when she realized she couldn't see me anymore and her voice turned desperate « Saito-san ! »

She felt the knot loosening around her tail and she jumped forward, changing into her human self. She turned around and came closer to slap my face but I blocked her hand easily.

« That wasn't funny at all. » she said with steel in her voice.

« Not as agreeable when you're the one played with, is it ? » I replied in my toneless voice, feeling a lot more joyful now that I took a small revenge.

She stayed stunned and then exploded in laughter, plunging her mocking silver eyes in mine with a mischievous grin.

« You would have made a wonderful Kitsune, Saito-san » she said, her playful attitude back « if I get a son out of you, he'll surely be powerful and smart. I wasn't mistaken. »

I ignored her and started walking to get back to Haruhi and Koan, the rope shoulderhung around me. We had to find the mountain path and with it, our way to get to Chizuru.


	19. Water

We found the mountain path east, as indicated by Amagiri. Just like he said, it was more of a climb than a hike. The steep inclines around Hakone were making our ascend laborious and grueling. To add to the difficulty, there were wide boulders along the way that were hard to pass, especially for Haruhi's tiny legs. Koan wasn't carrying her anymore, his own ascend already difficult enough for him to add the burden of a weight on his back. He kept his fox form and Mika took hers too, easier for them to jump from boulder to boulder.

I was leading the way to Haruhi with the rope around my stomach and linked to hers, a bit down. If she were to trip, the rope would prevent her from going all the way down. I asked her to be careful and to keep only a small slack so that I could still move without contraint but without putting her in danger. I, on the contrary, had no insurance in my climb. If I were to fall, I would go all the way to the bottom of the incline and I would drag Haruhi with me. I had to stay focused on each of my steps.

As we were getting higher, a thick mist started to obscure my vision and, looking down, I could see that Haruhi's knees were shaking with the fear of falling. It wasn't a cliff, far from it, but it still was very impressive for someone who never climbed before.

« Haruhi, calm yourself. » I ordered « if you keep shaking like this, your steps will put you in danger. »

I could see her trying to regain her composure and calm her trembling body, but it wasn't easy for a terrified nine years old.

« I'm too scared... » she said.

I didn't answer and waited for her to calm down. I couldn't get back down to her and I couldn't carry her either. She let out a long breath, probably to gain courage, and started climbing again.

« The path gets better a bit further ! » I heard Mika yell « Haruhi will be able to relax a bit and rest her legs and arms ! »

I nodded and turned to Haruhi who nodded too, making me acknowledge that she had heard. Her steps gained more force, her volition renewed with the prospect of rest. Mika wasn't lying, when I was able to see the rest of the path, I saw that although not flat, it was still a lot less steep that what we had climbed. When I was able to stand and after checking that my supports were strong, I grabbed the rope.

« Haruhi. » I called « put your feet on the path and let go of your hands. »

She looked at me as if I was crazy, clenching to the rocks she had in hand. I waited for her to comply and saw the trust in her gaze when she let go of her hands. I began pulling her up and she walked on the path until she reached me. I grabbed her by the collar of her kimono and led her on the flatter side. She caught her breath and sat for a while, resting her legs.

« Are you alright ? » I asked her.

« Yeah... » she answered, panting in exhaustion.

« I have good news ! » said fox Mika, near us in a blink. « I smell salt ! Mineral salt ! »

_Mineral salt, that meant hot spring._

« Let's go ! » she continued, jumping around in excitement « it seems very near ! Haruhi, wouldn't you kill for a hot bath right now ?! »

I saw Haruhi's eyes lit at the mention of a hot bath but I had to oppose.

« Our objective is Chizuru's rescue, there is no time for this kind of entertainment. »

« It's not entertainment » she objected « it's survival. Haruhi needs to get warm and to ease the pain of her muscles. The hot spring can help her achieve that ! And... » she added, coming closer to sniff me with disgust « after those days hiking in a forest, you need a bath as well. You're going to make your wife faint with your smell and trust me, I'm an expert. »

Haruhi chuckled and I frowned but it was true that we were all stinking and that the hot springs had a lot of medical virtues. They could probably help Haruhi with her sore muscles and me with mine even if I was better at ignoring the pain.

« Alright. » I said « but only if it's really near. You go find the hot spring, Yasha-san, and I stay here with Haruhi so she can catch her breath. We are walking again in one hour, with or without you. »

« Seems fair. » she nodded with her long pointed snout.

She went away and it took her only fithteen minutes to come back. There was a spring a bit downhill but with a very pratical path. It wouldn't be a big waste of time. We stood up and started walking again. When we got to the hot spring, Haruhi had stars in her eyes.

« It's the first time I see one... » she confessed in awe, approaching her hand of the water.

I caught her hand rapidly and dragged her away.

« We need to check it's not dangerous first. » I explained « the water can be boiling hot and we don't know what kind of minerals are inside. Some of them can hurt your skin. »

« I smell nothing more than inoffensive ones. » stated Mika, in her human form again « a little sulfur, no acidity... Can't tell for the temperature though... »

I unsheathed my wakizashi and plunged it into the hot sping for several seconds. I then brought the metal carefully to my thigh to have an idea of the temperature without hurting my hands or feet. I'll need them against Kazama. The temperature was hot but bearable. It seemed perfectly safe.

« Haruhi, you don't have wounds ? » I asked.

The hot spring could also carry infections. It was better to be sure to have a healthy body. Better safe than sorry.

« I don't. » she shook her head.

« Then you can go. » I said and I turned around as she undressed herself.

Mika's hakama and kimono disappeared in a blink and she winked at me before joining Haruhi in the water. I couldn't help but watch her naked body with her ginger tail and blushed uncontrollably, turning my eyes away.

_Damn Kitsune..._

Koan, still in his fox form, laid somewhere a bit flatter than the rest and started snoring almost immediately. Reporting my attention on the hot spring, I could see the girls enjoying themselves in the turbid water. After a few minutes, I called on Haruhi.

« Haruhi, get out. » I ordered « You risk to overheat. » She complied and got out and I put her in a clean nagajuban. « Go near Koan, I'll wash your kimono and you'll put it back when it's dry »

She obeyed and snuggled against the giant fox, warmed and relaxed. Just like he did, she fell asleep almost immediately. I made a fire near them and took Haruhi's clothes to the hot spring.

« You should get out too, Yasha-san. » I told Mika.

« Alright » she said, standing out of the water just in front of me and I started blushing again.

She was pouring the water off her hip-long ginger hair and was fully aware that I was avoiding to look at her. I moved a bit so I could access the water without getting my face in front of her womanhood, plunged Haruhi's kimono and najajuban in the water and took them back to the fire. I tied the rope between two trees and hung the clothes. Mika was looking at me the whole time with a wry smile.

I came back to the hot spring and got in, fully dressed, which made her chuckle.

« Maybe you should take your clothes off. » she laughed.

« Maybe you should put some on. » I replied coldly, undressing myself, the turbidity of the water hiding me.

« Alright. » she said with a wry smile.

Her body covered with a thin nagajuban, totally drenched in water that wasn't hiding anything at all. It was even worse than a simple naked skin. The nagajuban was following every curve of her body without covering it the slightest, leaving no room for imagination. Drenched that way, it was even see-through and I could see her pink nipples peeking underneath it in a very erotic way.

« Satisfied ? » she asked.

« That isn't appropriate. » I replied, avoiding to look at her.

« Why ? » she asked with a smirk.

« I thought you were supposed to behave. » I said and she chuckled in response.

« I'm behaving. » she grinned with a shrug « I'm not bewitching you, am I ? »

I got my clothes out of the water and put them on the side. I would hang them later. I tried to ignore Mika looking at me with hungry eyes, closing mines. The water was agreeably warming my skin and easing my sore muscles. I started to relax even if my mind was fully occupied by the desire to see Chizuru again and the annoyance of Mika's presence next to me.

I felt it coming even before feeling the pain. The bloodlust. My smell changed, like a shift. I felt more aware of all my surroundings, like a natural predator. Then the pain striked... My insides eating themselves, my heart crushed by a fist, my lungs out of breath... My ponytail was white already when I opened my eyes abruptly.

« Mika... » I called « my kimono... The powder... »

« Oh ! You're in demon form again ! » she said, curious.

« Mika, please... the powder... » I asked again.

« Alright, alright... » she said, looking into my kimono.

She found my sleeve pocket and started getting the hairpins out but when she found the medecine, there was no powder anymore. The little paper bags were soaked in water and the powder was gone. I saw it and felt hope leaving me. The pain got more intense. What a fool I was, so focused on Mika that I forgot about the medecine in my pocket and got into the water fully dress... The fingers around my heart tighten their grip and my intestines started burning in hunger.

« What happens if you don't take it ? » asked Mika, totally unaware of the danger of staying next to me.

She wasn't smelling good but she was the closest. I jumped out of the water and landed on her, holding her wrists in my hands. I could smell the blood pulsing. I wanted it. Uncontrollably, I passed my tongue on my lips in anticipation.

« Don't hurt me, Hajime ! » yelled Chizuru's face beneath me and I backed off in horror exactly at the same moment I felt the teeth of the giant fox closing on my skull.


	20. Bloodlust

I was half lifted in the air, my knees not on the ground anymore, and Mika freed herself from my loose grip on her wrist, still with Chizuru's appearance. She jumped out of my reach, or I supposed since I heard her moving but my eyes were closed in pain. The teeth entering my skull matched in intensity the suffering of my bloodlust and I groaned, trying to speak before the giant fox turn my head into a cracked nut.

« Koan... Yasha-san... I'm in control... » I whispered painfully.

I felt the pressure loosen up and my knees and hands touched the floor again. The teeth stopped digging into my skull and instead, a powerful paw made me fall flat on my stomach and kept me in place.

« Yasha-san... let go of me... » I asked, gritting my teeth.

« I'm afraid I can't do that, Saito-san. Not until I can see your hair turn back to you natural color. Quit you demon form and I'll release you. » he explained calmly.

_I wish I could..._

« Hajime ! Are you alright ? » I heard Haruhi squeak.

_That smell..._

She was near, very near. Opening my eyes and lifting them, I could see that she kneeled in front of me, anguish painted on her face. She smelled good... A lot better than the foxes... I only would have to extend my hand and I could make the pain disappear...

I shook my head and stayed still under Koan's paw. Maybe it could pass, even without the medecine. It had to. How did Sannan and Heisuke did before the development of the powder ? There surely was a way to calm the pain. I shouldn't have relied on the medecine in the first place. Because of it, I was still unfamiliar with the bloodlust pain and the way to fight it. I chose the easiest path and now that is was impractical, I had no skill to walk another one. It was stupid.

_The easiest path is always a trap. If it feels simple, you're probably doing it wrong. _

My old sensei's words when I told him, years ago, that some positions or placements felt unnatural to me.

_The way of the blade is one of discomfort. You have to find comfort in these unnatural movements. And the only way to become comfortable with them is to master them._

He was right at that time and he was still right now. This pain was nothing more than a discomfort. I had to master it, get back the control on my body. I tried to use my mind and calm myself, meditate, empty my brain from all thoughts, all sensations, all suffering... It wasn't easy flat on the ground with the pressure of Koan's paw on my back but I tried my best. The others kept silent, even Haruhi, probably knowing what I was trying to do and doing their best not to disturb me.

I don't know how much time passed, seconds, minutes, hours... But I felt the tide of the pain reflux, burying itself back into my bones and then, I could only feel the familiar one, the one induced by then sun. I felt the paw releasing me and had a look at my ponytail which was raven-like again. I stood up in deafening silence and walked quietly to my bag to put on a clean nagajuban, covering my nakedness. I then walked to my clothes and hung them near the fire like I did with Haruhi's. I kept my eyes low, out of shame and turned to my companions when I was ready to speak again, throat dry and humiliated by my own weakness.

« Please accept my apologies, Yasha-san » I said to Mika, bowing in her direction « my behavior was unacceptable. » I then turned to Koan, bowing again « Thank you, Yasha-san for your quick reaction. » I turned to Haruhi, still puzzled and scared. « Haruhi... » I started but stoped halfway « put your kimono on. You're going to catch a cold. »

She obeyed and picked her now-dried pink kimono from the rope and put it on. Her eyes were coming back to me, scared but aware that it was rude to stare. I saw her put her wakizashi back in her obi and verify that she could unsheathe it quickly in case of danger. I didn't have any illusions about what the danger could be. It was me. Her own father.

I sat next to the fire and let it warm me the time necessary for my clothes to dry. Neither Mika, Koan or Haruhi spoke to me or came near me. I was alone with my curse. A monster. Nothing more than that. Was it really worthy of me to go and rescue Chizuru ? Impose her the presence of a bloodthirsty monster ? Making her realize how low I've fell since the day I died ? Or was my journey only caused by my never-ending selfishness ?

Maybe it was more merciful to let her remember me as I was and not show her what I've become. If Amagiri was telling the truth, she was safer than she ever was with Kazama and he was treating her right. Maybe in time she would develop some affection for him, maybe it was already the case. She would marry him, make him heirs, pure-blood Onis. Kazama was her kin. Surely there were things he could offer her that I could never. There already was a gap between us before, she Oni, I human. Now the gap was more of a yawning abyss. Oni and Rasetsu. A goddess and a cursed living corpse. She deserved better.

It was time for me to accept the evidence. Chizuru had never been mine to take in the first place, I knew it from the start, but I let my despicable selfishness appropriate her, keeping her all to myself when I had no right on her. In the end, I just made her suffer. How many times had I seen her cry ? How many times was it my fault ? I brought her nothing but sorrow and danger and now, I was there to get her back ? To put her in a situation even worse ? How could I guarantee her safety, how could I protect her when I was the danger ?

Chizuru had never been mine to take. She was what was more precious to me, my dream of hapiness, full of swirling colors. Now was time to wake up and get back to the grey reality. I was a sword. Nothing more. I had to come back to being a sword and do my duty until I loose my life doing it. Emotions were the enemies of the samurai. They made me do mistakes. I would not allow them to cause even more suffering to the woman I loved. Sometimes, the best you can do, is to let go.

I picked up my dried clothes, put them on and passed my swords in my obi, resolved.

« Let's go. » I told my companions « we still have a long way to go. »

I started walking east without waiting for an answer and Mika yelled at me.

« Saito-san ! It's the wrong way ! Our path was east of Hakone already, we need to get west to reach the village. »

« We're not going to Hakone. » I replied in my toneless voice « we're heading to Edo. »


	21. Turmoil

« To Edo ? » repeated Mika in disbelief « but... what about your wife, Saito-san ? »

I didn't answer and kept walking until tiny hands gripped my kimono and tried to pull me back.

« Hajime, you mean we won't rescue Chizuru-neechan ? » asked Haruhi.

Again, I didn't answer and resumed walking. They couldn't understand. Chizuru wouldn't be any safer with me. She wouldn't be any happier either. I needed to set her free from the burden of my person, always pulling her back down, to sorrow and danger.

« Hajime ! » she continued, still trying to make me turn around « Chizuru-neechan is waiting for you ! You said she was in danger ! We can't abandon her now ! »

« Leave him, Haruhi. » I heard Koan say « the man can make his own decisions. I'm sure Saito-san has his reasons. »

« Guess the man didn't care that much about his wife in the end. » said Mika with contempt.

I gritted my teeth at the hear of her sarcastic jab but didn't waver. I would go to Edo, join back the Shinsengumi and do my duty. Chizuru would stay safe with her kin, hopefully. As much as Kazama could hurt her, at least she wasn't at risk of being devoured alive by her husband.

Haruhi let go of my kimono and came running to position herself in front of me and force me to stop.

« Why are you turning your back on her ? » she asked, furious.

« Haruhi, forget it. You wouldn't understand. » I said, shaking my head.

A sword. Nothing more. I had to get rid of my emotions, my feelings... and serve.

« Does that have to do with your face earlier ? » she asked again.

« This is not something I may talk to you about. » I answered, swerving to pass her.

« You're a Rasetsu. » she said and I froze in place.

« Repeat what you just said. » I ordered, turning to her with wide eyes.

« You're a Rasetsu. » she repeated firmly.

I waited for her to explain further what she knew about the Rasetsu. It was one of the shogunate's biggest secret. How could Haruhi know about it ? Did Souji tell her ? Could he be that stupid ?

« When Harada-san taught me to do origami, I practiced a lot on my own and one day, I wanted to show him a frog I made but when I arrived, I noticed he wasn't alone in his room. I wanted to turn away because you told me it's not polite to listen to doors but Nagakura-san was sounding so sad that I wanted to know why. I thought that maybe I could find a way to cheer him up if I knew... Sorry... »

« What did you hear ? » I asked in my toneless voice.

« Nagakura-san was speaking about a common friend, Heisuke. » she continued « that he became a Rasetsu instead of dying and that now, he couldn't be with them anymore. He said that he missed Heisuke and he was glad he wasn't dead but he'd rather die than become a... monster... Sorry... It's just... It's what he said... »

« It's alright. » I nodded « go on. »

« I heard about the crimson eyes and the white hair... The madness... And I heard that what was responsible was the Ochimizu, a kind of medecine that save people when they are going to die, turning them into Rasetsu. »

_So you know everything... _

« So now you understand why I can't take Chizuru with me. She would be exposed to a great danger with me. I took the serum to save my life and hers, but I cannot achieve that as a monster. I am cursed. » I whispered in grief.

« Sometimes we need to do gruesome things to protect the ones we love. » she said and I opened my eyes wide again.

« What did you say ? » I asked again, wondering if I heard correctly.

« It's a great samurai who taught me this, one that I respect very much. He told me that his honor resided where he chose to put it and that it was strictly personal but that abandoning Chizuru-neechan wouldn't have been respectable to him. »

I felt slapped in the face by my own words coming out of Haruhi's mouth. So she did listened when I spoke to her. I fell on my knees and took her in my arms. I felt so overwhelmed I thought I could cry.

« A true samurai is someone who is passionate about defending the ones around him. » she continued, closing her hands on my back. « That's from Kondou-san. And I have a lot of these. I can go on for hours. I think everyone at the headquarters wanted me to learn all this moral principles. »

« I'm not a samurai anymore, Haruhi... » I whispered. « Nor I am a captain or a husband... »

_A captain without a division. A husband without a wife. A samurai without honor. _

« It's ok to feel down sometimes, Otousama. It doesn't make you less of a warrior. »

I twitched and pulled my head off her to look at her, my mouth uncontrollably agap in surprise.

_She... She called me otousama... Father..._

I never expected that to happen, neither it to move me that much. She... did call me father... Not my name or older brother... but father... And with respect, nonetheless...

_« Will I have to call you father ? »_

_« No. I am not your father and I will never pretend to be. »_

How many times had I replayed this conversation in my head now that I considered her my daughter ? How many times did I wish that I had another answer to her question ? Having her calling me father was something I craved for, for a long time, without allowing myself to dream about it and now, it was happening. And it was coming from her, genuinely. I was her father, at last.

« That last one was from Harada ! » she said with a wide smile and I couldn't help but smile with her.

_Harada, Kondou-san... _

« Good. You are paying attention to wise men. » I nodded with a smile.

« Maybe you should listen to them too » she said.

I escaped a small laugh. Haruhi was right and she pulled me out of the darkness of my thoughts with the aid of Kondou-san, Harada... and even a better version of myself.

« Thank you, Haruhi. » I whispered and she held me tight, as if she wanted to confort me.

I could smell her blood from there but I didn't care. I was stronger than that. I would overcome my Rasetsu nature, I knew I would. I just had to get used to it and master myself. Now that the bloodlust was gone, I was strong again.

« Now, let's go get Chizuru-neechan, Otousama. Kazama's a prick who needs to get a sword up his ass ! »

« No cursing. » I replied, smirking.

« It was only for the accuracy of the quote. That's Okita-san. » she grinned just like Souji used to.

I exploded in laughter. That hadn't happen to me in a long time... Maybe all the way back to Shieikan Hall when my life was a bit more insoucient and carefree, when Souji wasn't ill, when Sannan wasn't a shadow of himself, when the shogunate wasn't dying, when Inoue was alive and Toudou was a joyful clown... When we were all sharing Kondou-san's dream and wanted to make a difference. I felt the pressure evacuate my body and the burden on my shoulders lift itself as I was laughing all my worries away.

« Otousama » asked Haruhi, visibly concerned « are you alright ? Is that the madness ? »

I chuckled nervously, trying to calm myself, and stood up, rubbing my hand in Haruhi's hair. Maybe I did it with a bit too much violence because her kanzashi fell on the ground and I kneeled back to tie her hair. Instead of the high ponytail, I made a big bun and I got Yuki's hairpin out of my sleeve to put it in it.

« That was your mother's. » I explained when I saw her curious face « I offered it to her a long time ago, telling her that the carved wood was strong and honest and that it reflected her soul. You have the same pure soul she had and like her, you helped me out of the darkness. »

« Thank you, Otousama. » she said with a smile.

« Haruhi, I'm... » I stuttered stupidly, blushing « Don't get me wrong, I'm glad you decided to call me father but maybe less formal ? »

_Getting from a simple colloquial « Hajime » to a formal « sama » is really feeling strange to me. It puts so much distance between us._

_« _Otousan ? » she asked « or you want me to keep Hajime ? I used sama to show you how much respect I have for you. »

« Just... Whatever you like. » I replied, aware that I was blushing red in embarrassment.

During all our conversation, human Mika and fox Koan had patiently waited for us to finish arguing and I turned to them.

« Pardon my bewilderment, Yasha-san » I apologized to the both of them « I'm ready to reach Hakone. How far is it, now ? »

« We should reach the village before nighttime. » answered Mika with a smile, arm crossed « it's good to have you back. »

I nodded and waited for her to lead us again. She took the head of the line and we walked again towards Hakone. I didn't know what I would find there but I wouldn't turn away.

_I'm coming Chizuru. I don't know if you'll want to accompany me but I'm coming anyway. The choice will be yours. _


	22. Spy

« You're ready ? » I asked Haruhi, kneeling in front of her with my hands on her shoulders.

« Yes. » she nodded vigorously.

I stared in her gaze for a while. I used children before for spying missions, little street beggars, but my own daughter... That wasn't the same. I was deliberately putting her in danger but that was the logical choice. As a kid, she wouldn't raise suspicion amongst the townfolks and she would be able to recognize Chizuru without being recognized by Kazama. In light of my conversation with Amagiri, Koan was well-known and Mika was probably too. Haruhi would have to go alone.

« Give me your wakizashi. » I ordered her and she complied.

I put it on the side and went to my bag to get my tanto. I tried to hide it in Haruhi's obi but it was way to small to conceal the one shaku blade. I got back to my bag again and got out an even smaller kaiken that I brought for hunting. This time, it fitted.

« You be careful. » I told her very seriously « this blade doesn't have any scabbard and I'm going to make it very sharp before you leave. »

« I'll be careful. » she nodded.

« If you get attacked, do not try to fight honorably. You keep your blade hidden until the last moment. If you're on the ground, you strike here, on the inside. » I showed her on my thigh « that's the femoral artery. You strike deep and you run. Your assaillant won't be able to follow and luckily he will die from the rapid blood loss. »

« I understand. » she nodded.

« If you're lifted in the air, you go for the throat if you are close enough. » I continued with the same calm « If you're too far to do it with enough force, you go for the eye. It's easy to pierce. That will destabilize your adversary. If he drops you, you run. If he doesn't, chances are that he will still bend over due to the pain and that will bring him closer to you, allowing you to slit his throat. »

« Okay ! » she nodded seriously.

« You don't try anything else. » I ordered « no honorable duel, no Tennen Rishin Ryû and you don't strike in the stomach. You're not powerful enough to make real damages here. And if you are far enough and not restrained, you run. »

« I understand. » she nodded again.

« Stop nodding. Repeat what I said. »

« I run if I can. If I'm on the ground, I strike inside the thigh. If I'm in the air, I slit the throat, if I'm too far, the eye. And I run instead of fighting more. » she repeated very seriously.

« Good. » I nodded « if you fail to run or kill, you reveal your identity. You say that you are Saito Hajime's daughter. The demons will probably want to keep you alive to lure me into a trap. »

« But... That would put you in danger. » she objected.

« It will. » I agreed « but my safety isn't worth your life. So you tell them right away and you act like a scared little girl. They will probably not torture you if you tell them the truth. »

« Torture ? » she repeated, suddenly realizing how dangerous her mission was.

« Yes. If you can't fight and can't run, you scream your name and mine. That should ensure your safety. You do not waste time thinking about my personal well being. Am I understood ? »

« Okay... » she said, unassured.

« Are you sure you're ready ? » I asked again.

« Yeah. » she nodded vigorously « I'm ready. »

« Practice getting it out quickly. » I ordered.

I watched her getting the blade out of her obi repeatedly. After a few minutes, she was gaining confidence and was able to do it at a correct speed.

« Give it to me. » I told her and I gave her the tanto scabbard that was approximately the same length. « Attack me. »

She hid it in her obi and I took a straight branch to fake a sword. I came to try and catch her but she ran.

« Haruhi, I said attack me. »

« But I was far enough to run ! » she yelled.

_True. She chose the logical choice... _

« I see. » I smirked « yes, that was appropriate but I want to be sure you can strike where it matters so for this particular example, you will defend yourself and not run. »

« Okay. » she nodded.

I came closer, my fake sword in hand and I tried to catch her again. She took the tanto scabbard out of her obi and slid it across my thigh, on the inside.

« Good. » I said. « The closer you are to the groin, the better it is. Practice with the scabbard while I take care of your kaiken. »

I took her blade and whetted it, using a stone to ground it until it was as sharp as a razor blade. I then powdered and oiled it before handing it back to her.

« You be careful. » I repeated.

« I will. » she assured me.

« I will get to the border of Hakone in the twilight. » I continued « you gather as much informations as you can today and you find me when it starts to get dark. If you can't find Chizuru, find Kazama. If you can find both and give me intels about their whereabouts, it's even better. »

« What does he look like ? »

_Like an arrogant worthless piece of shit._

« He's tall, blond, with crimson eyes like a Rasetsu. He has a very deep voice that sounds commanding and arrogant and he's probably wearing clothes made with very refined fabrics, like a lord. »

« Okay, should be easy to spot ! » she smiled genuinely.

«Take this. » I added, handing her money « eat sweets, go to tea houses... find places where people talk and listen to them. »

« Okay ! »

I looked in her eyes again. She wasn't ready at all despite everything she could say, but I didn't have any other option. She had to go. I just hoped she could do her duty with seriousness and abnegation. I would need every little piece of intels when I'll come.

« Go. » I told her « keep walking west and you should join Hakone in a bit less than an hour. You. Be. Careful. »

She nodded one last time and went off. My eyes followed her until she was out of sight and a rock of anxiety started growing in my chest. I stayed a while, looking in the direction she took and wondering if I hadn't thrown her directly into certain death.

I decided to calm myself and inspected my swords to verify they didn't need any oiling. I oiled my wakizashi since I put it in the hot spring water and looked at Haruhi's too, but the brand new blade was still in perfect condition.

Was Haruhi ok ? Maybe I should have accompanied her. She could break her leg on the path or get in front of a bear...

_Bears are hibernating, Hajime. It's February. And she walked perfectly since the beginning of our journey, she's not going to do something reckless now. _

Ok, maybe not the bear then, but accidents do happen.

« Would you mind sitting down, Saito-san ? » I heard Koan say, visibly annoyed « I'm trying to rest and you're distracting me. »

I didn't realize I was pacing and I apologized to the old fox before sitting down with human Mika.

« She'll be fine. » she said with a smile.

« I know. » I replied.

« You don't look like you know. » she chuckled and I turned, annoyed « she reached the village. I can scent her there. »

I thanked Mika for this information and felt a little bit more relaxed. Since it was daytime, my body was eager to sleep and I put my sandagosa over my head as I laid down on the forest floor. I managed to fall asleep easily and when I woke up, my organism was fully rested contrary to all the times I slept at night. I looked at the sunlight to decipher the time of the day and saw that twilight wasn't that far away. I grabbed my swords, Haruhi's, and started walking on my daughter's tracks.

When I reached Hakone, I stayed hidden in the border of the forest, behind ferns. The village was more of a small town, wealthy because of all the Tokaido route travellers passing by and all the hot springs around, made into thermal ressorts. It was a very touristic place before. Now that the Sekicho controls were getting stricter, it wasn't as crowded as the last time I came.

I saw Haruhi coming my way before she could even notice me. I made her a small sign and she joined me. I didn't show her how relieved I was to see her safe.

« Chizuru's here. » she told me with excitement.

« Where ? » I asked her and she showed me a small house. « Alone ? »

« I'm not sure. I tried to find out who was entering and getting out and either she's alone inside, either there were people that I didn't see were in and didn't left. »

I nodded. That was already a valuable information.

« Did you find Kazama ? » I asked.

« I think so. » she nodded vigorously « He's with another man, very tall, auburn hair and blue eyes, maybe about fourty years old.

« Amagiri. » I identified.

_Good. That means it really is Kazama that she spied on. _

« There are guards at the house where Chizuru is. Two at the front door and it looks like there is also a back door because there's someone else at the back. Or maybe he's just looking for the window. It's a two story house and I saw Chizuru at the window, she's probably upstairs. »

« Thank you, Haruhi. » I said « you're a talented spy. »

« I know. » she assured me proudly, straightening her back « I haven't been noticed once ! »

« You're sure of that ? » I asked her.

« I thought I had been by the auburn hair man but he turned away shortly after. » she goaded.

_So Amagiri probably noticed you and decided not to tell anyone. I still do not understand where his loyalty resides. _

« Perfect. » I told her, not eager to put her moral down. « Stay here, your mission is finished. »

« Can't I rescue Chizuru-neechan ? » she asked, visibly disappointed.

« No. You stay hidden and wait here. » I ordered, handing her back her wakizashi. « If you're in danger, you scream as loud as you can. »

« Okay. » she nodded.

The night was down already and I started moving silently in the shadows, keeping my objective in sight. I was finally getting to the aim of my journey. Now was the final act, either I would take Chizuru back with me, either I would die trying.

_Either she would refuse to accompany you. _

That was also a possibility but I prefered not to think about it. I rounded the house to get to the back and easily slit the throat of the guard under the window with my tanto, a hand on his mouth. When he collapsed, dead, I looked up at the window and climbed, quiet and resolved.


	23. Rescue

I opened the window silently, making it slide with caution, and instantly, I felt my heart pounding in my chest. Chizuru was there. I couldn't see her face since she was turning her back at me but it was her. I could have recognized her from any angle. She was warming her hands with a hibachi, sitting in seiza on her futon. Her hair were arranged with a lot of different hairpins and she was wearing a black hikizuri silk awase kimono with a trail and long sleeves. There was a pattern on the lower part of the kimono, sinuous stripes of gold representing fields on hills, while the upper part was plain black with only a golden family crest, three peaches. She looked like a princess or a courtesan, although an oiran wouldn't wear a kamon. I guess it was suitable for the princess of the Yukimura clan.

She was alone and still hadn't noticed me so I came closer, still very cautious. There were chances this was a trap, especially since Amagiri noticed something was wrong with Haruhi. As I was just behind her, I kneeled and took her in my arms, muffling her surprised scream with my palm.

« Although a peach is an appropriate depiction of your person, I think a kamon with bamboo leaves would suit Saito-san much better. » I whispered in my toneless voice, tightening my embrace around her.

She escaped another scream of surprise, still muffled by my hand and I saw her blush in embarrassment. I didn't release her, not yet. I needed to fill myself with her scent, her warmth... and I wanted to savor it in case she would ask me to go. In the end, maybe I was a coward but I feared hearing her voice again, feared what she could say to me.

After a few seconds though, I grudgingly ended my one-sided hug and took my hand off her mouth. She jumped on her feet and I met her astonished chestnut gaze.

« Ha... Hajime... » she stuttered « I... You... You... They told me... »

« I'm not dead, Chizuru. » I said, understanding what she was trying to say.

_And even if I was, I would have found a way to come back for you._

« You... You're not... » she continued to stutter uncontrollably.

And instead of words, she just threw herself in my arms. The anxiety left, along with the fear of rejection and the anguish, and was replaced by an intense warmth. I closed my arms on her and held her as she started crying. None of my doubtful feelings mattered anymore. All of the sudden, there was clarity, no more sorrow, no more pain, no more bloodlust... Just the love of her.

« Ha...Hajime... » she sobbed, gripping to my kimono.

« Shh... It's over, Chizuru... » I whispered, caressing the back of her neck to not ruin her beautiful hairstyle. « I'm here to take you home. »

« Home ? » she asked, still whimpering.

« Not Kyoto, obviously. » I answered « but to the Shinsengumi, in Edo. »

She pulled away from me and looked at me with tears filling her eyes. She brought her hands to my face and touched my skin as if she could just shatter me with her fingers.

« It really is you. » she said as first full sentence since I came in.

« Ha. » I simply answered and I leaned over to kiss her.

I missed her so much, I needed that right now, no matter the danger I was putting myself into with every second I was staying in this room. I kissed her lovingly, tenderly, with caution instead of passion. I think a part of me was still thinking she could reject me, even now. Although it was a somewhat restrained kiss, my body felt numb and I was entranced in the communion of our two selves, reunited at last. Our lips, although silent, said more than words ever could. I parted with regret but I was lucky enough not to have been noticed yet and I intended it to stay that way.

« Chizuru, will you come with me ? » I asked her.

« But... Kazama... » she hesitated.

« Is that his kamon ? » I asked, showing the peaches with a nod.

« Y...Yeah... » she blushed « Th... There is one on... all my outfits... »

« Did he marry you ? » I asked again.

« N... Not yet... » she answered.

« Then he doesn't matter. » I just said « I remember our wedding pretty well. You are Saito Chizuru and Kazama isn't part of this equation. »

« I... guess but Hajime... If he finds you here, he's going to kill you, for real this time ! » she cried « I... I accepted it, my.. my fate...To save you so... I can't go now... »

« Kazama can try to kill me but I am not the same man I was then. » I said to her, wiping her tears away with a thumb. « I'm not injured, I have no fever, I have all my reflexes... »

_I drank the Ochimizu._

That was something I couldn't bring myself to tell her, not yet. I didn't want her attitude towards me to change because of my new nature. I wanted her to see her husband, the man she loved... Not a bloodthirsty monster.

« Let's go, Chizuru. » I tried again « trust me. »

She looked at me with trust, love and a bit of fear, probably towards the unknow. She nodded and went to a cupboard, taking her kodachi and her tanto, the one she got on our wedding. I was a bit surprised Kazama let her keep these weapons but I guess he wasn't considering her a threat.

She used the tanto to cut in her beautiful kimono, ripping all the trailing part, not practical for fleeing and she took some ties to tie her long sleeve.

« Do you have something for the cold ? » I asked her with concern, watching her tearing apart the fabric.

Even if her awase kimono was very thick and lined and that silk was a good warmth keeper material, I was worried she could still get cold.

« I have a wool haori and thick tabi for my feet. » she explained, putting them on.

« Good, we're traveling on foot. » I said.

« We ? » she asked, puzzled.

« Haruhi's here. » I explained « and two members of the Yase clan. »

« The Yase... » she muttered to herself, putting her wool haori on.

« Let's go. » I hurried her.

I walked towards the window and jumped to the ground. I extended my arms and asked her to jump. She expired and closed her eyes before doing so and she landed in my arms unhurt. I put her down with a smile and we stayed in the shadows to reach the borders of the forest. When we arrived we found Haruhi and another Chizuru, this one in a hakama and with silver eyes.

« Wha... What is this ? » asked my Chizuru, eyes wide.

« Yasha Mika-san. » I explained « Don't pay attention. »

Was it really the moment for Mika to take Chizuru's appearance ?!

« Chizuru-neechan ! » said Haruhi, hugging her « I'm so happy ! »

« I'm enchanted to finally meet you, Saito-san » said Chizuru-Mika with respect « Your husband really did all he could to get you back. He surely cares a lot about you. »

_So you're enchanted to meet her but that didn't prevent you from fucking her husband, right ?_

Chizuru nodded, mouth agap to see her face talk so casually to her. Mika looked at her pensively and changed her clothes and hairstyle to match Chizuru's except her kimono wasn't ripped of its trail.

« Perfect. » she commented, watching at her new black kimono with the Kazama kamon. « Which house is it ? »

I understood what her plan was and had to object. It was way too dangerous.

« Yasha-san, you won't be able to fool Kazama. He's a perceptive man. » I told her calmly « your eyes will give you away. »

« That's a detail. » she said with a wave of the hand. « When he's not bewitched, I'll just have to close my eyes. That worked perfectly well in the past, don't you agree ? »

I blushed uncontrollably at the memory of the moment we shared together and how she kept her eyes closed, making me believe it actually was Chizuru.

_Can we not bring that subject up in front of my wife, please ?_

« Kazama isn't the kind of man you want to play a trick on. » I warned « He won't be as understanding as... other men... »

« I need an Oni » she said firmly « a strong one. Kazama is pure-blood. The son I will get will be as powerful as Koan, maybe more if Kazama is that exceptional. Men aren't a problem, Saito-san. No matter how powerful they are. »

« Kaoru is also pure blood and he's prisonner in the Yase clan. » I suggested.

« Sen-himesama will never agree to let me use him. » she chuckled « Kazama's my best option. You tell my father I'll come back to him as soon as I'm sure I'm with child. Tell him I love him, alright ? »

« I will. » I said, knowing that whatever I could say, she wouldn't change her mind.

I showed her the house where Chizuru was supposed to be and she changed into her fox form for discretion. I saw her change back to climb through the window and got mixed feelings. I was still mad at her for the trick she played on me but still, I knew that it was only natural to her and I had some sympathy for her. A part of me couldn't help but think that this was a farewell. Kazama wouldn't fall in that trap. I turned to my family, finally reunited and started walking.

« Let's go. »

We started walking together. I wanted to turn around and get Mika back. She was offering us a wonderful opportunity but her life was on the line. As much as I wanted to put my sword through Kazama, there was a chance he could still overpower me even as a Rasetsu. The logical choice was to bring back Chizuru to the Shinsengumi, where we could all protect her and then, if my path crossed Kazama's again, I could fight him and make him pay for what he did. Even if I were to die in this fight, Chizuru would still be protected by all the Shinsengumi, out of his reach.

We walked for an hour in silence. Haruhi was holding Chizuru's hand to guide her through the obscure forest. The moonlight wasn't enough to light our way. I saw a fire afar and supposed that was the camp. As expected, I found Koan there, in his human form, probably not to scare Chizuru. He looked at me with an ageless sadness.

« Where's Mika ? » he asked me.

« She stayed. » I answered. « She will come back when she's with child and she loves you. »

He nodded and reported his gaze on the fire. I brought Chizuru next to it as well and she warmed herself, along with Haruhi.

« I'm loosing my fourth daughter tonight. » said Koan after minutes of silence « youngsters never listen. »

« She's not dead. » I tried to reassure him.

« Not yet. » he shook his head « She's a lot too overconfident. That will kill her. »

I didn't answer. I shared his concerns for Mika but I couldn't come close to the affection Koan had for her. I sat next to Chizuru by the fire and she rested her head on my shoulder, looking at the dancing flames.

« Thank you, Hajime. » she said and I passed my arm around her waist.

« Warm yourself. » I told her « We will be going in a few minutes. We are too close from Hakone. »

She nodded and passed her arm around Haruhi's shoulders. We were a family again.


	24. Family

When everyone was ready, we started moving again, east, towards Edo and the Shinsengumi. Haruhi wouldn't let go of Chizuru's hand, happy to be with her again. Contrarily to the past days, we weren't walking in silence. The kid had a lot to say to Chizuru and she told her all about Kaoru, Souji, her training, Osaka, our journey and the Kitsune. Chizuru was smiling and sometimes laughing at the girl's stories and it warmed my heart to see her so joyful. I feared that when I would find her, she would be in the state that Kaoru faked for days but she seemed so happy that it was contagious... Never would I leave her again.

« Yasha-san. » I told Koan « If you feel more at ease in your natural form, I have no objection. My wife won't be scared. »

« Thank you, Saito-san » he replied « but I think it is safer for me to keep a human form now that we are approaching Edo. We could meet a lot of travelers and we are soon going to get back on the Tokaido route. »

I nodded and reported my gaze on my wife, walking ahead of me, her hand moving back and forth into Haruhi's. What a relief to have her back... I was a bit annoyed with all the hairpins and the Kazama kamon on the back of her kimono and haori but that was a detail. He could try to put his brand on her, she was mine. She had always been mine and I wasn't willing to hand her away as long as she would have me.

« And I thought I would trip and fall but Hajime's rope was always helping me getting higher and you know what ? There was a hot spring ! » I heard Haruhi's excited voice explain to Chizuru.

« Really ? » she replied with a smile.

« Yeah ! It was the first time I saw one ! And it was so nice ! I bathed with Mika and we played in the water. »

I sensed Koan stiffen at the mention of his daughter's name. He still wasn't over her defection. He didn't say anything though and I didn't know what to say either. We kept watching the two of them until Koan eventually opened his mouth.

« Haruhi » he called « walk with me, we'll play with the butterflies. »

Haruhi's face painted with a giant smile and she joined Koan. Chizuru stopped walking a bit until I was next to her. She grabbed my hand and I got a little surprise by that contact but the surprise didn't last long. I closed my fingers on hers, savoring the softness of her skin. She didn't say a thing for a while and we just kept walking peacefully.

« You don't have to hide it from me, you know. » she eventually said.

« What do you mean ? » I asked her, looking at her from below my sandogasa.

The dawn was peaking through the trees and I had put my hat back to protect me.

« That you drank the Ochimizu. » she said softly.

« I wasn't hiding it. » I said in my toneless voice.

« You weren't telling me either. » she objected with a smile.

I stayed silent. It was true that I intended to hide it from her as long as I could, out of fear that she could reject me. I didn't want her pity.

« You couldn't have healed that fast from all the wounds you had if it wasn't for the Ochimizu. » she explained « but I am glad you took it and that you are still alive... Maybe that's selfish of me... Telling you that I am glad that you suffer so much just because I want to keep you with me... »

« It's not selfish. » I shook my head « If you were in the position I was then, I would have wanted you to drink it too if it was the only way for you to keep living. »

« Thank you, Hajime. » she said, resting her head on my shoulder « Thank you for taking it. Thank you for finding me. »

_You thank me... For taking it... You do not see me like a monster... How can I be so blessed with you ? Even when I was human, I fed my sword with so many springs of blood that even I can't remember how many persons I ended. I killed too many to count, enemies and allies alike. And you... The first time you got my blade on your throat, your eyes showed nothing but respect... Not contempt... You knew I was a murderer and yet, you never feared me. You always told me I was protecting you even though I could have killed you in a blink if given the order... Now I'm putting you in an even greater danger and you thank me... With all my sins, why did my karma decided that I was worth to have you ?_

« Hajime ? » she asked « what are you thinking about ? »

« It's nothing. » I replied, unable to put words to explain to her all the thoughts that went through my head. « Did Kazama hurt you ? »

« No. » she shook her head « Well, I think he could have but he wouldn't have dared in front of Amagiri and he stayed with us the whole time. »

« I see. » I said, relieved.

« Amagiri is a very kind man, you know. » she continued « He taught me a lot. »

« What did he teach you ? » I asked.

« About Oni, about my family and my clan... » She noticed that I frowned and she blushed « sorry ! You're probably fed up with Oni right now... »

« Never apologize for speaking to me, Chizuru. » I said calmly « I want to know everything you might say. »

_In fact, I could listen to anything as long as I can hear it in you voice. I missed it for so long..._

« Alright... » she paused, trying to find where to start « My village has been destroyed by humans because they refused to participate in a war. My brother and I were saved by Kodo but he never was my father... He kept me because I was more valuable and sent my brother to the Nagumo clan. This way, we had more chances to survive... »

« Yukimura Kodo isn't your father ? » I asked, surprised.

« No... My parents are both dead. Kodo kept me in Edo, waiting for me to get an appropriate age to marry and he was supposed to offer me to Kazama. We had been promised to one another since we were kids. Apparently, I met him before, a long time ago, but I can't recall. »

That made sense. Daimyo usually arranged marriages a long time before the actual wedding and Chizuru and Kazama were prince and princess.

« So I'm the bad guy then, for snatching you away. » I simply said.

« I guess you can see it that way » she chuckled « but I don't think I resisted that much... If I recall, I've been rather insistent. »

« Have you ? » I smiled « I never noticed. »

She chuckled some more and my smile grew wider. She was here, full of joy and life, and I loved her more than ever.

« So, where was I before you rudely interrupted me... » she said playfully.

« I think that's the first time I hear someone complain that I speak too much. » I smirked « but you were speaking about your arranged marriage. »

« Yeah, well, so... Kodo wasn't my father. My parents were Yukimura Ginko and Amagiri Fujitaka. »

« Amagiri ? » I repeated with surprise.

« Yeah. Amagiri Kyuju's half-brother, a pure blood demon. Amagiri were part of the Yukimura clan before but Kyuju wasn't there when the village was destroyed because he was sent in the west as tutor for Kazama Chikage who also lost his father at that time. He stayed with Kazama ever since. »

I nodded. That's why the demon was on Chizuru's side despite the fact that he was allied with Kazama. He was Chizuru's uncle.

« Amagiri's presence protected me. Although he's not pure-blood and is lower ranked than Kazama, the latter has a lot of respect for him. Kazama was often annoyed that Amagiri was always there but he stayed anyway. I think if he wasn't there, maybe Kazama would have forced himself on me. »

« I will have to thank him. » I nodded.

She stayed silent, listening to the sound of the forest awaking. We had walked for hours and were now closer to Edo. Hakone was far behind us. We only needed less than a day to reach the Shinsengumi and put Chizuru to safety.

« Do you wish to rest ? » I asked her.

« I'm fine. » she shook her head « Do you need to ? With the sun coming up, you must be tired. »

I saw that Koan and Haruhi both heard my question and I sighed, divining their shared wish. It was less risky anyway now, we could take a moment to sleep or eat something.

« Let's rest a few hours. » I said, putting my bag on the ground.

We all round up and I made a fire which Koan hid. It was more for warmth than for light with the sun up. Haruhi ate a bit of dried meat that we prepared a few days ago and Chizuru took some too. I laid down on the forest floor, my sandogasa on my face, to take a bit of sleep, and my head moved slightly when Chizuru came to put her lap underneath it. Hidden under my hat, I was smiling from ear to ear.


	25. Peach

I got woken up by a very displeasant sensation on my scalp. Chizuru was painfully pulling my hair.

« What are you doing ? » I asked her with furrowed brows, lifting my hat off my face.

« Oh, sorry ! » she blushed « I didn't want to wake you up ! »

« I don't think anyone can keep sleeping with someone else pulling their hair like this. » I objected.

« Yeah, I didn't realize it was painful... Sorry... I wanted to get rid of the biggest knots and I don't have any comb so I used my fingers... »

« Do as you wish. » I told her, closing my eyes again.

Although she had my permission, she didn't run her fingers through my hair again. In a way, I regretted it. I wanted her to touch me, even painfully. She was magic to me. Her sole presence was easing my heart from all the worries and angst I could have. She was even more effective than meditation. She was my happiness, my calm and my reason to keep on living.

« I've been away for a month and your hair are already back to the big mess they were... » she sighed playfully.

« Maybe you shouldn't have gone away, then. » I answered with a smirk.

« That's not funny. » she frowned « at least, your humour hasn't changed. Still as bad as ever. »

I opened my eyes again and looked at her gorgeous round face above me. If it was a dream, I'd like never to wake up. I brought my hand to her cheek and caressed it with the back of my fingers. My gaze studied avidly her every features, her eyes, her mouth, her cheeks... and stopped at the annoying kamon on her shoulders.

« We really need to get you rid of these. » I frowned, bringing my fingers to the kamon.

« Why are you wearing a peach kamon, Oneechan ? » asked Haruhi, visibly listening to our conversation.

« It's... It's Kazama's. » she replied with embarrassment.

« Sounds strange for a bad guy to have peaches as a kamon... » said Haruhi pensively « doesn't look scary at all ! It should have horns or arrows... »

« Oni and peaches make me think of Momotarô... » I muttered, still frowning.

« It's true » she chuckled « I thought exactly the same thing. »

« What's Momotarô ? » asked Haruhi, puzzled.

I turned my head in her direction and stopped staring at the Kamon to look at her with furrowed brows.

« It's a kid's story. » I answered.

« What does it say ? » she asked, curious.

I stayed silent. Even if I knew that Haruhi was coming from a prostitution house, I had trouble to imagine that she couldn't know that story at all. Every child got to hear that story, from their mother, their wet-nurse or siblings. I always tend to forget that she never had the same childhood than the rest of us. A few months ago, she couldn't even read or write and even now, she was still learning. At nearly ten years old...

« Otousan » said Haruhi « what does it say ?! »

« Otousan ?! » repeated Chizuru, astonished.

I looked up again and met her wide chestnut gaze that grew even wider when she saw the big smile across my face. I think she never witnessed me with a smile that big, even at our wedding.

« Otousan !!! » yelled Haruhi, impatient.

« It's a boy born in a peach who go to fight Oni and wins. » I answered.

Haruhi seemed to think for a moment and sighed.

« It's not a very good story... » she said with deception.

« I think _Otousan _sucks at storytelling. » chuckled Chizuru « that was the shortest version of Momotarô I ever heard ! »

« The key elements were there. » I replied with furrowed brows.

« Yeah but you took away all the magic ! » she stated, still chuckling « and what about the animals ? »

« Which animals ? » asked Haruhi, her interest renewed.

« Okay. So, once upon a time there was an old couple of poor farmers who couldn't get any children... » started Chizuru.

Haruhi was listening carefully to the story, just like I was, rocked by the melody of her words. I closed back my eyes and let her lead me into her fairytale.

« One day, the old woman was cleaning some clothes in the river when she saw a giant peach, big as a... big as this ! » she showed my round sandogasa « she used a big branch and managed to get it on the riverside. It was very heavy but she made it roll to her house, happy to have found something to prepare for her husband. When she opened the peach, the stone inside cracked open and a little boy came out, they called him Momotarô. »

« Babies don't get out of peaches... » protested Haruhi, crossing her arms.

« It was a magic peach » answered Chizuru « and it wasn't a baby but already a little boy. »

« Okay... » she said, not convinced. « So he fought Oni ? »

« Let me get to that part ! » objected Chizuru before addressing me « you ruined all the fun of the story. »

I didn't answer and waited for her to continue the fairytale when I felt a shiver down my spine. I opened my eyes and saw that Koan was also alert, sitting up from his nap.

« So, Momotarô was very strong, a lot more than normal people. One day... »

« Shhh. » I ordered, sitting up from my resting position.

I positioned my hand on the pommel on my sword and listened to the sounds around me.

« What's happening, Hajime ? » asked Chizuru and I put my finger on her mouth to ask her to stay silent.

The girls also prepared themselves, hands on the pommel of their kodachi and wakizashi. The forest around us was silent. Well, not that silent, just an usual forest. Still, I could sense a presence, something, someone, was approaching. From afar, I heard the sound of the hooves of a horse on the forest floor. It was coming our way and was coming from the direction we followed. There was a huge probability that it was on our tracks. The path we took after Hakone wasn't as steep as the one we followed before. A horse could be following us without difficulty.

« Haruhi » I ordered « the fire. »

She did as I said and we all tensed in anticipation, listening to the hooves getting closer. The horse wasn't galloping, it was only walking calmly.

« Don't worry, Saito-san. » said Koan « I hid the three of you. If someone comes, he will only see an old man. Please stay still, otherwise, I will have trouble to keep you hidden. »

I nodded and waited, ready. When I could finally see who our guest was, my blood started boiling but I kept my position. Kazama got down his horse calmly and attached it to a nearby tree before turning to Koan.

« Greetings, old man. » he said in a deep smug voice « Something has been stolen from me last night. Do you have any information about it ? »

Hearing his voice made my anger grow bigger but I didn't move, respecting Koan's orders. If I tried to kill him now, I could put Haruhi and Chizuru in danger. Kazama couldn't see them for the moment and it was better to keep it that way.

« I'm just a traveller. » replied Koan, bowing in respect. « I'm afraid I can't help you, my lord. »

« What a pity » said Kazama with a grin « then I suppose this doesn't belong to you, Yasha Koan. »

He threw something furry on the ground. A ginger tail with nothing attached to it.

« I don't really appreciate to be underestimated and played with, Yasha-san. » continued Kazama.

Koan kneeled and picked up the ginger tail, running his fingers in the thick soft fur, his face expressing nothing but grief and mourning.

« You killed her ? » he whispered.

« I first cut her tail off then I played with her for a bit. » he replied casually, savoring the pain on Koan's face « and I waited for her to beg before ending her sufferings. I've been merciful, I gave her what she wanted as soon as she fell low enough to ask for it. A quick death. »

Koan's body was trembling and I could see the tears rolling down his cheeks as he was clenching to the ginger tail.

« She called your name a few times, you know. » grinned the Oni « trapped in her human form with no more powers. It was even more enjoyable for me. I wouldn't have had that much entertainment hurting a fox. »

Koan let out a long sound of grievance and transformed into his fox form, even bigger than Kazama's horse. The wind started howling, swirling around us. Kazama took his sword out and it shattered into pieces instantly, leaving him with only the hilt in hand. The ground cracked open between Koan and Kazama, leaving a bottomless abyss.

The enormous fox was panting, from anger or exhaustion, I couldn't tell. He was in a fighting stance, intimidating, ready to rip Kazama into pieces.


	26. Fox

Kazama looked at his pommel without blade, unfazed, and then at the giant furious beast in front of him.

« Am I supposed to be afraid ? » he asked in his arrogant voice, his face expressing nothing but boredom.

« You'd be stupid not to be. » answered Koan harshly.

The enormous fox's fur was swelling in warning behind the precipice, his flews rolled up, showing his powerful fangs. His ears were flat on his head and his eight tails high like the feathers of a peacock.

« Yasha-san. » I asked « allow me to help. »

The fox didn't turn into my direction nor acknowledged what I said, keeping his focus on Kazama. The demon took a step forward towards the abyss and a wall appeared in front of him, stopping its movement. He put his palm on the wall, thinking.

« Impressive. » he said even if nothing in his voice gave a hint that he was indeed finding it impressive « I know it's nothing more than a fox's trick and yet, I can feel the wall under my fingertips. »

« Turn away, Kazama-oujisama. » warned Koan « I do not have the permission to hurt you but I will if you try to hurt me first. »

« You'd let me turn away ? » asked Kazama with a grin « after I killed your daughter ? »

« I'll have others. » replied the fox.

« No you won't. » grinned the demon « except if you give me back my property. She's there, isn't she ? » he asked, looking around « You're hiding her but she's there... Just like my sword is still there as well. I'm not fooled, old man. »

« Yasha-san. » I asked again.

Arrows fled out of nowhere and pierced Kazama in multiple places, making him grunt in pain and fall to his knees, eyes wide. His gaze got down to the arrows and he put his fingers on one.

« It's not there... I'm not hurt... Still, I'm in pain... » he muttered more than himself than for the fox. He turned his gaze forward, towards Koan, and laughed « It's not there ! There's not even point in taking them off ! I can stand up, because it's not there. I can pass your wall, because it's not there. I can cross your gap, because it's not there and I can slit your throat with my sword because it IS THERE. »

He ran forward in his demon form and did exactly as he said, he ran through the wall, the arrows still planted in him and stepped on the air of the gap, his pommel in hand and a mischievous grin on his face. His invisible blade entered the flesh of the fox but not in the throat, deflected by my own katana. Koan backed off in pain, his mouth and cheek opened and bloody. He fell, prostrating himself in his suffering. The arrows in Kazama's body vanished, like the gap and the wall, and his blade was visible again against mine.

« You ? » whispered Kazama in surprise.

I didn't answer and counterattacked immediately, using the element of surprise to get the upper hand. Kazama defended himself with chaotic movements until he regained his composure. His movements became more precise, more rapid, more powerful and less predictable. Fighting in my human form, I couldn't keep the upper hand long, and I felt his katana slid across my cheek as I retreated to evade a blow on my throat.

« Hajime ! »

« Otousan ! »

Gauging each other, Kazama and I weren't moving.

« You're worse than a cockroach. » he said in his deep arrogant voice « I kill you and you keep coming back for more. »

I stayed silent and kept a defensive stance, focused. Nothing in my posture or gaze could show the intense hatred and desire to kill inhabiting me. I would kill Kazama to get revenge for everything he did. To me, to Chizuru, to Mika, to Koan... Even to Souji, back at Ikedaya. Prince or not, he was going to die.

« I'm happy though » continued Kazama « last time you were so weak that I could have died of boredom. I'll be glad to show you that being healthy wouldn't change anything to the outcome of our duel. Your humiliation would only be greater. »

He leaped forward in his demon form. With my human eyes, I had trouble following but I didn't want to turn into a Rasetsu now. I wasn't injured, I didn't need the healing power and I'd rather keep my Rasetsu form as element of surprise if I got in difficulty.

The sound of the blades hitting each other was soon the only sound in the forest. From Chizuru and Haruhi's point of view, I supposed it looked like we were on the same level but I could sense the truth. Kazama was way more powerful than I was. I would have to turn into a Rasetsu to have the speed and strength necessary to beat him.

I saw Koan in the corner of my eye trying to stand up and in a blink, Kazama was gone. I prepared myself to recieve a blow but instead, I heard a high pitch gasp. I turned to the side to see Kazama's blade dug into Koan's throat. The fox collasped. He shrinked. Where the majestic beast once stood, a small silver fox was lying dead. Kazama pulled his sword out and wiped it in the fur.

« You've lived enough » he said to the corpse « I couldn't allow you to interfere. »

« Koan ! » cried Haruhi.

She ran to the dead fox and looked at it before turning to Kazama with hatred, the hand on the hilt of her wakizashi.

« Oh ? » he grinned « you are going to unsheathe ? Come on, baby girl. Do it. Show me the warrior you are. »

« Kazama. » I called « I am your opponent. »

The Oni turned his back on Haruhi, showing her his defenseless flank and I saw her hesitate to strike. Kazama was waiting for it, I could see it. He would kill her as soon as her blade would be out of her scabbard.

« Haruhi. » I called « rules. »

She was still looking at Kazama but I saw her hand get away from the pommel of her sword and with a nod, I asked her to go back to the side, with Chizuru. She complied and Kazama's gaze followed her with a wide sadistic grin.

« Too bad... » he commented as she passed near him « I thought the baby girl was deserving her sword, that she had the honor of a samurai... I guess it's just a toy then. »

_Do not answer the provocation, Haruhi !_

She put her hand back on the pommel and unsheathed her wakizashi, aiming for Kazama's inner thigh but of course, he was faster than her. His blade swung at Haruhi's neck and I blocked it, putting a big kick in the girl's stomach at the same time to make her get out of Kazama's range. My long white hair were flowing freely around my face as I unleashed the Rasetsu in me.


	27. Fake

« You became a fake » said Kazama with contempt « Don't you have any pride ? Don't you have any honor ? »

His voice sounded disappointed as if he had a kind of esteem for me before that had completely vanished now that my eyes were red and my hair white.

« I don't expect you to understand my sense of honor. » I replied calmly.

A quick look at Haruhi informed me that Chizuru was already kneeling next to her to have a look at her chest. I hoped I didn't hurt her too bad... It was the first time I was actually fighting as a Rasetsu and I wasn't expecting to have that much more speed or strength.

« You were an insect before, you're nothing more than an abomination now. » said Kazama with disdain « I'm not going to kill a warrior, I'm going to put down a mad dog. »

_You can try._

I leaped forward with tremendous speed and Kazama clearly wasn't expecting me to be that rapid. The swords hit each other, each blow more powerful than the one before. The velocity of our movement was increasing to the point that a normal eye couldn't follow. I was feeling more powerful than I ever was. My strength was inhuman, maybe even above the demon's. I could win thanks to my Rasetsu form. There was a kind of exhilaration, a kind of intoxication in it. So much power...

Yet, Kazama was dodging all my attacks and counterattacking efficiently, fast as a bullet from a gun. He blocked my strikes calmly, our blades rattling against one another. In the blink of an eye, he leapt forward and whipped his sword in a quick slash, aiming at my right shoulder. The blood splattered and I grunted but didn't back off.

_I'll heal... I just have to cope with it a few minutes..._

Katana high above my head, I kept attacking my opponent, the hatred guiding me. I was not totally one hundred percent efficient, the sun still up burning me, but the hatred was helping me ignore the pain. If I were to fail now, today, Kazama would kill me, kill Haruhi, take Chizuru and force her into a marriage she would suffer her entire life. Not on my watch.

He aimed at my shoulder again and I leapt backward but not fast enough. His blow entered my flesh at the same spot his previous one did, cutting deeper. I wasn't healing.

_Why am I not healing ?! I am a Rasetsu ! _

Taking advantage of my moment of surprise, Kazama striked again and traced a red line across my chest, blood erupting and splattering on the floor.

_I'm not healing..._

« You noticed it now, didn't you ? » asked Kazama with a cruel, arrogant grin spread across his face « your helplessness, your inability to heal. »

« How ? » I grunted in pain.

Was it because of the sun ? I never saw Rasetsu fight in daylight, maybe that was the cause... I should have been more careful instead of relying on my healing abilities. Kazama smirked, figuring his victory was a foregone conclusion.

« My sword is Doujigiri Yasutsuna. » he explained, caressing the bloodstained metal « No demon, no oni, no yokai can heal from it. »

_Shit... _

If this was the truth then the battle was one that I probably couldn't win. Kazama would close his wounds, if I could make him bleed, and I wouldn't, getting weaker and weaker with each of his successful strikes.

« Chizuru » I ordered « take Haruhi and go »

« You don't move, Yukimura » commanded Kazama, not smiling anymore « I'm tired of running after you all the time. You take one step and I cut his head off. I'll salt it and allow you to keep it if you like it that much. »

« Hajime » she said, ignoring Kazama « Haruhi will have trouble fleeing. She has three cracked ribs. »

_I kicked too hard when I got her out of the way... _

I nodded and took back an agressive fighting stance. Now wasn't the time for defense anymore. I had to end it the fastest way I could and stop giving away openings to him. When I was human, I never allowed an enemy to cut that deep in my flesh. Rasetsu me was less cautious, more driven by hatred and relying on its healing abilities. I just had to calm myself, focus and fight like an human, someone who can die at any moment.

I emptied my head of my hatred, my emotions, my thoughts. One thing mattered, evading Kazama's sword and striking at the right moment.

_Focus. _

I leapt forward and Kazama sensed the change in me. I was more precise, more calculating. I evaded his blows with more ease. His stupid grin quitted his face, replaced by gritting teeth.

« You put your mask back on... Do you really think it can save you ? Save her ? » he goaded.

_Focus._

I ignored him and pushed him back, aiming at any part, vital or not, that was left unattended. For the first time, Kazama bled. His blood scent like Chizuru's, Sen or Kaoru... A refined delicacy that I was craving to taste. But now wasn't the time to let my bloodlust take control over me.

« This is useless ! » he laughed « my wounds are closing faster than you can land your katana ! »

_Focus._

« You're just going to exhaust yourself. » he kept laughing « You'll turn to beast, not able to resist the stench of blood. And then, you'll make mistakes and I'll kill you. The outcome has already been decided. »

_Focus._

My katana was landing mercilessly on Kazama's limbs but not enough to make real damages. I needed to cut his head off or go for the heart. Even his stomach could heal faster than I could truly injure it.

« I'm going to kill you and then, I'll kill the child, slowly. She will get a replica of every cut you dared make on my body. And your head on a pike will watch her with lifeless eyes as she will call your name and implore you to save her. »

The hatred came back like a wild horse and I swallowed it with difficulty. He was provoking me to make me fail. I wouldn't fail. I was the captain of the third division of the Shinsengumi. A warrior. A samurai. Words didn't have any effect of me, they slided, like water on a rock. My mask stayed in place, impassive, as I put even more violence in my blows, keeping all my precision intact.

_Now !_

An opening, too good to be true. I took a quick step back to evade Kazama's blade and with both hands on the pommel of my katana, I dug my sword into the demon's rib cage, so deep that only the hilt was visible. I missed the heart but Kazama's lung was pierced from part to part and his eyes widened as he started coughing blood over my shoulder. Our chests were thrown against one another and the scent of his blood was maddening.

« Ho...How... » I heard him whisper near my ear just before he fell on his knees.

I let go of my katana and he looked at it burried in his chest with desperation, coming to the harsh conclusion that he lost. Slowly, I unsheathed my wakizashi and he lifted his gaze on me, still coughing blood.

« You're nothing but a fake... » he said with gritted teeth.

« And I beat a pure blood Oni. Remember that, Kazama Chikage and bring your shame with you, in hell. » I answered in my toneless voice, lifting my wakizashi above my head as I positioned myself behind him for his execution.

« Hajime ! » called Chizuru « please don't kill him ! He has an entiere clan to look after... Let's make him prisonner and give him back to Amagiri... He will make sure he won't hurt us anymore... »

I looked at my wife. How could she protect him with everything he did to us ? She always had a heart too big for her, having mercy and caring for friends or foes alike. Maybe that was the reason why she was a so talented doctor. I always loved her compassion, her heart and her candor and I would have offered her the world if she asked me to, but today, I couldn't bring myself to give her what she wanted. There had been way too much suffering.

« I'm sorry, Chizuru. » I told her before turning my gaze back to Kazama, my wakizashi still high above his head « Kazama Chikage, for abducting Saito Chizuru, my wife, keeping her captive and getting in the way of the Shinsengumi, I, Saito Hajime, captain of the third division of the Shinsengumi, sentence you to die. »

« Go to hell ! » he yelled, blood dripping from his mouth, panting.

I landed my wakizashi on his neck in a clean, deep cut. His head rolled on the forest floor. Kazama Chikage, last pure blood Oni of the west, was gone.


	28. Blade

Chizuru didn't say anything. I think she knew already, even if she had to try, that I wouldn't have listened to her. She wasn't looking at me with contempt or anger, just a hint of inexplicable sadness in an ocean of love and relief. I took my katana back out of the headless body and wiped both my blades into the silk of Kazama's haori before sheathing them back. I took a moment to look at the corpse of my enemy. I was returning to serenity and I could nearly feel my hair getting back to their natural color. Never before murdering someone in cold blood had brought me that much satisfaction. I was avenged, Chizuru was avenged and all the others Kazama hurt in the past. I kneeled and opened his clenched fingers, taking the blade off his hand.

« You're really going to take his sword away from him ? » asked Chizuru.

« I'm not. » I answered « You are. »

« What ?! » she yelled in horror.

I took away the scabbard out of Kazama's obi and sheathed the sword, handing it to Chizuru.

« I'm not taking it. » she said firmly.

« Chizuru, that blade has the power to stop a Rasetsu. You need it. »

« Against you ? » she asked with defiance.

« Maybe one day. » I nodded « No Rasetsu or Ghoul or whatever you want to call them can evade the madness forever. You told me that. »

She made no move to take it and just stared in my eyes, trying to figure out the extent of my resolve.

« You can't take a warrior's blade away from him. That is... You can't. »

« I know. » I nodded « but he is no warrior. He's a monster. »

« So am I. » she said coldly.

« Chizuru. » I sighed « you perfectly know that's not what I meant. »

« But you said it. » she continued with the same cold.

« You have nothing in common with Kazama. » I stated.

She stayed silent and didn't make any moves but her gaze softened and wandered on my face and body.

« Let me see your injuries. » she asked.

« Take it first. »

« You are one stubborn man, Saito Hajime » she sighed, taking the katana « but don't expect me to murder my husband. Even if his stubbornness makes me want to kill him sometimes. »

« Not yet, please » I smirked « but if it's necessary, I know you'll be strong enough to do the right thing. »

« Let me see your wounds before you start spurting out more nonsense. » she said, putting the katana in her obi next to her kodachi.

« I need to see Haruhi. » I objected.

« Alright, you wouldn't listen anyway. » she nodded « you go near her and open your kimono, that way I can look and you can talk to her at the same time. »

« Seems a reasonable compromise. » I agreed, knowing that that was the best I could obtain anyway. She could talk all she want about my stubbornness but hers was even worse than mine.

I walked to my daughter and kneeled in front of her. She was panting heavily, her rib cage lifting itself at a frenetic pace.

« Otousan, I'm sorry... I shouldn't have... » She panted, crying.

« Indeed. » I replied in my toneless voice « Rules are made for a reason, Haruhi. »

« I know... » she cried « but... But Koan... and Mika too... And he was just laughing... »

« If you let people get to you that way, then in no way you can ever win. » I told her calmly « The second you let their words pierce your heart, their blade will undoubtedly follow. »

« I thought you were supposed to open your kimono. » said Chizuru with her fists on her hips.

I complied without any protestations, letting her clean the deep wound on my shoulder and the one, less severe, across my chest.

« Am I gonna be punished ? » sobbed Haruhi.

« I think cracking three of your ribs is enough of a punishment already. » I muttered, turning to Chizuru « She won't be able to walk, right ? »

« She can walk but it'll be difficult. » she said, opening her bag to take a needle and thread. « At least they're only cracked and not completely broken. It'll take time to heal but there won't be any permanent damage. »

« Can she ride ? » I asked again, glancing at Kazama's horse, and I gritted my teeth when the needle pierced my flesh just above my nipple. « Will that leave a scar ? »

« I don't think it will on your chest, not a big one at least but you'll still have a mark. Cheek, no chance but the shoulder one will definitely leave a scar and you'll have to be more careful when using that right arm of yours. A part of that injury will never truly heal. » she replied, all to her task of sewing me back « and for Haruhi, it'll be still very painful but I don't think we have another choice. With a tight bandage to limit her movements, she should be okay. »

« I can carry her. Just tell me what the best option is. »

« Then I think carrying her is the best option. » she glanced at Haruhi « It'll be the least bumpy. »

I nodded and turned my head to my daughter, still sobbing and panting.

« It's alright, Otousan. » she nodded vigorously « I've had worse. I can walk. »

« I never meant to hurt you. » I eventually said.

« I know. » she smiled.

« Good. » I nodded.

There was so much more I wanted to tell her, to tell the both of them but for the moment, I was just feeling extremely tired from fighting in the daylight and from my non-healing injuries. The adrenaline was getting down, making me acknowledge everything that was not going well inside my body.

Chizuru finished closing my wound and did the same on my shoulder with both sewing and a bandage. She then attended Haruhi and did a tight bandage across her chest. She helped her sat up and Haruhi's breath steadied after a few seconds.

« Lying down will be the most painful for a while. It will heal slowly, maybe up to three weeks. You'll have to be brave. »

« I will. » she nodded.

I stood up, ignoring my tiredness and my pain, and packed everything up. I attached the bags to Kazama's horse saddle and went to the little silver fox still laying on the ground. I had nothing to burry him with and nothing to cut enough wood for a brazier. I took one of our covers to put over him, regretting not to be able to do more.

« Thank you, old man. » I told the fox in a whisper « Chizuru, get on the horse. »

She obeyed and I lifted Haruhi in my arms. We began walking again, leaving both Kazama and Koan behind us. A few hours later, we were back on the Tokaido road and could see the lights of Edo in the distance. Seeing it again after all this time warmed my heart and I'm sure Chizuru felt the same thing. We were home and in a few hours, we would be back where we both belonged : in the Shinsengumi.

**Author note : Kazama's blade in history. That note was supposed to be in the last chapter but I really thought it was cutting the action so I removed it and put it there. **

**Doujigiri Yasutsuna is a blade that do exist. Forged into the Heian period (10th-12h century), there was a legend that Minamoto Yorimitsu used this blade to kill Shuten Douji, a famous Oni living on mont Ōe and that's where the blade earned its name of Doujigiri « demonslayer ». This blade had a lot of famous owners (Hideyoshi Toyotomi, Tokugawa Ieyasu and Tokugawa Hidetada for example) It is currently a national tresor and is kept in the japanese sword museum in Shinjuku, Tokyo (if I'm not mistaken).**

**It is said in Hakuouki that Kazama has this blade but I think it's only in the Hijikata route. I was surprised at first but why not ! I think a blade from which demons can't heal isn't a bad idea ! **


	29. Edo

Our return to the Shinsengumi felt like an agreeable return to reality. No Oni, no kitsune, no magical blade... Just warriors and politics, as it should be. I asked Chizuru to keep the secret that I became a Rasetsu. I didn't want to be forced to join Sannan's Corp, I could still be as useful as I was as a human. She agreed grudgingly but warned me that she'd keep a close eye on my person and that I'd better not play tough. Me, play tough. I never played tough, I just always did what had to be done, couldn't she see the difference ? It wasn't a matter of pride but a matter of duty.

Our comrades greeted us with smiles, relief and open arms. Sometimes literally. Nagakura was so happy so see us back that he lifted us both in the air as if we didn't weight more than children and squeezed us to death, Chizuru protesting that I was hurt and that he shouldn't squeeze me that way. I warned him that if he tried to do this to Haruhi with her cracked ribs, I'd put my sword through him.

The kid was still suffering from her injuries but she was enchanted to see Harada and Nagakura again. The rest of the captains too of course but it wasn't the same. These two monkeys were real friends to her, just like Souji was. Speaking of which, they informed us that Kondou-san and Souji weren't in Edo yet but they were soon onboard the ship that was already in Osaka. It was a matter of days before their arrival.

As soon as I arrived, I asked to report to Hijikata-san but he wasn't there yet. Nagakura informed us that he was out most of the time, having meetings with Bakufu officials and daimyo aligned with the shogunate to organize the defense against the SatCho. Apparently these meetings were putting Hijikata-san in rage. Most of the people attending these were already trying to secure their power under the imperial restoration instead of finding a way to repell the enemies. They were all ready to negociate with the SatCho and abandon lord Yoshinobu. That wasn't a really good omen for our cause.

Since they recieved a letter from Kondou-san, they were aware of our arrival and prepared a room for us. I was glad they did, I really needed to rest after all this time in the sun and my battle with Kazama. I went to put our luggages inside it, helped by Chizuru. Haruhi stayed with Nagakura and Harada to play or talk or whatever, I didn't really listened. She was very excited to show them her wakizashi and Harada told her she'd have to fight against Nagakura to see if she's worthy. Two against one.

In the room, I unfolded the futon and laid on it immediately, limit collapsing. These past weeks had been exhausting, physically and mentally. Chizuru undressed herself and took away all her hairpins before she came under the covers, trying to snuggle against me with her little clenched fists on my chest and her breath in my neck. I passed my arms around her, nesting one in her curve and the other in her hair. I kissed her forehead like I did so many times before, her presence easing my mind. With her that close and so undressed, I was torn between my necessity to sleep and a growing desire to make love to her. The hand that was on the small of her back travelled a bit lower to cup her ass and she escaped a small « hum. ». I opened my eyes to look at hers, hoping to find the same lust I was feeling reflecting in her gaze, but I found her eyes closed and her mouth agap, already sleeping. I escaped a small laugh and held her tightly, nesting my nose in her hair to fill myself with her scent of spices, so heady that it was stronger than the smell of her blood flowing in her veins. Slowly, I was falling asleep as well, my mind nothing but tiredness and calm, like the surface of a lake with a bit of wind, making small waves of serenity. Having her in my arms was the best feeling in the world. It was liberating.

I don't know how long I slept before I got woken up by a voice behind the closed shoji.

« Otousan. » called Haruhi « can I come in ? »

« Ha. » I answered, sitting up and letting go on Chizuru.

The shoji slid and my daughter entered the room, bowing in respect.

« Hijikata-san is here. I thought you'd like to see him right away. » she said.

« Thank you, Haruhi. » I nodded, taking off my torn and bloodstained brown kimono.

I kept it for sleeping, too exhaust to undress myself like Chizuru did. A quick look in her direction showed me she was still deeply asleep.

« Harada said there are spare clothes for you in the right cupboard. » said Haruhi « I leave you to it. »

She exited the room, polite and I opened the cupboard to find a spare simple black kimono with bamboo leaves kamon. I put it on and tied my green obi on it since there didn't seem to be a spare one. I took my sword without waking Chizuru and exited the room to find Haruhi waiting.

« I'll guide you. » she said with a smile.

I nodded and we started walking together. I could see how each step she was taking was making her suffer and how she was trying so hard to hide it.

« I'm sorry I cracked your ribs. » I said eventually.

« It's okay. » she nodded vigorously « if you hadn't, I would have been dead. »

_True. But I cannot help but feel guilty for hurting you. _

We stopped at a closed shoji and she informed me that was Hijikata-san's office. I thanked her and announced myself before entering. The vice-commander was head deep in paperwork, his brows frowned as usual under the pressure.

« Ah, Saito. » he said, lifting his gaze from his brush a second « Thank you for coming. »

« Ha, Fukuchô. » I bowed « I came to make my report. »

« I had all the informations via a letter from Kondou-san, thank you. » he nodded « but I would be glad to have your version. You scared the shit out of us, not coming back from Ryu'un temple. »

I explained him everything, the cannon at Ryu'un temple, the magistrate's office in flames, my battle with Kazama, the abduction of Chizuru, my trip and the execution of the demon. I knowingly didn't tell him about the Ochimizu. It wasn't really a lie but I wanted to serve and that could make him reconsider.

« I see. » he nodded « well as you maybe know, our situation didn't really improved since Toba-Fushimi. A lot of daimyo are having cold feet at the idea of fighting the SatCho and their modern weapons, especially with lord Yoshinobu fleeing Osaka like a fucking coward. He lost a lot of faith from his followers and I'm knee deep into letters and paperwork to organize the defense. »

« Let me help with the paperwork, Fukuchô. » I asked « This way, you'll have more time to focus on the meetings. I can organize the paper by importance and will request your signature on the significant ones. »

« You are really taking a thorn off my side » he sighed with a small smile « There is no one else I could trust with all these issues. It's good to have you back. »

« It's an honor to serve you, Fukuchô. » I bowed with respect.

« How's Yukim... Pardon me, bad habits. How's Saito-sensei ? Can she take back her position ? »

« I cannot speak for her, Fukuchô, but I believe she is in perfectly good condition. I have no doubt she'll be impatient to be the Shinsengumi medical officer again. »

« Good. » he nodded « I need to see her as soon as possible and she also need to attend to the Rasetsu. We seem to have a discipline problem. »

« A discipline problem ? » I repeated in my toneless voice.

« According to Sannan, the medecine he developed with Saito-sensei is running out and he can't make more without her. We don't have any bloodlust incident for the moment but it's a matter of time. »

« Understood. » I said calmly, not showing him how difficult it was for me to know Chizuru would have to pour her blood again for hungry beasts.

« Good. » he said « then if your offer stands and if you have a few minutes, maybe I could catch you up on the mail and the paperwork. »

« Ha. » I agreed.

I sat at his desk and he explained everything to me. It was a monumental amount of work but I was glad for it. Keeping me busy was the best way to ignore the tiredness, the pain of the daylight and the bloodlust. I got caught up with everything and got to work immediately, taking back the least important to my room and leaving to the vice-commander the most important ones.


	30. Memories

I let down all the paperwork on the desk in the small room and ran my fingers through it, skimming through the letters and repports. The glimpse I had was showing me that most of it wasn't really pleasant news.

On the futon, Chizuru was waking up with a moan and I came closer to pull her to my arms as soon as she sat up, putting back her kimono on her shoulders.

« Good morning ? » she seemed to ask, not sure how long she slept.

« You only slept a couple hours, the evening is still to come. »

« Oh, okay. » she said, closing her arms around me.

Now that Kazama was gone and that Chizuru was back in the Shinsengumi, I was relieved. Nothing could happen to her now. I was there and all the other captains too. There still was the danger that me or another Rasetsu tried to harm her but I had trust in the captains to take care of the problem before she really could be in danger. This was the safest place I knew, even more now that there was no more sadistic Oni prince trying to abduct her every year.

I caressed her cheek with the back of my fingers and kissed her lovingly. I was feeling like I was falling in love all over again with her, out of relief that she was safe, my anguish quitting me. My mouth worked on her with a slow motion, trying to swallow each of her breaths. My hands moved to her free hair and I combed my fingers inside it, pulling the back of her head closer to me. I felt her melt in my embrace and I released her mouth to have a look at her swell lips and blushing face. My eyes stopped at the annoying peach kamon on her shoulders and I frowned.

« This needs to go. » I stated as I pulled on the kimono.

She chuckled and wrapped her arms around my neck with a teasing smile.

« You're cute when you're jealous. » she said with a smirk.

« I have every reason to be. » I said calmly even if a storm of emotions was swirling inside me « the man abducted you and put his brand on you as if you were his. »

_And you are mine. You will always be mine. I'll make sure of it._

I ignored the sentence in my head. I knew the Rasetsu in me was speaking in that instant, making my emotions bigger than they should be, even the bad ones like jealousy and possessiveness. I'll have to do a bit of meditation before attacking the paperwork to not be disturbed by these kind of thoughts.

« There are spare kimonos in the cupboard if you want something more appropriate. » I told her.

« Oh ? » she said, surprised and maybe a little disappointed « so you intend me to dress ? »

I nodded. I couldn't do anything too... intense... with her before meditating first. I couldn't take the risk to have the Rasetsu in me take control of my unleashed emotions. I didn't know if it could be dangerous for Chizuru, maybe it was, maybe it wasn't... When I had sex with Mika, a few days ago, I didn't try to hurt her in any way but I was bewitched and restrained, unable to move. Maybe it could have played a role in it, maybe not. Yet, I was sure that it was more cautious to meditate first.

« What's the matter, Hajime ? » she asked, caressing my cheek.

« Nothing » I lied « I think Hijikata-san would like to see you as soon as possible. You should go. »

« Okay, I understand. » she smiled teasingly « duty above anything else, as suitable coming from Saito Hajime. »

« Indeed. » I nooded before authorizing myself to kiss her again.

I wanted to keep her in my arms forever, fill myself with her warmth and her scent, hear nothing but her voice, taste nothing but her lips. I parted from the kiss and nested my head in her neck.

« I missed you so much... » I whispered so low that I thought she couldn't hear it but the arms clenching to my kimono reacted, clenching even more.

I detached myself from her and went to the cupboard before my reason could leave me, and took a simple plain yellow kimono out.

« This is better. » I told her as I handed her the attire « Hijikata-san isn't a very patient man, you should know by now. »

« Oh, I know » she chuckled « I've known him for four years now. I think I was even more afraid of him than I was of you when I arrived. »

« You were afraid of me ? » I asked, curious.

I never sensed her fear me, even when she was a fifteen years old girl trapped in a house of wolves. Could it be that I had been mistaken ?

« Not really afraid » she confessed « I was very curious about you. You defeated me so easily, remember ? »

Of course I remembered. I couldn't ever forget her face filled with resolve when she wanted to show me she was capable enough to accompany us outside. And I couldn't ever forget the way she looked at me with my blade on her throat, her gaze showing nothing but respect.

« But I did praise you. » I objected.

« You were just being nice. » she chuckled « and you praised my teacher, not me. »

« Did I ? Maybe... » I muttered, putting the yellow kimono on her shoulders.

« Yes you did ! You said something like "you had a good teacher, Yukimura. I'll report this to Hijikata-san" »

« That does sounds like something I could say » I smirked, passing her arms in the sleeves of the kimono.

« I grew curious since then. » she confessed.

« That soon ? » I asked, surprised.

« Not in a romantic way but I wanted to know more about you. You were always so busy, so quiet... And I thought you were avoiding me. You weren't as friendly as the others even if they all reassured me that you were nice, just a shy workaholic. I didn't have many occasions to speak with you and I started treasuring these moments since they were so rare. »

« I was avoiding you. » I told her, feeling my ears becoming red.

« You were ! I knew it ! You told me that you just had a lot of work ! » she slapped the back of my head playfully.

« I lied. » I confessed « At that time, Souji already had noticed my... growing interest towards you and I wanted to calm things down before he started to... well, to be Souji. »

« So that means... We've been loving each other for what ? A year ? Before we finally told each other ? »

« I don't know... » I blushed « I can't remember exactly when I fell for you... Maybe around the incident at Ikedaya... »

« So a year. » she confirmed.

« I guess. » I nodded, getting behind her to tie her obi. « You're ready. »

She turned to me, the yellow of the kimono making her natural beauty glow and I put my hands in her hair to make a bun, and planted Harada's hairpin in it.

« You have it ! » she said with enchantement « I thought I lost it ! »

« I have Sakamoto's one too » I said grudgingly, taking the silver hairpin out of my sleeve and adding it to her hair.

« It's one of my favorites. » she said with a giant smile.

_I know. You're wearing it a lot. I never told you how much I hate that hairpin._

« Why ? » I asked, looking at the bun to be sure that it was symmetrical.

« Because I remember you putting these both in my hair after our first kiss. » she blushed « You must think I'm stupid. »

« No. » I smiled genuinely « I think I'm blessed. »

_Maybe that hairpin isn't that bad in the end._

She tiptoed and deposited a small kiss on my lips curled into a smile before turning around to meet Hijikata-san. My gaze followed her, heart pounding like a teenager. Alone, I sat in seiza to meditate, ready to start reviewing all that paperwork.

**Author note : Today is February 18th and Saito's birthday ! Happy 176th birthday Hajime ! **


	31. Birthday

It took me some time to sift through all the papers on my desk and reply to the letters there were. I stayed in the room for days, not lifting my eyes from my brush, with Chizuru bringing me my meals so I could keep working while eating. I wasn't sleeping much too, forcing myself to stay awake all day and unable to sleep correctly at night. I've been scolded countless times by my too-caring wife who wanted me to work at night only and rest during the day but I couldn't do that. If Hijikata-san needed me urgently or if there was a meeting, I needed to answer his call immediately. I usually got the mail in the morning and I had to review and write back before giving it back to Hijikata-san in the evening for him to sign. He didn't know I was a Rasetsu, I had to do what was expected of me in the daytime. Plus, but that was only a selfish reason, I didn't like the idea of sleeping alone in an empty futon. I would rather take a few hours of rest at night, with Chizuru's gentle steady breath next to me, even if I couldn't rest properly. I've always been a light sleeper anyway so that wasn't a problem for me even if the tiredness was growing strong, along with the pain.

Haruhi was often with me. With her cracked ribs still healing, she couldn't really train or run or play or whatever kids do. She got some books to read now that she was capable of doing it and she was reading a lot. For the moment, she could only read kids books but that was a start. I let her stay with me even if my work was confidential. She couldn't understand a single letter anyway.

« Otousan... How do you read this 顔 kanji ? » she asked me, showing me on her book.

« That's kao, face. » I replied, getting back to work.

« Okay ! » she smiled, getting back to the corner to keep reading.

I knew she was attempting to start a conversation. She was probably very bored but I had no time to care for her. If she wanted to talk, she'd have to find Chizuru or Harada. I didn't have time to babysit, that work was far too important for the sake of all the Shinsengumi.

« The hero in my story is such a moron. » she stated.

« I don't think moron is a suitable word in the mouth of a little girl. » I replied calmly, still scribbing.

« Yeah, well he's stupid. » she said.

Once more, I didn't reply. Frankly, I would prefer Haruhi to go and play somewhere else, but it was her room as much as it was mine and Chizuru's. I couldn't really send them away just because they were there. Chizuru was often coming too, to read or sew or anything else, I wasn't really paying attention. I didn't mind as long as they were letting me work in peace.

« If he hadn't opened that box, he'd still be young. He should have stayed underwater with the princess. The ending is so sad. » she stated again.

_Ah... Urashima Tarô... _

I remembered this story, I used to like it a lot as a kid myself. I frowned.

« It's not that sad. » I said.

« Then I would like to have your definition of sad. Because I think that aging in mere seconds and turning to dust is a pretty sad ending. »

« Let me see. » I said, getting my eyes off my work and extending my hand so she would give me the book.

She stood up and handed it to me. She was right, that was the ending of her version, she read properly.

« The one I know has a different ending. » I said, handing her back the book.

« Is it less sad ? » she asked.

« In a way. He ages just the same but then turns into a crane and flies away to mount Horai to nest. » I explained.

« Your version's better. » she nodded.

« Maybe. » I replied, getting back to the letter I was writing.

We stayed together in silence for a few minutes before she closed her book and stood up again.

« I'm gonna make some tea. » she said and I nodded to acknowledge I heard her.

She went away and I sighed, happy to be alone at last. My skin was burning and my face all sweaty. I think I was spending more time getting the sweat off my face with my sleeve than actually writing. My condition was worsening but I was hiding it efficiently. I didn't need Chizuru's help or pity.

Haruhi came back shortly after with tea and a small cake.

« Chizuru-neechan says happy birthday but she doesn't want to disturb you. » she said.

I looked at the date, February 18th. It was indeed my birthday, I totally forgot, head deep in paperwork.

« She can come if she wishes to. » I replied, looking at the small cake.

It wasn't a castella like the ones I usually offer her for her birthday but a tofu cake made with two round rice cake and a miso-glazed tofu in the middle. I really didn't deserve a wife like her. My temper was short lately and I was often erupting due to the bad news I was receiving everyday and the tiredness and pain I was enduring. And yet, she thought about my birthday and made me a tofu cake.

« Do you want me to fetch her ? » she asked.

« No. » I said, standing up with my tray « I'm going. »

She slid the shoji and we went downstairs to the common room where I found Chizuru drinking tea with Nagakura and Harada, laughing. Her eyes lit when she saw me and I put my tray down to join them.

« Oh look ! A ghost ! » commented Nagakura « Hey ! Wait ! How come he gets a cake ?! » he complained, turning to Chizuru.

« It's his birthday ! » she smiled genuinely.

« It's also my birthday, Chizuru-chan » he smiled from ear to ear « can I get a cake ? »

« Your birthday's in may, you liar. » scolded Chizuru with furrowed brows.

I drank my tea peacefully, keeping my pastry for last. Nagakura kept trying to negociate with Chizuru for minutes but she stayed firm. In the end, she finally agreed to make biscuits for everyone tomorrow. That seemed to calm him down for a time.

« Hey, Saito... Can I have a bite ? » he asked, already approaching his fingers from my cake but I slapped his hand away.

« You touch it, you're dead. » I threatened, sipping my tea with icy eyes.

« Don't angry him, Shinpachi ! » chuckled Harada « you know how the lone wolf is protective of his food. That's not Heisuke. »

« But just a small bite... » he tried again, approaching his hand once more and I took my chopsticks in hand, ready to fight for my cake if I needed to.

« Shinpachi, he's going to poke your eye if you continue ! » laughed Harada.

« Okay, okay... » he sighed, pretending to sob « man, you're so cruel to a poor famished soul like me. »

« You're not famished. » protested Chizuru « you just ate all the biscuits that were left ! »

« That's a detail... » muttered Nagakura and I stood up, taking my tray back to my room.

« Thank you, Chizuru. » I said « Can you keep Haruhi here, please ? I need to finish something important. »

« Okay » she nodded, visibly disappointed that I was leaving so soon.

I walked calmly with my tray until I was out of sight and I started to walk quicker, limit running. I slid the shoji desperately fast and closed it with force. The tray fell down first, my untouched cake on the floor, and I followed, grunting in pain, digging my fingernails around my heart. The bloodlust was there again. I stayed on my knees, panting, grunting, waiting for the pain to go away. I knew that it could go, it went away last time even if I didn't have any medecine.

The sweat on my face was flowing now, dripping on the floor as I was making an intense effort to calm down. At least, I knew that I wasn't going to be disturbed. I couldn't smell anyone close by. I waited, suffering in as much silence as I could until the pain receded, burying itself back in my bones. I used my sleeve to wipe my face and took my ponytail to my eyes. Raven-like. Good. It was over and without any fuss.

I put back my cake on the tray and took it to my desk. I ate it slowly, looking at the town through the window, the sun burning my eyes and skin. After the intense pain that the bloodlust was, it was almost making the one of the sun bearable. The cake was delicious, just as savory as it looked like, and I was so blessed to have Chizuru bringing so much joy in my life.

Watching the sunny day outside while eating my tofu cake, I felt melancholic. I was 24 today but was there really a point in celebrating the birthday of a corpse ?


	32. Paperwork

March 1868

After a few days, a routine began to install and I was glad for it. I was the kind of man to find peace and comfort into repeated gestures, repeated tasks, repeated days... and I needed that constance even more now that the situation of the Shinsengumi was bad and that the neverending swirling of emotions that I was hiding behind my impassive mask had turned into a typhoon under the guidance of my Rasetsu nature.

In our room, Chizuru and I were both working silently, me on the paperwork that Hijikata-san trusted me with and her, sewing by my side. She cleaned the brown and the blue kimono that I had been wearing during the travel and since it had been too damaged for me to wear them again, she was using the fabric to make smaller ones for Haruhi, even if the patterns weren't very feminine. She was all to her task, in a yatarajima patern kimono (stripes of eight different colors and thicknesses running along the entiere length of the kimono) of different shades of blue, green and yellow. The obi was a plain pastel yellow one. These kind of patterns were suiting her much better than her « Kazama princess » kimono. I never really liked ostentatious luxury, considering that personal wealth was the enemy of the warrior's way.

« Do you think I should make long sleeves, like a furisode ? » she asked me, looking at the fabric « it suits a little girl but with these kind of very masculine patterns, I don't know... »

I lifted my gaze off my paperwork and glimpse at her before getting back to my work.

« I think it's better to make her training kimonos and choose something prettier for a furisode. » i said in my toneless voice, scribbling on the paper.

« Yeah, I agree... » she said, taking her black hikizuri Kazama princess kimono out of the cupboard to look at it. « I can use this, I'm never going to wear it again anyway. Even if I tored the bottom, there is still a long portion with the golden pattern, I can make it with paterns on the bottom and the sleeves... Would you mind seeing Haruhi wear this ? »

« I don't care, Chizuru. I'm trying to work. » I replied harshly.

She didn't say anything else and I realized how rude I had been.

« Sorry... » I sighed, extending my hand to carress her cheek « it's just... I'm trying to concentrate, alright ? »

« Yeah, I understand. » she said with a kind smile « I won't disturb you. »

I nodded and plunged my gaze back in the paperwork. When Hijikata-san told me that our situation was bad, it was an euphemism. Our situation was catastrophic. Everyday, I was opening letters from daimyo that were explaining why they wouldn't fight with us and decided to stay neutral. How could anyone decide to stay neutral with this kind of open rebellion ?! France had also called back its soldiers after Toba-Fushimi. Some of them deserted and decided to stay with us to defend the Bakufu. They were foreigners, they weren't japanese, they weren't samurai and yet, they had more honor and loyalty towards the shogunate than daimyos whose positions were given from the shogunate in the first place. That was hard to swallow.

« Ouch ! » said Chizuru, licking her finger.

Blood, I could smell it and my mouth fell agap, my eyes widened, as I saw her suck on the tip of her finger that she pierced with her needle. I passed my tongue on my lips, swallowing my saliva with difficulty.

_Just... Just a taste... To see if she tastes as good as Kaoru... I'm sure it's even better... __Maybe a bit spicy too..._

I shook my head and looked at the letters but I was having trouble focusing. The kanji were dancing before my eyes, merging into each others. Yet, I kept my gaze focused there, even if I couldn't read a single thing.

« Ah, it's closed already. » she said with satisfaction.

« Good. » I replied but my voice was hoarse instead of toneless and she noticed it.

« Are you okay ? » she asked with concern.

« Ha. » I nodded « It's nothing. »

« You're sure ? » she asked « Do you want me to pierce my finger again ? I don't mind, you know. »

_She'd let me taste her... Maybe she'd even like it..._

« I do. » I replied coldly « Please, let me work. »

« Okay... » she said grudgingly, getting back to her sewing.

I couldn't believe Chizuru offered that to me. I was her husband, not a bloodthirsty monster, and I intended it to stay that way. I was starting to feel furious at the idea that she could offer herself that easily. Was she doing the same with Sannan and Toudou ? We worked in silence for a moment and I felt my heartbeat calm down. I was able to read and write again and I focused on the sound of my brush on the paper to find some peace in it, ignoring my growing anger and my pain. Chizuru stood up and stored her half finished work in the nearest cupboard before grabbing some hairpins to arrange her hair.

« Where are you going ? » i asked.

« To Sannan. » she replied « We need to make more medecine for the Rasetsu. I will bring some for you. »

« You're not going. » I objected.

« Why not ? » she asked, surprised « He needs my help. »

_He doesn't need you help. He only needs your blood. You're nothing but a milking cow to him. Letting Sannan drain you like this has never been a part of our deal. Someone else, qualified, has to do it. _

« It's too dangerous. » I explained « Yamazaki can't help you drain the blood anymore and Sannan is getting closer to madness every day. »

_I saw what one single bead on you finger could do to me, and I'm a young Rasetsu. _

« He's counting on me. » she said.

« I don't care. » I said firmly, getting up as well.

Anger was leaking from my voice. Rasetsu me really had more difficulty hiding his emotions but with the frustration, the thirst and the tiredness, it was even worse. I got near Chizuru and took her in my arms to carry her back near my desk.

« Put me down ! » she yelled.

I complied, making her sit and she jumped on her feet.

« Hajime, we already had that discussion. » she said.

« Things have changed. » I simply replied.

« Yes, they have ! » she yelled « and the Rasetsu need me more than ever, especially since now my husband is... »

I put my palm on her mouth to muffle her. We could never know who could be listening behind closed doors. That secret wasn't to be revealed.

« I'm your husband and you owe me obedience. » I said, not believing my own bold words. « And I'm telling you that you are not doing this. »

« I am not your property. » she stated with defiance.

_Maybe I should make you my property... Maybe I should make you understand that you belong to me and me only. _

I ignored that thought, knowing that it was the Rasetsu in me that was speaking. We stared at each other for seconds, each of us trying to make the other surrender. Eventually, I did, out of fear I might loose her.

« Chizuru, My nerves are on edge lately, it's true. » I sighed « but you can't keep doing this to me. You can't always do as you wish and ignore everything I feel. That's not how marriage is supposed to work. I love you with all my heart but please, stop taking paths in which I can't protect you. Have a little mercy. »

Visibly, Rasetsu me wasn't only easier to anger or annoy, it was also more open-hearted. I really didn't know why these thoughts passed the barrier of my lips but she seemed to calm down a little.

« We need a compromise » she said « because I can't let them all suffer because of us. And the Shinsengumi can't afford to have a bloodlust epidemy right now. And we also need a solution for you. Maybe you never experienced the bloodlust yet but I can assure you, it's not pretty... »

I nodded grudgingly and tried to think at the options I could have.

« I agree to the vials » I eventually said « but we will wait for the arrival of Kondou-san and Matsumoto-sensei. He'll have to be the one doing it. »

« They won't be here before at least a week. » she objected.

« The Rasetsu will have to cope with it. » I said firmly.

She thought for a second and put her hand on mine, entangling her fingers.

« Okay, if that makes it easier for you, I'll have it your way. » she nodded.

I escaped a long sigh of relief and leaned over to kiss her, my fingers leaving hers to cup her face. I wanted to trap her there, with me, cage her, keep her safe from any harm.

_Cage her there, trap her... So that she wouldn't escape me. _

Before I had realized, she was pinned to the wall, eyes wide as my mouth was working on hers avidly, her face still trapped between my hands. I licked her lower lip and took the opportunity of a moan to invade her mouth, tasting all the aromas I could find there.

« Saito-sensei. » I heard behind the shoji.

« She's not coming, Sannan. » I growled in anger, staring at Chizuru's wide chestnut eyes.

« Hajime... » she started and I muffled her with my mouth again.

_She's not yours. She's mine. I won't let you use her. _

« Saito-kun, can I have an explanation ? » he asked, his voice sounding annoyed.

« No. » I answered harshly.

I heard his quick footsteps in the corridor. He was probably going to speak about it to Hijikata-san. I didn't care. Yet, his intervention helped me get the control back and I slowly detached my lips from Chizuru, panting with red cheeks.

« I'm... sorry, Chizuru... » I whispered « I don... »

She smiled and silenced me with a passionate kiss, pulling me back against her and I felt a barrier in me crack under the flames of desire.


	33. Sin

**Trigger warning : rape/non-con ! The vision of the events are distorted by Hajime's mind so you might be very uncomfortable reading this because his inner thoughts don't match the reality. You can skip the chapter if this subject is difficult for you. There is no more non-con after. **

I pined her tighter, trapping her between the wall and me.

_Like a prey..._

My hands were still cupping her face, keeping her in place. My lips replied to her passionate kiss, mirroring it. I licked the corner of her mouth and bit on her lips, still swollen from my previous treatment. My tongue avidly seeked entrance and met hers halfway. She tasted her, a taste that I would never get accustomed to, no matter how many times I kissed her.

My hands left her face to pull with strength on the striped kimono, exposing her breasts, and travelled lower than her sash to part the edges of the bottom of her kimono, totally opening it under her still tightly wrapped obi. My fingers carressed her thighs with eagerness before pulling on the ties keeping her underwear in place. Maybe I was a bit too straightforward and impatient but I couldn't bear to not have her all to myself anymore. I needed her right now. My wife, my confident, the love of my life, her.

I parted from her lips and heard her pant. From desire ? From surprise from my boldness ? I didn't know. Here she was, still entirely dressed and yet, completely exposed for me to enjoy the view. And I was enjoying it. She was the most beautiful woman I ever saw and she was my wife.

_Mine._

« Hajime... » she panted « maybe we could move-aaah. »

She didn't have time to finish her sentence. My fingers still inside her kimono had found her sweet nervy spot while I was kissing her neck, all the way to her earlobe. Her hands freed me of my obi and my underwear, and she slid my kimono off my shoulders, carressing my arms and chest, trying to avoid my still healing injuries and I loved to find my desire mirrored in her actions. I could hear her heart pounding in her chest, faster, faster, as her moaning became louder. The blood was flowing in her veins, pumped by her wild heart. I could sense it under my kisses and nips.

_I'd just have to bit harder... Just a little bit more..._

My fingers got more adventurous inside her intimacy and I slid two fingers in her abruptly, curling them, keeping my thumb to work on the outside, transforming her moans into cries of pleasure. I took my fingers out and licked them, savoring her unique taste that I liked so much. Chizuru's eyes grew wide as I was looking at her directly in the eyes, licking every last drop off my fingers, my crimson pupils reflecting in her gaze.

« Hajime... You should... » she tried, eyes like saucers, but she finished her sentence by a surprised scream as I lifted her in the air.

Chizuru's legs were moving madly, as if she didn't know what to do with them not touching the ground anymore. I could sense her fear, of falling probably, but she didn't have to worry because I'd never let her fall. I'd always protect her. I had one palm pressing her rib cage against the wall while my other hand was parting her legs, letting my tongue access her core to suck, lick and drink from this spicy stream that I craved.

_Thank you, new strength..._

She finally found what to do with her hanging legs and rested them on my shoulders, her palms on the top of my head. I smelled blood and found some on her thigh, taking my lips to it before getting back to her.

_Ah, it's mine... She must have opened my shoulder injury... _

« Hajime... stop... » she pleaded.

My tongue flicked with even more eagerness, knowing that she was pleading because she was close to her release. I wanted her to reach that peak, I wanted to feel her legs stiffen around my head, as if she wanted to open it like a cracked nut. She could plea all she wanted, I wouldn't let her go unsatisfied. Her hapiness was far too important to me.

« Hajime, please... » she said, using her hands on my head to try and push me away. She didn't need to be shy, I was her husband, I knew my way around her body. I would always do my best to please her and make her happy.

I slid back my fingers inside her. My tongue visibly wasn't enough to make her orgasm today. I rub on the rough spot inside her, curling my fingers as I kept swallowing her eagerly, like I was dying of thirst. Now that I was thinking about it, I was pretty thirsty... But that stream wasn't enough to quench my need.

_So much blood, flowing inside her thigh... inside her core... Just a simple nip..._

She finally let it out, that nearly silent cry of extasy. It was funny how loud she could be before her release and how silent her orgasm actually was every time. I lifted my gaze but could only see her chin, held high in the air, her face towards the ceiling. I brought her down, to see her golden eyes I love so much. I brought her face in front of mine and thrust inside her. She felt so warm, so tight... I couldn't help but escape a groan, me, normally so silent even during these moments.

« Hajime, come back ! » she said but I silenced her with my mouth.

Why was she asking me to come back ? I wasn't gone. I was loving her, her legs wrapped around my hips as I was thrusting into her, her muscles clenched around me in a tight embrace. My mouth wanted to devore her and I bit her lip, sensing the coppery taste on my tongue. Electrifying. Divine. My thrusts became more insistent and I was getting intense pleasure both from them and from the red liquid I was wiping off her already closing cut.

_It's not enough... I need more..._

I opened her lip again, trying to drink from it, but that stream was too small for me to get anything but frustration. I moved to her neck and bit hard which made her gasp.

« Hajime ! » she called again.

I think I would never get tired of hearing my name out of her lips. It belonged here, just like her name belonged in mines. We were one, especially in that instant. I was pretty sure everyone at the inn could hear her bang against the wall, screaming my name, but I didn't care the slightest. I would deal with consequences later. For the moment, I wanted her.

I looked at her neck, disappointed. There was a big bruise, blue and purple, but no stream of blood. My teeth weren't sharp enough to pierce her skin. My gaze traveled to the hairpin in her hair and I took the silver one out.

_That should do..._

« Please, Hajime... »

I pierced her skin with caution and heard her gasp again. She shouldn't be afraid. I would never hurt her. I just needed this... Surely, she could understand... And she was, crying in pleasure again with a short breath. The blood started dripping on her neckside and I brought my lips to lick it avidly as her cries intensified. That was good, exquisite. I was feeling myself getting over the edge both by my thrusts and her taste. I began sucking, swallowing all I could get. The cut was already healing and I growled in frustration, using my teeth to enlarge the wound, allow me to swallow more. I couldn't get enough of it. Chizuru was so perfect... I loved her so much... I loved all of her... I was so lucky to have her...

I twitched and abandoned myself deep inside her but I couldn't stop drinking in extasy. That was the best sex I ever had in my entire life. I felt Chizuru relax, melt in my arms, still panting heavily. Maybe she came too, a second time. I was feeling a little smug about it, happy to see that I pleased her that much. Her sore legs didn't have the strength to circle me anymore and she let them down slowly.

« Ha...ji... » she whispered in my ear.

Grudgingly, I detached my mouth from her neck to answer her, cuping back her face with my hands tenderly.

« Yes, my love ? » I asked with a loving smile but she didn't answer, her closed eyes wet with all the tears she shed.

As soon as she was released, she collapsed and I watched in shock the big wound on her neck and her body covered in bruises. She was pale, almost bled dried.

« Chizuru... » I whispered in horror.

When did that happen ? When did I do this to her ? Oh gods... Why didn't she stop me ?

« Chizuru ! » I repeated with more force, trying to lift her up as if it could make things better, applying pressure on her neck to stop the bleeding.

« I'm alright... » she said with a small smile, her hazel eyes blurry.

« No, you're not. » I said, panicked.

_Gods, I could have killed her..._

I lifted her up and brought her to the futon, laying her down.

« You need a doctor. » I told her, carressing her cheek, looking at the wound slowly healing. Too slowly.

« No, I'm fine. » she smiled « It's a small anemia. my body will produce the missing blood, don't worry. I just feel dizzy and need a little rest. »

« Chizuru, I'm sorry... » I said in a hoarse voice, filled with guilt. « This is my fault... »

« No it's not. » she objected « you spent too much time in the daylight, it was only natural. »

« There's nothing natural in this, Chizuru ! » I banged my fist on the tatami « Stop being so considerate of me ! I could have... I could... »

« No, you couldn't. » she said with a kind smile « look, the bruises are already gone and your hair are turning back black. Stop berating yourself on something you have no control on. »

« But I should have. » I replied harshly. « Chizuru, I'm not the same man I was... »

« That is not true. »

« It is... I'm... surrendering more easily to my emotions, I get clouded by them... Even now... The old me never would have told you about it... » I said, taking my head in my palms, digging my fingers in my skull.

« Then I prefer the new you. The one who actually asks for help when he needs to. » she said, taking my hands off my head and taking them in hers « We'll find solutions, together. I will continue my researchs, we'll find a cure. Alright ? »

Her hands travelled on my wrists and arms and came circling me, reassuring. I closed my arms on her too, afraid, terrified, vulnerable. In her arms, I felt like a little boy again.

« Alright. » I replied, clenching to her with all my strength.

She pulled me to the futon with her and held me tight until I fell asleep, finding some peace in resting during the day.


	34. Snitch

After that event, I dug myself even deeper into work. I was feeling amazing though. Even if I was working in broad daylight, the tiredness and the pain were burried deep inside me and I wasn't suffering from it, it was comparable to the itching of a small mosquito bite. Even my skin was less pale, closer to my natural color that was already pale but clearly not ivory either. I had to admit the evidence. Blood was something that I needed to stay strong and healthy now... But what could be the cost for Chizuru ? I nearly drained her completely, without even realizing it. I took a hairpin off her hair and pierced her skin with it. On purpose. What kind of sick... psychotic... Who does that ? Chizuru always had this effect on me, even when I was human. I was often loosing control with her, speaking more openly, showing my emotions and leaving lovebites on her neck without noticing I was actually doing it. But what I did that day, that was a lot graver than little lovebites. The wound on her neck took hours to close since I ravaged it with my teeth without realizing it as soon as the blood started flowing. It looked like she had been attacked by a rabid animal...

To add to my angst, I was still receiving more bad news than good ones on my desk every day. Betrayals by dozen, refusing to answer the battlecall. One good news though was that we could still count on the Aizu and more surprisingly, Sendai, who had demonstrated its allegiance to the SatCho and was now negociating back to ally the Bakufu. I didn't know why they decided to betray the enemy but it was a good thing for us. The Date Clan in the Sendai province was a powerful force. I also got a letter from the commander of the Yugeki unit, Iba Hachiro, that was also gathering his men to oppose the SatCho. Despite all that, our situation still was pretty glum and I couldn't wait for Kondou-san to be here and lead us again.

« Otousan. » I heard Haruhi call.

« Yes, Haruhi. Come in. » I said, lifting my gaze off my scribbling brush.

« I don't want to be a snitch, but Chizuru-neechan left with the small Rasetsu. » she stated, dancing on her feet.

« What ? » I gasped « Who ? When ? »

« Just now. I saw them whispering together and then they just exited the Inn. I know you don't like Chizuru-neechan to be alone with a Rasetsu so... I came to tell you. »

_Chizuru... What are you playing at ?!_

« Who is she with ? » I asked.

« The small one with the very long hair that looks a bit like a girl. » she said and I understood she meant Toudou.

_At least it's not Sannan..._

« Alright. » I said, standing up and putting my swords in my obi. « Do you know where they went ? »

« No... » she shook her head « they were whispering. »

« Surely Toudou can't leave the headquarters without notifying someone. » I said, heading out with Haruhi following me « Is another captain here ? »

« Nagakura is there, he's downstairs. »

« Good. » I nodded.

I got down the stairs and found Nagakura who didn't seem very happy but I didn't have time to check on him right now. I'll do that later if he still looked down. Anyway, Harada and Toudou were closer friends to him, they should be the ones to do it.

« Nagakura. » I called « do you have any idea where Chizuru and Toudou are ? »

« Ah, man... Saito, Hi. » he answered, his eyes looking everywhere except at me « Sorry, can't help you... »

« Don't lie to me. That's against the code of conduct. We are comrades. »

« Yeah... Well they didn't want to disturb you so... »

« Too late. »

« Maybe you should ask Sannan » he tried « he's Heisuke's commander now so... »

« I know you know where they are. » I cut him « I just want that information. »

_And I doubt Sannan would be willing to give it to me. Not after how I sent him away last time. _

« Okay, okay... » he sighed « they went to Chizuru-chan's old house. Heisuke visited it for her last time he was in Edo but Chizuru still wanted to go herself to see if she could find her dad's researchs on the Ochimizu and since it was already evening, Heisuke agreed to go with her. With the crime wave and everything, it wasn't safe for her to go alone. »

« What crime wave ? » I asked, my blood already freezing in my veins.

« Jeez, you don't know ?! » he yelled, surprised « I guess it makes sense with you locked up in work all the time... There are murders in Edo like... sick ones... No one wants to speak to Heisuke about it but... The victims, you know, they look like attacked by beasts... »

« Do we have missing Rasetsu ? » I asked, perfectly understanding what Nagakura meant.

« Not according to Sannan... » he said « That's the worst part. It means that Sannan is probably covering something up. He must know something. I mean, it's his job to keep them under control ! And the victims... Well no one is accusing the Rasetsu yet but... Everyone's thinking about it... »

_So you're telling me that Chizuru is out there, nearly at night, alone with a Rasetsu when there's a murder wave ? And no one is questioning the danger she might be in ? Is everyone out of their mind ? _

_Chizuru... Why do you need me to keep running after you all the time ? Are you enjoying it ?_

« Where is that house ? » I asked Nagakura, my impassive mask on.

« Not sure... » he replied, uneasy « I know it's in center town in Shitamachi so it could be pretty close but the center town is still big so... Can be anywhere, really. »

« I will never find her with only that information. » I snapped, already annoyed.

« It used to be a clinic. Maybe ask your way for the Yukimura clinic. » he said, hitting his clenched fist in his open hand.

« That's useful. » I nodded « thank you. »

I turned my heels, ready to get out when the door opened on Chizuru and Toudou, holding a lot of papers and books and smiling together. They saw me and both flushed in embarrassment.

_Where were you ?! I was worried sick !_

I stayed silent, not eager to let my anguish take control over my body. She was safe. There was no point scolding her. I had to stop being so harsh on her. I could loose her... It really was hard for me now to figure out when my anger was justified and when my Rasetsu nature was amplifying it.

« Hajime, hi... » she blushed uncontrollably « I went to my old house... »

« I know. » I simply said.

I saw in the corner of my eye Nagakura behind me, making signs, probably to warn them that I wasn't really happy about their little escape.

« You could have warned me. » I told her coldly.

Toudou understood that it was time to leave and he went away with Nagakura.

« I'm going to put all these in your room, Chizuru-chan ! » he said with a big fake smile while he was fleeing.

Chizuru and I stayed alone, silent.

« It's also to help you, you know... These notes might be very valuable... » she said eventually.

« I have nothing to object to that. » I shook my head « you could just have warned me and ask me to come with you. »

« You're deep in work all day... and Heisuke was there to protect me. » she said with a smile.

« Toudou's a Rasetsu. You're not safe with him. » I objected.

« I sleep with a Rasetsu every night, Hajime. » she frowned « and Heisuke never attacked me. »

« And I did. » I finished her sentence.

« Hajime, that's not what I meant... » she sighed. « Rasetsu aren't as bad as you think... »

_And they're not as good as you think either ! _

_Calm down... Don't let your emotions cloud your judgement... She's safe. You're taking a path of anger and fear. _

« Let me help you carry these. » I sighed.

With the pain gone, it was easier for me to calm down but I feared the moment the hunger would come back. If I hadn't drunk Chizuru's blood a few days ago, no doubt my anger and fear would have taken over me at that instant and lead me to words or behaviors I might have regretted.

She handed me the books with a smile but I was unable to send one back to her. I just took the pile and brought them silently to our room, putting them with the rest, near our futon.


	35. Convocation

« Saito. » I heard behind the shoji « I need you to come to my office. Now. »

« Understood, Fukuchô. » I replied, standing up from my nap.

Chizuru had left my side already, it was morning. We found a compromise with our sleeping hours. I was working until very late and joining her in the end of the night to stay by her side. As soon as the sun was starting to rise, I was falling asleep and she was waking up, letting me rest a few hours before I got back to work. She told me that I had to stop staying awake all day and that I could resist longer to the bloodlust if I actually slept during the day. She convinced me to rest a bit in the morning but no more. I needed my days to work.

I stretched and dressed myself to go and meet Hijikata-san, arranging my ponytail. It was back to silky now that Chizuru was combing my hair again. I could have done it myself but it was too nice to have her take care of me. And I could work in the meantime so I wasn't loosing any time. Things were getting better between the both of us and I was making a lot of efforts not to be unnecessarily harsh with her, despite my mood. She didn't speak to me about the incident that occured between us but she was head deep in her researchs and I couldn't help but notice that she stopped wearing hairpins and was just arranging her hair in a braid lately. It was cute and she looked nice but everytime I was seeing her without her hairpins, I knew that the true reason behind it was because she was afraid I could hurt her again...

I entered Hijikata-san's office and was surprised to find Sannan there so late in the morning. He should have been sleeping. Anyway, his presence could only mean one thing, we were going to talk about Chizuru.

« Saito, please sit down. » ordered the vice commander and I complied with a bow « I have a few issues I need to tackle with you. »

« Ha, Fukuchô. » I said in respect.

« Sannan here is telling me that Saito-sensei, although back, isn't helping him with the medecine and believes you to be the cause of this refusal. »

« That is correct, Fukuchô. » I nodded.

« Care to explain, Saito ? » he asked, already annoyed « I'm starting to have bloodlust episodes among my Rasetsu and I already told you that Saito-sensei needed to get back to her duties as soon as possible. »

I glared at Sannan. I wondered if the vice commander knew why Chizuru was that important in the creation of the medecine.

« I don't oppose Chizuru helping the Rasetsu. » I started with respect « she is currently doing a lot of researchs and went to find her father's notes to review them. »

« But you oppose her doing what really can help us. » said Sannan with frowned brows and visible annoyance.

« Chizuru's help will be provided as soon as Kondou-san and Matsumoto-sensei are in Edo. » I nodded to show my good faith.

« I don't see any correlation between these two things. » stated Hijikata-san.

« Fukuchô, do you know how the medecine is made ? » I asked, eyes aiming at Sannan.

« I don't. » admitted the vice commander.

« And you shouldn't either, Saito-kun. This information is classified. » replied Sannan.

« Well I do know. » I said coldly « and I want Matsumoto-sensei to be the one doing what is necessary. »

« Doing what, exactly ? Sannan ? Saito ? » asked Hijikata-san with peaking annoyance.

« Drain Saito-sensei's blood. » answered Sannan grudgingly « as an Oni, her blood has something special that makes the medecine more effective. »

Hijikata-san stayed silent, swallowing these new informations.

« You're using her blood ? » he repeated.

« I am. » confirmed Sannan « but Saito-sensei is totally consenting to this. »

« With all due respect, Sannan » I said « I agreed to your experiments back then because Yamazaki was helping her drain it safely. I don't object to the medecine craft if that's what Chizuru desire but I won't let you drain her. I want an actual physician to help. »

« I'm starting to understand the issue here... » muttered Hijikata-san « Why don't you help her, Saito ? »

_Because I'm a fucking Rasetsu._

« I have no medical background, Fukuchô. » I replied « A doctor is a better choice. It's a matter of days now before Matsumoto-sensei's in Edo. »

Hijikata-san stayed silent a moment, thinking intensely. I could see that he was not happy to be the arbitrator of this conflit when he had already so much on his mind with the preparation of the defense.

« Sannan, can the Rasetsu wait a few more days ? » he asked eventually.

« I cannot guarantee that there will be no incident. » he answered.

« Well, I trust you and Toudou to take care of the problem if there is. » he said calmly « We will have Matsumoto-sensei do what is necessary. You can dismiss, Sannan. »

« I have another question for Saito-kun. » he objected.

« Go ahead. » nodded Hijikata-san.

« Do you still have your Ochimizu vial, Saito-kun ? » he asked me and I wondered if he knew I drank it already.

« I have it. » I lied.

« I'm asking everybody. You see, I have a vial missing. » he continued « you don't know anything about it ? »

« Unfortunately, I do not. » I said genuinely.

« Alright, then I don't have any questions. If you'll excuse me... » he replied.

Sannan bowed and left the office, his eyes throwing daggers at me. I stayed alone with Hijikata-san who furrowed his brows again.

« Do you still need me, Fukuchô ? » I asked, ready to get back to work.

« Yes, Saito. I think we need to make a disciplinary reminder. » he said before muttering « of all people, I didn't expect I would ever need to make one with you... »

« Pardon me if I disappointed you. » I bowed, ashamed.

« I had reports about... noises coming from your room. Walls are thin. This is a military headquarter, Saito. Saito-sensei and you are tolerated because you are both Shinsengumi members however, this kind of behavior is unacceptable. If Saito-sensei wasn't the Shinsengumi's doctor, she would have to stay in another place, just like Kondou's wife. If you can't keep your relationship discreet, I will have to reconsider her position. »

« Understood. » I nodded, ashamed of myself.

Not only had I hurt Chizuru and ravaged her neck but everyone in the headquarters heard us... Could the situation be any worse ?

« Good. » he smiled a little « I know its not a pleasant thing to hear but I believe I can trust you on that issue. Last subject : your daughter. »

« Is there a problem with Haruhi, Fukuchô ? » I asked, concerned.

« She behaves, that's not the problem. But as I said, it's a military headquarter and she is not part of the Shinsengumi. You need to place her somewhere else. »

« I will ask Matsumoto-sensei if he would agree to host her. » I nodded.

« I agree, that seems to be the best solution. She will go as soon as Kondou-san's back. »

« Alright. » I agreed.

« Good, you can dismiss. » he said, getting back to work.

I bowed with respect and exited Hijikata-san's office. He didn't have to worry about the noises, I wasn't planning on touching Chizuru for a while after what happened. I'd wait for her to find a solution. May she find one soon...

I was a bit disappointed that Haruhi had to go but it was a logical choice. A military headquarter wasn't the place for a little girl and I trusted Souji to take care of her.

One thing was really bothering me though, and that was the missing vial of Ochimizu that Sannan talked about. Could it be possible that it had a link to the murder wave ? Could we have an unregistered Rasetsu on the loose ?


	36. Clinic

Kondou-san returned at last shortly after and everyone was relieved about it. His shoulder injury had perfectly healed and he was ready to lead the Shinsengumi again. We were supposed to have a meeting about it in the afternoon after he rested a bit from his trip, and we took the opportunity to get out. In our room, Chizuru and Haruhi were finishing packing the kid's stuff for our departure to the Matsumoto clinic where Chizuru would get her vials and Haruhi would be hosted.

« Can I take this one ? » she asked Chizuru, showing her one of the hairpins that she had been offered by Kazama.

« Yeah, take all the ones you like ! » she smiled genuinely « If your father agrees » she added, turning to me « I will not wear them again anyway, I prefer the others. »

I gave permission to Haruhi. I didn't care if she wanted to wear Kazama's hairpins. They were indeed very pretty but I didn't like the idea of Chizuru wearing them. It felt to me like a brand on her, a brand that had nothing to do here.

Still I was confused why Haruhi cared about these hairpins all of the sudden. She had been making her usual long ponytail for days and now, she wanted to put hairpins in her hair. Girls, I guess...

« I'll wait downstairs for you to be ready. » I said to the both of them.

I got down the stairs and took a warm tea, looking by the window. The little buds were showing on the trees. Soon, spring would be here, flowery and colorful.

Chizuru joined me shortly after with her striped kimono and her hair in a braid. Haruhi was following her with her bag, in a furisode with very long sleeves made with the Kazama princess kimono. It was just as Chizuru wanted to make it, black with the golden patern on the lower part and on the sleeves, a miniature version of hers but this one without kamon. The kid's hair were arranged in a bun with two hairpins and she was carrying her wakizashi in her hand. It wasn't really practical to have it in her large pink girl obi.

« Why aren't you wearing your training kimonos ? » I asked her, confused.

« I wanted to change. » she said, blushing red.

« It'll be more...Umph ! »

_Pragmatic._

Chizuru had landed her elbow on my side, making me stop my sentence halfway.

« Let her be pretty if she wants to be pretty ! » she scolded me.

« Alright. » I answered, still not understanding all this interaction.

We went to the Matsumoto clinic, just the three of us. Matsumoto-sensei greeted us, happy to see us safe. Souji was there too but he didn't get out of his room. The doctor told us that it was very tiring for him to stand up now. He was staying in his bed all day, sitting up to eat but that was all. Haruhi asked if she could go to see him and I agreed and went with her while Chizuru stayed with the physician to get her damn vials.

« Haru-chan ! » said Souji with a smile « you're so pretty ! »

« Thank you, Souji. » she replied, polite.

She was smiling from ear to ear and I also saluted my friend.

« How are your progresses going ? » asked Souji « Did you kill some bad guys with daddy ? »

« No » she laughed « but I fought an Oni ! »

« Correction. An Oni nearly killed her. » I frowned.

« Yeah but I only got cracked ribs. » she objected, triumphantly « As soon as it's healed, I'll show you what I can do, Souji ! »

« I don't think I'll really be able to keep teaching you, Haru-chan... » he said with a sad smile.

« Saito-chan » asked Matsumoto-sensei's wife « can I show you your room ? »

« Yes, thank you. » bowed Haruhi.

She went away, leaving me alone with Souji. I sat next to my friend's futon and had a glimpse at his untouched food.

« You need to eat. » I said.

« I don't feel like it... It's not interesting anymore, everything tastes the same. » he sighed.

« You still need it. » I objected.

« Are you gonna feed me, Hajime-kun ? » he grinned snidely.

« If you have enough energy for these kind of comments, you have enough to feed yourself. » I replied coldly but Souji just chuckled and coughed.

« I can't lift my sword anymore... » he eventually said after a while.

I didn't reply. We all knew that day would come, sooner or later. It was already impressive how Souji fought his illness for three long years. Most of the people contracting tuberculosis were dying much faster than that.

« Do you think Toshi is gonna come and see me ? » he asked.

« He didn't come ? » I asked in return, surprised.

« No. » he shook his head « I guess he doesn't care. Now that he has Kondou back, he can't play commander anymore. That must piss him off. And someone like me mustn't be his priority. »

« Hijikata-san has a lot of work. » I said to take his defense « He'll probably come as soon as he gets a moment. »

« Yeah, well, tell him I don't care. » he sighed with bitterness « he can just do whatever he likes. Is the kid staying ? »

« Ha. » I nodded « the headquarters are no place for a child »

« Okay. » he smiled « at least, that will entertain me. »

« Okita, can I come in ? » asked Chizuru behind the shoji.

« Hai, Chizuru-chan. » he answered « come in. »

She entered the room with a smile and frowned when she saw his untouched food.

« You should eat, Okita. » she said firmly.

« You two really make the pair » he chuckled « Hajime-kun already scolded me, don't bother. »

« Are you feeling okay ? » she asked, concerned.

« Good as ever » he smirked « Just taking a bit of rest and I'll soon get back at kicking some asses. »

« That's relieving. » she smiled kindly, not buying it a second.

« You take care of Hajime-kun and I'll take care of Haru-chan. » he said « When you'll see her again, she'll be so strong she'll beat the shit out of you. »

« No doubt in that » Chizuru chuckled « She's very dedicated at training when it comes to you. »

« What is that supposed to mean ? » I frowned, not liking what she was implying.

« Can't you tell ? » she smirked « Haruhi has a crush on Okita. »

« A woman with a lot of taste. » Souji nodded snidely and I threw daggers at him with my eyes.

« Souji's more than twice her age. » I objected.

« That doesn't matter when you're ten. » she chuckled « Why do you think she wanted to be so pretty today ? »

I stayed silent, astonished. How could Haruhi be in love with Souji ?! He was... 25 years old, nearly 26, two years older than her own father, and she was ten ! That didn't make any sense !

« That's so cute ! » commented Souji « finally my chance to become a Saito. »

« You touch her, you're dead. » I threatened.

« I don't think threatening a dying man is really effective. But don't worry, Hajime-kun. Unlike her daddy, I don't have a thing for little girls. » he laughed.

« I was fifteen ! » scolded Chizuru « and seventeen when he first touched me ! That's not even comparable ! »

« Yeah yeah, find excuses... » he laughed.

I kept frowning but I knew that he wouldn't touch Haruhi. I was just disgruntled by this new information. Haruhi... In love... She was far too young to be in love !

« Can I come in ? » asked the girl, speaking of the devil.

« Haru-chan, I'd be enchanted ! » commented Souji, winking at me.

She came in and sat with us.

« You didn't keep my paper cranes... » she commented sadly.

« I couldn't bring them all from Osaka. » he smiled genuinely.

« But they were supposed to help cure you... I had like three hundred or something... » she muttered, disappointed.

« We'll make new ones » he said « I'll help you this time, I have nothing better to do anyway now. It'll go faster. »

The kid nodded with a wide smile and blushed a bit which made me furrow my brows some more under Chizuru's mocking gaze.

« We shall get going. » I said.

I stood up, along with Chizuru, and Haruhi held us to say goodbye.

« You behave and help around for Matsumoto-sensei and his wife. » I ordered « you remember the rules ? »

« Yes ! » she nodded.

« What are they ? » I asked.

« Respect, help, no cursing and no physical intimacy. » she answered lifting her fingers, one at a time.

« Good. » I nodded while Souji chuckled and coughed his lungs out on his futon.

I thanked again the Matsumoto couple for accepting to take Haruhi in and I headed back with Chizuru. She had my arm in her hands and I was glad she wasn't pushing me away even with everything I did to her.

« Hajime, would you mind ? I'd like to take something from my old house, it's on the way. » she asked me.

« I don't. » I nodded.

I was glad she was asking me. Maybe she eventually realized how much it hurt every time she decided to do things without trusting me with it. We stopped near an abandoned house and got in. It was dusty but nothing was broken or anything. I expected a house left empty during four years to be in worse shape. She went to her dad's office and skimed all the books to finally find the one she wanted.

« Okay. » she said with a smile « we can go ! »

I nodded and we went back to the compound, just in time for Kondou's meeting.


	37. Daimyo

« Gentlemen, my sincerest apologies for worrying you. I am proud to say that I am in prime condition. » said Kondou-san with a smile and that sentence alone lighted all the glum faces in the inn « Everyone gather round ! I have big news to announce ! Luck is on our side ! »

I frowned. If luck really was on our side then it forgot to warn me. My letters and paperwork had a completely different opinion on the matter.

« The shogunate still has a lot of faith in us and had ordered us to intercept imperial forces in Kofu ! » he continued.

Kofu ? But... If the Satsuma was already controlling the Hakone Sekicho then Kofu, west of that position, was probably already in imperial hands.

« On top of this, I had a promotion ! I am now Executive Lieutenant Minister ! You all know what that means ! That's right, I am proud to announce that I am now a daimyo ! A daimyo ! » he said with a bright smile, exited.

« Congratulations, Kondou. » said Hijikata-san with a smile.

« That's amazing, Kondou-san ! » added Chizuru with a wide smile.

« Thank you, Toshi, Saito-sensei. » he nodded, proud « I am now lord Okubo Tsuyoshi but you can keep calling me Kondou, that's less confusing. Our corp isn't Shinsengumi anymore either but the Kouyou Regulatory Company ! Toshi, would you mind explaining them the rest ? »

« Our reasons for heading to Kofu is telling those imperal bastards where lord Yoshinobu's allegiance is. We are going to storm Kofu castle, take it back and hold it against anyone stupid enough to get in our way. » continued Hijikata-san.

« If we are successful » added Kondou-san with a smile from ear to ear « we are keeping Kofu castle for ourselves ! Can you imagine ?! We have no other choice but to give it all ! »

Kondou-san's excitement and joyfulness was very communicative and soon, the whole room was filled with cheers from the men. A quick look around me showed me that the captains were not fooled by all these news of daimyo and castle. This mission had something fishy and we all knew it. The faces around me looked dejected, as if they were given something bitter to eat and I had no doubt that my own face was mirroring theirs. The worst expression was on Nagakura's face, in the corner of the room. He was listening with his arms crossed, looking disengaged despite hearing Kondou's electrifying speech.

« A castle ? » muttered Nagakura to himself with bitterness, visibly not sharing everyone's enthusiasm, just like all of us captains.

« So, fellas, all of you start preparing to leave for Kofu as soon as possible ! » yelled Kondou with his fist in the air, provoking more cheers. « How well we do will reflect my evaluation with the shogunate. I know I can count on every single one of you ! Alright ! You are dismissed ! »

« Wait, all of you ! » shouted Hijikata-san as we were all standing up « I made appointments to the tailor for everyone. Tomorrow is for the captains and then there are three days for the rest of the men. You can check your schedule on the wall here, I will hang a scroll this afternoon. »

« Ah yeah, thank you Toshi ! » replied Kondou-san « everyone will get a new uniform, western style. If we have to march to war, let's at least march in style ! » he laughed.

_The tailor ? Western style ? What kind of shitty idea is this ? _

« Alright, now everyone can dismiss. » finished Hijikata-san before storming out, Kondou-san following him, whistling joyfully as he exited the room.

« Whoah, Kondou sure is elated to have been given such an honorable promotion. » commented Chizuru as the men were getting out, leaving only the captains in the room. « I can't recall seeing Kondou that happy before ! »

« Kondou-san began as a small dojo master. » I explained in my toneless voice « it is only natural to express elation now his efforts are recognized and promoted thusly. »

« Are we really gonna have a castle ? » she asked me, still not believing her ears.

_Only if we win. And the odds are not in our favor. Even if we do repell the imperialists, they'll come back for more with more firepower and we'll have to fight over and over to secure that position. Kofu is most probably already in occupied territory. _

« If that happens, » she continued, still processing the new informations « It would mean that you and the other captains would start working within the castle, right ? You won't be ronin anymore but samurai. »

That was true. But I was feeling less than thrilled about this prospect. A castle life seemed rather ambitious for me. My only skill was into taking lives. I couldn't see how this ability could keep being handy in the peace of a castle.

« Hajime ? » she asked, visibly expecting me to answer something.

« Ha. »

« Aren't you excited ? » she asked me, concerned.

« I wonder. » I just answered and that left her even more confused.

My eyes thinned and I look at the open window, wondering what the future had in stock for me. Chizuru seemed to have more questions but she was distracted by Nagakura's complains.

« What the hell is Kondou thinking ? » he sighed « I never signed up to become a servant. »

« What do you mean, Nagakura ? » she asked him with wide eyes « Samurai is an honorable position ! »

« He can call himself a daimyo or Okubo or whatever but he needs to chill out » he replied harshly « he's only sent to be turned as cannon fodder just like the rest of us. »

« Wha... What do you mean ? » she asked with her hand on her mouth, shocked.

« If this were thirty or fourty years ago, it'd be one thing » explained Harada with a bitter smile « but to get promoted by the current shogunate... That title doesn't have any substance now that the imperial law is restored. Kondou is blinded by his desire of recognition and doesn't realize that they are using him. »

« It's bullshit. » said Nagakura « and he decided all that without even consulting us. »

« I'm sure he and Hijikata-san talked it over... » tried Chizuru, her eyes wandering on the three of us, trying to find someone to agree with her.

« Well, at least everyone is pumped up » smiled Nagakura to reassure her « I guess it's better than staying here and doing nothing all day long. »

« Speak for yourself. » she scolded « Hajime's helping a lot around here ! »

« Hey, you don't need to snap, mama hen ! » he laughed « I wasn't speaking about him. »

I kept my gaze on the window, listening to each words. So I wasn't the only one to think that this mission was a way to get swiftly rid of the Shinsengumi... Well, too bad because I didn't intend to die in Kofu and I was pretty sure my comrades weren't planning to do so either.

« Shinpachi's right » added Harada « it's been a while I haven't seen our warriors that excited about anything. »

At that moment, Kondou came back in the common room to hang the scroll about the tailor appointment. Another nonsense, if you asked me.

« Hey, Kondou ! » yelled Nagakura « Where does that order come from anyway ? »

« Lord Katsu who is currently serving in place of Lord Yoshinobu at Edo Castle. Why do you ask ? » he answered, confused.

« Katsu is one of the highest ranked officers in the old shogunate guard. Why would a man like him tell you to protect Kofu ? » asked Nagakura.

« Kofu is a strategical location. We need to hold it in case we mobilize another war. » answered Kondou-san very seriously « if we hope to have any chance of participating in the warfront, it is imperative that we take Kofu. »

I turned from the window to report my attention on him. Kondou was really believing every word of it.

« Hope it all goes swimmingly... » sighed Nagakura, his lips pursed into a forlorn expression.

I didn't say anything, neither did anyone else present. We all shared that hope. I turn my heels away to get back to work. I was still feeling amazing and I was starting to wonder how many days it could last... Could I be cured with the big amount that I drank ? Alone in my room, I unsheathed my small tanto and slid it carefully on my arm, making a small wound. I watched the blood pour, dripping... It didn't have any effect on me but I suppose it wasn't proof enough since it was mine. I wiped it away and looked at the wound slowly closing.

_Still a Rasetsu then... _

I sighed and sheathed back my tanto. I had been stupid to hope that I was cured... Yet, I had to make the best of my prime condition, not suffering from the sun or the bloodlust. Silently, I took my brush and started scribbling again.


	38. Tailor

**Author note : For the uniforms, I chose the new ones from Edo Blossoms and not the old ones and anime ones. Reason is that I never understood why they had to put on a uniform if it was all so different ! I know the new ones aren't so popular but at least, it's a bit more homogeneous in style and I also like that they put the kamon on it that were totally absent from the old uniforms. It was more down to earth even if I need to admit, Saito in plain black was perfection.**

The next day, I took my breakfast with Chizuru and the others before all captains head to the tailor, as requested by Hijikata-san. Apparently, we needed new uniforms, more western style. I didn't understand the point of this. The problem with the SatCho was their superior firepower, not their modern uniforms. The way we dress wasn't going to change anything except maybe for the rifflemen but we didn't have that much warriors trained to use firearms.

But orders were orders and so, we all obeyed, except Chizuru of course. As a woman, she wasn't supposed to wear a warrior uniform and the days when she had to disguise herself were long gone. Kondou-san too decided to stay in kimono and Hijikata-san didn't force him to comply. He was the commander and a daimyo now, Okubo-sama, even if we were all still calling him Kondou-san.

At the tailor, we were presented different designs for our attire. I frowned at each one of them. What was the problem with kimonos anyway ? These outfits seemed so unpractical... and what was the point to have a uniform if we could all choose something different ? Before I could ask, all my concerns were voiced by Nagakura, apparently not eager to change his style either.

« The hell is that ? » he frowned « can't be seen in this shit ! »

« That's a direct order from the Bakufu » replied an annoyed Hijikata-san, trying on a very tight thing called a shirt and a waistcoat « this time we have a large funding and we are going to attack them with plenty of cannons and firepower. These uniforms are more appropriate to wield guns. »

« No way I use anything else than a blade ! » yelled Nagakura with Toudou supporting him « and since I intend to stay a swordsman, I'd rather keep my clothes ! »

« Enough of your bitching ! » shouted Hijikata-san « anyone who refuses isn't coming to Kofu, am I clear enough ?! »

We all fell silent, astonished. Nagakura, Harada and Toudou were all staring at one another in shock. Grudgingly, we looked back at the designs, trying to find out which outfit could be the most practical for a swordsman. I chose one with a shirt, waistcoat, pants and boots and the tailor also added a long coat to it. There were so many buttons on everything that I didn't even try to count them. I didn't know if that outfit would allow me to be more efficient on a battlefield but one thing was for sure, it would take me ages in the morning to get dressed.

« Okay, just extend your arms so I can mark where to ajust the fabric... » said the tailor and I felt like a clown with all this new impractical attire on me. « About the color... »

« Plain black. » I said firmly.

This was enough that I looked stupid with these clothes. I didn't need any flashy colors to make it worse.

« Actually » said Hijikata-san, taking a sheet of paper from his kimono laying on a nearby chair « there is a color and a kamon for each captains to help identify them on the battlefield. Saito's blue. And there will be golden lines like this » he showed on me « still to identify as a captain. We will all be with golden lines. »

« This outfit will be blue and golden ? » I repeated, trying not to show how shocked I was. I was already imagining it sky blue with golden ribbons.

« No. » replied Hijikata-san with a small smile « It's black. The color will only be here on the inside collar of your coat, your shoulders and your wrists. On the collar, a kamon, and a big one in the back too for your division to follow you. »

« I don't have a division. » I muttered, remembering all my men giving their lives at Ryu'un temple.

« So we have colors too ?! » yelled Nagakura.

« Yes. Colors and kamon on a black outfit with golden lines. You can choose the shape you like best but it's a uniform for gods's sake ! A bit of cohesion ! » answered Hijikata-san « Harada, red. Nagakura, green, Heisuke, yellow, Sannan, magenta, and me, purple. »

I nodded. There was nothing I could do anyway. The Bakufu ordered us to use those uniforms and we had no other choices than to comply. I let the tailor ajust everything on my body, putting needles and marks with ink. When it was over, I was glad to put back a simple black kimono and I watched the others getting their measures as well. All the faces were frowning, showing that we all shared the desire to be anywhere except here.

When we were all finished, Hijikata-san gave us a permission and I had to admit that I clearly needed a drink. Appart from Hijikata-san and Sannan, we all headed to Yoshiwara which was the equivalent district to Shimabara in Edo. We went to a pleasure house and had some drinks served by oirans. Silently, I let the alcohol confort me. It had something more than just a drink. Between the preparation of the war, my travel and now my paperwork, I didn't have a proper drink in ages. Plus, sharing that bottle with the three monkeys had something savory, like getting back to old times. I just wished Souji was there... Maybe I should visit him again before we all headed to Kofu... And that would also give me an opportunity to check on Haruhi. I was missing the kid already even if I left her only yesterday morning. We really grew close during our trip, she was calling me Otousan... I wondered if Kondou-san was feeling the same heartbreak every time he had to say goodbye to his family.

« What do you think, Saito ?! » said Toudou.

« Pardon me » I apologized, confused « I wasn't listening. »

« Shin says that Kondou's out of his mind lately and that we'd be better off without him. »

« Hey ! » yelled Nagakura « I didn't say it that way ! You're exaggerating it ! »

« Yeah, whatever » said Toudou with a wave of the hand « So what do you think, Saito ? »

« This sounds like treason. » I answered calmly, sipping my cup.

« Eh, Saito... » smiled Nagakura, uneasy « That is really not what I meant, you know... Just... Can we all agree that this Kofu idea is shit and that these western uniforms sucks ? »

« Orders aren't meant to be discussed. » I replied.

« So uptight... » sighed Nagakura « I wonder why we asked for your opinion. »

They kept discussing it during all evening and I kept drinking silently, listening to every words without commenting any of them. I couldn't help but admit that some of them were resonating in me more than I would like them to. My sole desire was to follow Kondou-san and make his dream come true. It always had been. But now that he was a daimyo and that we were marching to get a castle, I couldn't help but feel that something was wrong. Times were changing, no doubt in that. Was Kondou-san's dream already in the past before even coming to fruition ? And if it was, then what was my purpose now ?


	39. Uniform

« Hajime. » called Chizuru « can I come in ? »

« Ha. » I answered, sitting up.

Still according to our sleeping compromise, she was carrying the mail and paperwork of the day that she already had sorted, making me gain one or two hours of sleep in the morning without loosing any time. She put it on the desk and came near the futon to kiss me, a package in hand.

« Good morning. » she said with a kind smile « You slept well ? »

I nodded. I was still amazed how caring she could be even after getting her neck ravaged by my teeth. I wasn't deserving it. She leaned over to kiss me again, a mellow kiss, tender, filled with love. I knew she was doing all this to reassure and soothe me but even if I knew it, it was working. She didn't speak to me about her researchs so I supposed there was nothing new but she did make new medecine. I had some in my desk and she was also keeping some on her in case of need.

« You slept about 3 hours. » she told me « you know, you really need to sleep more. Why not taking a small nap in the afternoon ? »

« What's that package ? » I cut her, not eager to repeat the same conversation again and again.

« Your new uniform. » she smiled « apparently, you need to wear it starting today. »

I nodded again and Chizuru came behind me to comb my hair and attach them in a ponytail, as usual. She wrapped her arms around me and kissed my cheek. I flushed, wondering why she was so nice to me. I really couldn't understand her. If someone had attacked me the way I attacked her, never would I act like this with that person. And she'd probably already be dead.

« Why are you so obliging to me ? » I asked, unable to refrain myself.

« Because you're my husband. » she replied, cheek against mine, still holding me from behind.

« I see. It's by obligation, then. » I stated.

That indeed made sense. It was a wife's job to care for her husband.

« No, idiot. » she laughed « It's because I love you. »

I tried to turn to her and she let a bit go of me so I could catch her and bring her on my lap. She looked at me with a gaze full of love and truth. There was no hint of fear, of resent or of lie. I sighed and put my forehead against hers.

« I don't deserve you, Chizuru... » I muttered.

« Stop saying nonsense and get dressed » she chuckled « Everyone is supposed to meet downstairs. »

I nodded and let her go, opening the package. I got out all the different pieces of my new attire and laid them on the tatami, trying to remember which one to put on first. I started with the underwear and the shirt and Chizuru watched me struggle with the buttons. Seriously, what was wrong with ties ? I couldn't help but become totally red under her amused gaze and my eyes threw daggers at her when she started chuckling.

« I'll leave you alone. » she laughed gently before heading out.

I was glad that she decided to step out. I could struggle with less embarrassment. When I finished to put on my shirt, victorious, I had to do it all over again with the waistcoat. Buttons everywhere, even on the trousers... I sighed and looked at myself in the mirror. That was a nightmare and I didn't even have the coat on yet...

Chizuru came back inside at that moment, carrying books and papers, and she grinned at me. It wasn't mischievous though. There was something sparkling in her gaze.

« What is it ? » I asked, probably already blushing red.

« You look handsome. » she replied and my mouth fell agap.

« I beg your pardon ? » I said, believing that I misheard.

« I never thought I'd see you dressed like the French in Osaka one day but I have to admit you look rather dashing. » she smirked, crossing her arms.

« Da.. Dashing... » I repeated, stuttering stupidly. I had no doubt now that I was as red as a tomato.

« Turn around, let me see ! » she ordered playfully and I complied.

« I look ridiculous... » I muttered so low that I wasn't even sure she heard it.

« It is really form-fitting. » she continued « It highlights your every features. Edo women are gonna love this. I'd better keep an eye on you ! »

« I have no interest in Edo women. » I replied, still red.

She had something playful and somewhat hungry in her eyes that both made me pleased and very uncomfortable. Was this the way I was looking at her every time I was thinking to myself how gorgeous she was ? She came close to circle me with her arms and I escaped a surprised gasp when she squeezed my ass.

« Chi... Chizuru ! » I scolded, embarrassed.

« What ? » she asked with feigned innocence.

Already, my body was reacting to her teasing and with my new clothes, it was totally impossible to hide it. It was too tight to leave anything unnoticed. And of course, Chizuru did notice.

« What a pity that you are awaited downstairs... » she whispered in my ear and her voice sent a shiver in my whole body.

« You are a demoness. » I said very seriously, taking her hands off me.

« Maybe you shouldn't have married an Oni. » she replied playfully, leaving a soft kiss light as a feather on my neck.

She chuckled and backed off but the lust was still very perceivable in her eyes and it was really hard for me to ignore it. Nonetheless, after what happened, I wouldn't touch her again and we both knew it so there was no point in teasing me this way. If she was trying to make me loose my mind, it wouldn't work. I still had no desire for blood but when I attacked her, I wasn't experiencing the pain of bloodlust either. No, I just wanted to eat her up. It was just a desire and I surrendered to it so easily that it was scary to me. I wasn't going to make the same mistake again. I'd wait for a cure since it was the only way to keep her safe.

I crouched and took the coat on the ground to put it on. Again, I struggled with the buttons but Chizuru came to help me with it and I let her. I looked at her little hands working on my chest, closing the buttons one after another. She then curled the collar to show the inside of the coat where I could see the blue and the bamboo leaves kamon. The coat was long on the back but short on the front, allowing me to move freely and I did a few movements to test it.

« Is it hard for you to move with such tight sleeves ? » asked Chizuru, amused.

« Not particularly. » I answered, calming down now that she wasn't touching me anymore.

I looked at the two last pieces of the attire, two white cloths. I devined the long one to be a sash for my swords and I put it on. The other one though was a mystery to me. I picked it up and looked at it, trying to decipher what its purpose could be.

« It goes around your neck. » commented Chizuru, looking at me with laughing eyes.

« I know. » I replied as if I wasn't struggling seconds ago to figure out what it was. Pride, I guess.

« Let me help you » she chuckled and she came close to wrap it around my neck and stash the longer part inside my waistcoat « Now it's perfect. »

I looked in the mirror. I couldn't understand why she would find me handsome with this. It was too tight, too fitted. I was feeling completely naked, although fully dressed. I could see my arm muscles, my chest, my hips, my thighs and even the small bulge of my now calmed manhood. At least, my ass was hidden by the long coat. I never had been particularly bashful about my own body but I wasn't really keen on showing it to the world either. I wanted to put on a kimono and hide all this under the long fabric.

« What's the matter ? » asked Chizuru, concerned.

I didn't answer and just shook my head to make her understand it was nothing. I had to obey orders anyway and I had to admit that although tight, these clothes were very easy to move in.

« You're not only the best swordsman of the Shinsengumi now, you're the most handsome. » she chuckled.

« Nagakura would probably object to both these statements. » I frowned.

« Yeah, well Nagakura don't know shit. » she smirked « If it was up to me, you'd never leave this room. »

« I think you already made this pretty clear. » I replied with a smile « but I wouldn't let you. »

« That's what you think. » she objected with a grin.

« That is the truth. » I frowned again.

« Come on, go » she laughed « You're already late. I hope everyone struggled as much as you did otherwise you will have your fair share of snide comments. »

« Alright. » I nodded and headed out but as I slid the shoji, I turned around « Thank you, Chizuru. »

« Why are you thanking me ? » she asked, perplexed and understanding that I wasn't thanking her for buttoning my coat.

« For being you. » I answered.

« I love you, idiot. » she smiled genuinely « but you are late. »

I nodded and got downstairs to find the others. Nagakura was showing off, flexing his muscles to feel the range of movement in his uniform. Sannan and Toudou were there too, despite that it was daytime, and Harada joined shortly after me. Sannan's uniform had a long coat like mine but his was long also on the front. I wondered if it could hinder his movement but at least, he was more covered than the rest of us. Not that it seemed to disturb Harada and Nagakura the slightest. The both of them didn't even completely button their shirt so they could expose their bare chest a little.

Hijikata arrived with his uniform. It seemed made for him. Well, it was since it was tailor made, but he really was looking like a commander. Everything in him reflected authority. He was followed by a short man with scissors and introduced him to us.

« The hairdresser. » he said « everyone gets a haircut. No more long hair. »

« What?! » yelled Toudou « What's wrong with ponytails ?! »

« I said, short hair for everyone. » Hijikata-san frowned. « Sannan, Nagakura, yours are short enough already, you can dismiss. »

« But... But... » protested Toudou, nervously playing with his hair « you realize how many years it took me to have them that long ? It I don't put them up, they nearly go to my knees... and you Hijikata-san, of all people you should understand... Yours are nearly hips long... Aren't you going to miss them ? »

« No. » he said harshly « Now you all comply and cut these hair. »

I knew for sure that I would personally miss my ponytail. Having Chizuru comb my hair was something that I loved and now, she wouldn't need to do it anymore. What was going to be her reaction to me with short hair anyway ? She repeated quite a few times how much she liked them long.

Harada was the first one to get the haircut but we all followed grudgingly. The hairdresser wasn't cutting too much though and I was glad for that. I wouldn't have liked getting super short hair or if he cut my bangs. I looked at my raven like hair falling on the ground and hoped Chizuru wouldn't be mad about it.

She joined shortly after with tea and open wide eyes when she saw all of us with our hair in hand. Toudou was crying, clenching to his long ponytail while the scissors were cutting it.

« What do you think, Chizuru-chan ? » asked Harada with a seductive voice « Am I not super sexy with my new haircut and my western style ? »

« You are, Harada ! » she replied with a laugh.

She then turned to me and I saw that the spark I witnessed earlier hadn't left her gaze even now that I had short hair. She put a hand to hide her lips to the others and mouthed a single word to me « handsome ».

I turned my eyes away and blushed red like a teenager. Really, this uniform seemed to have an daunting effect on my wife that I wasn't sure was very safe for my sanity.


	40. March

With the haircuts and the new uniforms also arrived better news. We received a lot of new equipment from the Bakufu, new swords for our warriors but also riffles and guns, even two cannons. These new equipment helped us a lot during the recruiting although I wasn't really sure about the recruiting methods of Kondou-san. Offering sake and money instead of honor... How could he expect true warriors to join ? But we were lacking time and had to increase our numbers quickly. Toudou and Sannan were also looking for volunteers all around town to join the Rasetsu corp. I felt sorry for their new recruits, they clearly had no idea what a curse it was...

After only a few days, we all went marching towards Kofu. I took the medecine with me and so did Chizuru. Toudou and Sannan stayed in Edo under Hijikata-san's orders who didn't want to bring the Rasetsu to Kofu. There had been a terrible argument with Sannan, so loud and violent that even if we weren't attending the meeting, we heard their voices scream at each other in all the headquarters. At first, I wanted Chizuru to stay there as well, especially since she seemed to be a bit more tired recently, but I wasn't sure about leaving her alone with solely Rasetsu. Even a battlefield was safer than that. Plus, she was our doctor, her place was with us. Hijikata-san assigned me to her protection since I didn't have any unit yet. Kondou-san was supposed to meet with us a few days after our departure and bring us new recruits that would constitute my unit and fill the ones of Nagakura, Harada and Hijikata-san.

While we were marching though, complains started to emerge from my comrades.

« Where is Kondou-san ? » asked Chizuru « He should have joined already... »

« I believe he is still in Hino. » replied Harada with a small smile.

« Hino ? » repeated Chizuru.

« I bet you anything he's drinking with the new recruits... » muttered Nagakura angrily « shit, I really don't understand what's going on in his head. Is he even serious about this ? Are we marching to war or taking vacation ? »

« No need to be like this... » said Harada, trying to calm his friend down « The man hasn't seen his wife and daughter in years. Give him a break, he deserves it. »

« Look, I'm not giving him shit for having a drink but there's a place and a time for everything. » explained Nagakura « He's sending us to Kofu, he should be here with us, not partying. »

I sighed. Nagakura's sour rant consequently made the mood around him lower, especially to some of the new recruits. I noticed that Chizuru was looking at me, maybe expecting a comment on Kondou-san's behaviour, comment that I wouldn't give. In the end, I was totally atune to Nagakura's complains, I was just expressing it less.

Eventually, Hijikata-san loudly barked at the convoy to halt from the front ans he stopped to face us.

« Saito-sensei. » he adressed Chizuru « are you alright ? Do you need a small pause ? »

« No, I'm fine ! » she blushed. « I can keep walking. »

« Good. » nodded Hijikata-san « To be fair, I thought a lot about leaving you at the headquarters but I feared it might be dangerous, I am sure Saito agrees with me. I'd rather keep you here with us. »

« Dangerous ? » she asked, perplexed.

I, on the contrary had totally understood what Hijikata-san had on his mind.

« Is it Sannan ? » I asked in my toneless voice.

« Sharp as ever. » he sighed « That's right. He has been acting really weird lately and I don't think that the... medecine... has a lot of effects on him anymore. He gets more moody, more violent... I feared he would have tried to get medecine from it's source. »

I nodded. I had exactly the same fear. I saw myself the difference between the medecine and the actual blood of Chizuru. It couldn't even compare. I have been able to walk in daylight with a bit of discomfort for days without being exhausted like with the medecine and I could also lay next to Chizuru every night without desiring her blood. Even if the effects were starting to wear off now, after weeks, there was no doubt that the source was indeed a lot more powerful and if Sannan suspected it then he could have chosen to take what he wanted directly from her.

« How bad is it ? » asked Chizuru « Sannan's condition. »

« Seems like he's been yelling at night and scratching at the walls, sometimes he's just laughing madly... » replied Hijikata-san, avoiding her gaze.

« He must be in terrible pain... » muttered Chizuru « I should have stayed... »

It was so typical of her. She wasn't realizing at all the danger she could be in and was just worried about Sannan and his suffering. I suspected she knew already about Sannan's plight. She was spending way too much time with the Rasetsu not to have noticed, and it was hurtful to see her protect him that way. I suspected that she had previous interactions with him that led her to that conclusion but she never talked to me about it, to protect Sannan.

« No. » said Hijikata-san « You wouldn't have been of any assistance to Sannan. And if you ever thought about offering your blood to him or another Rasetsu, that is something I will not tolerate. You are our doctor, not a meatball. »

I felt his words pierce my heart. He couldn't know how I took advantage of Chizuru weeks ago. He didn't even know I was a Rasetsu... Yet, it hurted to be reminded how I drank from Chizuru shamelessly. At that moment, maybe she wasn't even my wife to me but a meatball, just like he said.

« I don't agree with you, Hijikata-san. » she objected boldly « as you said, I am a doctor and I am not lucky enough to have found a cure to the Rasetsu affliction yet but I possess a treatment, in me. As a doctor, I need to do my best to alleviate my patients. »

I looked at her but for once, her face burning with volition didn't make me proud. I couldn't help but wonder if she offered herself to Sannan before, to Toudou... That wasn't the first time that the idea crossed my mind and I was always infuriating about it. I think I would rather learn that she had been unfaithful rather than she let another drink from her the way I did.

« Not at the expense of your own health. » said Hijikata-san firmly and that shut down the conversation as he turned over to ask everyone to start walking again. I positioned myself near him but kept an eye on Chizuru in my peripheral vision.

« Fukuchô. » I nodded « can I have a minute of your time, please ? »

« Sure. » he replied.

« Nagakura and Harada appear to be displeased with our orders to attack Kofu. Especially regarding Kondou-san's behavior. » I explained « It is a problem for our cohesion. »

« yeah, I noticed it... » he replied with a wry smile « displeased ? More disgruntled... I can't blame them. I mean, we are going to war and Kondou spending his time drinking in inns probably isn't the most diplomatic move... »

I nodded. I was sharing the captains concerns about Kondou-san but admitting it would be treason in my point of view.

« Problem is, in our situation, we don't have the luxury of men lining up around the corner willing to join us. Instead we have to use sake and cash to win them over... »

« Please be honest, Fukuchô. » I asked bluntly « Do you believe we can get out of this battle victorious ? »

« First we need to get inside that castle and fortify it. If we do, we'll be set. »

« Then if we are unable to penetrate the castle... » I muttered.

« You know, I'd seriously wish you all give me something to smile about once in a while... » he frowned « but to answer your question, if we can't get inside then we're screwed. Although the Bakufu gave us guns and cannons this time, they're still old shit that can't compare to the type of weapons the SatCho have. »

« You do anticipate a defeat, then ? » I asked.

He didn't answer but that was enough for me to understand that he too wasn't looking at this mission with good omens. I had mixed feelings about this. On one hand, I would have expected the commander to pump us up, cheer us up, give us faith in our mission. On the other hand, I was glad to see that his vision wasn't clouded by ambition.

« There's no way I can tell this to Harada or Nagakura but... Even I can't bring myself to tell anyone "eh, there's no guarantee we'll win but go ahead and die for us" »

So we were gonna die. Good. It had something conforting to know with certainty what I thought all along.

« Acknowledged, Fukuchô. » I nodded « We will perform our duty. »

« Yep... » he smiled faintly « the duty... »

We kept walking until dark, my place regained next to Chizuru. She really looked pale and I wondered if she was ill or something... Or maybe it was another anemia... Did she offered herself to Sannan or Toudou before we go ? The only thought of it was making my own blood boil.

« Are you alright, Chizuru ? » I asked her, concerned.

« Yeah, don't worry » she blushed « I'm just not used to walk that much anymore... »

I locked my gaze in hers and she turned her head. She was lying but I didn't know why. It was the first time Chizuru was lying to me or at least, the first time I could decipher it. I wanted to tell her that I wasn't fooled and to explain herself but I didn't. Maybe I feared what she could say to me and I really didn't need another subject of worry just before the battle. If we got out of it victorious, then I would settle my personal problems with Chizuru. For the moment, I needed to be focused on one unique thing : my duty.


	41. Camp

Later, we set up camp just off the trail. I planted the tent and Chizuru immediately went in to take a small nap, completely exhausted. I was starting to get a little worried about it. I woke her up for the evening meal and then tried to rest with her but I laid awake restlessly and decided to head out. Hijikata-san's hopeless confession was swirling madly in my mind, more than I would have liked to admit. I exited the encampment to find a quiet place where I could be alone with my thoughts and doubts. I found an open patch in the forest and looked up. It was a beautiful spring night and the sky, unlike my mind, was clear of any clouds. I was mesmerized by the beauty of this scenery that always made me question my own ephemeral existence.

I heard a sound, a branch moved nearly imperceptibly but I was alert. I took a fighting stance, ready, and waited for my uninvited guest to show himself.

« Who's there ? » I threatened with steel in my voice.

I waited but no one showed up. With my eyes accustomed to the dark though, I could decipher a silhouette. I hadn't dream that sound.

« You have until I count to ten otherwise, I will slit your throat. » I said sharply to the silhouette, making it acknowledge that I knew it was there.

« Wait, it's me ! » I heard and I sighed and quitted my fighting stance even before she stepped out of the shadows.

« Chizuru. » I said, taking my hand off the pommel of my katana.

She leapt from behind the shrub and came close with a kind smile.

« You should be sleeping. » I told her « you were exhausted. »

« I know... » she smiled « but I saw you get out and I wondered where you could be going. »

« It's dangerous to leave the encampment. » I stated.

« I have a swordsman with me. » she smiled kindly and my heart couldn't help but smile with her.

She sat on the forest floor and she seemed to want me to join her but I turned my gaze on the stars and moon once more, savoring their beauty.

« Hajime... What's the matter ? » she asked and I turned my eyes on her, joining her on the forest floor.

« It's nothing. » I answered « Chizuru, you really should go back to sleep. Tomorrow, we'll march to Kofu again and if you don't have enough rest, you won't be able to follow. »

« Is it too much to ask just to be with my husband ? » she pouted adorably.

« No. » I smiled « do you want me to come back with you at the tent ? »

« Maybe later » she said, putting her head on my shoulder.

I shifted a bit my body and took her head in my hands to rest it on my lap as she changed her position from sitting to laying.

« Now you can sleep. » I told her and she chuckled in response.

We stayed silent a moment, her eyes closed and mines still staring at the night sky while combing my fingers in her hair. It was peaceful and calm, just what I needed to sooth my worried mind.

« What did Hijikata-san say to you ? » she asked me suddenly, catching me off guard.

« It is of no concern to you. » I replied.

« Was it about Kofu ? » she instisted.

« Ha. » I nodded, reporting my intention on her and meeting her chestnut gaze light by the moon.

« Are we gonna win ? » she asked in a whisper and I couldn't bring myself to lie to her.

« It's unlikely. » I admitted.

She didn't say anything and looked at the sky.

« Do you think you can die ? » she eventually asked.

« It's a possibility. » I answered genuinely.

« Can you promise me you won't ? » she asked again.

« I do not make oaths that I'm not sure I can keep. » I shook my head.

She lifted her hand and came brushing her fingers on my cheek and jawline, then neck and up to my ear. She sat up and kissed me, almost with desperation. She knew I was telling the truth and that there was a chance for me never to return. Her tongue seeked entrance and I let her in, putting my hand behind her head to pull her closer. I noticed she was working on the buttons of my coat and I caught her hands, frowning.

« We can't, Chizuru. » I told her « It's not safe. »

« Everyone's asleep and we are far from the camp. » she whispered like a conspirator.

« That's not what I meant. » I sighed « I can't take the risk to hurt you again. »

She seemed to think for a minute and pulled a tie from her hakama.

« I could tie you up ? » she proposed, blushing red because of her own boldness.

« Chizuru » I said with wide eyes « I don't know what you're thinking but I'm not a dog, alright ? »

« Sorry. » she blushed even more, getting the tie away « I just wanted to find solutions... »

« Attaching me doesn't seem like one to me. » I frowned, wounded in my pride.

I wasn't an animal. I was her husband. I loved her. And if I couldn't love her without being restrained then it had no point. She seemed to think again for a moment and leaned over to kiss me once more. In her kiss, I could feel her desire, her urge and her fear that maybe we could have no tomorrow. Her lips came kissing the corners of my mouth and got further, on my neckside and up to my ear. I didn't have the will to stop her even if I knew that I wouldn't allow her to go further and that we would only end up both frustrated.

« Hajime » she whispered in my ear, sending shivers from my ear to my toes « Drink my blood. »

I pushed her away and stood up, shocked. I wanted to believe that I had misheard.

« What did you just say ? » I asked, astonished.

« I want you to drink my blood. » she repeated.

« I will not. » I shook my head.

« Hajime, please come here and listen to me. »

« No. »

« You... obstinate... bull-headed... uptight... idiot... » she muttered in frustration.

It was a bit adorable to see her get off her nerves like this but it couldn't compare to the grief she was making me endure by asking that from me. She calmed herself and made a long sigh before adressing me again.

« If I explain with logic, will you at least listen ? » she asked me.

« Chizuru, you can't ask this from me. » I replied firmly « I would never do this again and I have some medecine in case of emergency. »

« Sit down here and listen. » she said « and after you listened, you will make your own decision but at least, you'll have all the cards in hands. It will be your call to play them or not. »

I stayed silent, looking at her. I couldn't fathom how any of her statements could make me change my opinion on the subject. I wouldn't drink Chizuru's blood and that was final.

She pulled on my wrists and I sighed, sitting down with her.

« I'm listening. » I just said calmly.

« Thank you » she smiled « so, how's your bloodlust ? »

She asked me that question casually, as if she was asking me what I had for dinner or if I slept well. It was unsettling.

« It's... fine. » I stuttered.

« And the sunlight ? » she asked again.

« Bearable. » I answered.

« And it's been nearly 3 weeks now that you drank my blood. »

I didn't answer. I noticed it of course, the effects that her blood had on my Rasetsu body. I was stronger, more resilient. It couldn't even compare to the medecine.

« Last time when you... »

« Attacked you. » I said, not in the mood to play with words.

« When you lost control, you had only relied on the medecine and on your volition, living in the daylight. That was a slippery slope, Hajime. And if you want to continue to live in the daylight and avoid the bloodlust, you need something stronger. In the medecine, my blood is diluted, mixed with various herbes. Concentrated, it can help you live a normal human life. »

_You call this a normal human life ? _

« Hajime, if your body gets the amount of blood it now needs to function, you won't crave it that much. » she said tenderly, as if we were discussing something a lot more pleasant « let me help you and make your life easier, please. »

« Is that how Sannan and Toudou escaped the madness that long ? » I couldn't refrain myself to ask.

« No... » she chuckled as if I had said something extremely funny « They use the medecine but they rest during the day contrary to my obstinate husband ! In fact I never thought it could be so different before seeing the effects on you. »

So she never offered it to the others then ? Despite how she hated see them suffer ? I looked deeply in her eyes and saw that she was telling the truth. She never did it. There was a bit of relief invading my heart combined to a hint of smugness to be the only one allowed to know her most intimate tastes.

« I'm not asking you to drink it now but... Can you please consider it ? » she asked.

« I... » I started and then thought for a minute at my answer « I'll consider it. »

She flashed me a giant smile, as if I just offered her a gift she wanted for ages.

« Thank you, Hajime ! » she said genuinely and she kissed me again before putting her head back on my lap.

She took only seconds to fall asleep which wasn't surprising considering how tired she was. Without waking her, I picked her up and carried her back to the tent where I laid down next to her, waiting for the morning to come.


	42. Cavalry

« Chizuru. » I called her softly, caressing her face.

She was still sleeping and I needed to fold the tent so we could march again towards Kofu. She opened her eyes, still blurry with tiredness and passed her fists on her eyes.

« Good morning. » she said, sitting up.

« I apologize for disturbing you but you need to get dressed and get out if you want anything for breakfast while I fold the tent. »

« I'm not hungry. » she said, a pout on her face.

« As a doctor, you should know that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. » I objected « Now, go. »

She put on her kimono and hakama and headed out grudgingly. I folded our futon first and stepped out with it to keep folding the rest. I looked at Chizuru from afar, eating a rice ball without any envy, but I was still happy she obeyed me and ate. She'd need energy to keep walking. My work done, I put the tent with the others and joined her.

« Yukimura. Sorry. Saito-sensei. » said Hijikata-san, coming our way « are you gonna be ok ? You look pale as a ghost. »

« I'm fine. » she replied with a genuine smile.

« You too, Saito ? » he asked, visibly concerned.

« I beg your pardon, Fukuchô ? » I replied, perplexed.

« You two seem to have caught the same thing, you both look pale. » he stated, crossing his arms « are you gonna walk ? »

« I am in prime condition, Fukuchô. » I bowed « My health shouldn't be of any concerns to you. »

« Nonsense. » he sighed « you are one of my best elements. I have every right to be concerned about you. »

« It's okay, Hijikata-san » insisted Chizuru « Hajime's fine and so am I. »

« Okay then » he smiled « if you need a halt or something, just ask me. I'd rather enter Kofu with healthy warriors if I can get the chance. »

« Understood, Fukuchô. » I bowed.

The vice commander went away and Chizuru looked at me with concern, carressing my cheek.

« Hijikata-san's right » she said « you do look pale. The effects must be wearing off. »

« They have been for a few days already but it doesn't impede on my ability to perform my duty. » I answered calmly.

« Until it does. » she replied with a sigh « Are you okay in the daylight ? »

« Ha. » I lied.

It wasn't really a lie. Compared to what I endured between Osaka and Edo, this was nothing. But it was true that the pain was here again, replacing the discomfort. I knew that it was going to increase slowly until a bloodlust episode but I still had time.

« Okay... » she just said.

I was surprised that she was abandoning that easily but I was glad for it. I was truly considering her offer, not because I craved her blood but because the logic of her arguments did convince me a little. That said, I still wasn't ready to take this directly from her. Maybe in vials ? We'd see when we'd come back to Edo, if we did, which already was unlikely.

« Alright everyone starts moving now, we still have a hella walk ahead of us » shouted Hijikata-san « Shimada, Saito, come here. »

We joined the vice commander at the head of the column to take our orders. I let Chizuru a bit behind but where I could see her. Even if she hadn't been my wife, I was assigned to her protection and a target never left my sight before. Chizuru wasn't an exception.

« Shimada, we should be able to reach Kofu tomorrow morning. » said Hijikata-san « you go and scout ahead. »

« Very well, Fukuchô. » bowed Shimada.

« Fukuchô. » I said « allow me to assist Shimada. »

With the tragic loss of Yamazaki back at Fushimi, we had no Watch anymore and two scouts were always better than one.

« No Saito. » he shook his head « I have something else to order you. »

« I see. » I replied, a bit disappointed.

« Shimada » barked Hijikata-san « what are you still doing here ?! »

« My apologies, Fukuchô. » bowed Shimada before going to perform his duty.

It was a mystery to no one that the general mood was glum but Hijikata-san seemed particularly on edge.

« Saito. » he adressed me « in case of conflict or ambush, I want you to flee. »

« Pardon me, Fukuchô ?! » I said with wide eyes.

« If we can't get into that castle, we'll all be doomed. I want you to take Saito-sensei out of here first as soon as I order the retreat. You are assigned to her protection. »

I tightened my fists but my face stayed impassive. I didn't want to run and leave my comrades to fight and die to ensure my escape. Yet, this order was a way to keep Chizuru safe.

« Understood. » I nodded.

« Thank you, Saito. » he said with a small smile « You are always here to comply with all my stupid wishes. »

« I do not think they are stupid, Fukuchô. » I objected « In any case, I am glad you give me the opportunity to protect her. »

« Yeah well, that girl never asked for all that... » he muttered sadly « she's no warrior and yet, she tolerated us for four years now and followed us, helped us, treated us when we were injured... It's only a return of courtesy not to let her die unnecessarily. »

I never once before heard the vice-commander praise Chizuru this way. He really should think that our mission was suicide for him to make peace this way with his doubts and thoughts.

« You're one lucky bastard, Saito. » he said to my surprise « try not to forget it. »

« I won't, Fukuchô. » I nodded.

Yet this conversation was making me uneasy. I wondered if the vice commander had some feelings for Chizuru during our time in Kyoto. He never made any moves on her but Souji did say the day I married her that Hijikata-san probably wouldn't have minded if Chizuru exited the party with the wrong husband.

« I damn hope so. » he scolded gently « otherwise, I'd have to make that a direct order. »

I smiled a little at Hijikata-san's humour when I heard some hooves in the back of the column. Horses were coming our way.

« It's about time... » muttered Hijikata-san as I saw more than fifty horses and their cavaliers join the head of our ranks.

« I apologize for my tardiness. » said Kondou-san with a bright smile « I bring sixty men with me. »

« I was starting to wonder if you'd be here in time, Kondou » smiled Hijikata-san.

The arrival of the commander, with sixty warriors and horses, lifted immediately the general mood. Appart from this cavalry, we were all on foot. These horses really could be an advantage in battle against swordsmen and even against rifflemen if their guns took time to reload.

« About time Kondou shows up » commented Nagakura with a smile, for once.

« Yeah, that really pumped our guys up » added Harada.

Chizuru was walking with them and smiling too, from ear to ear. I met her gaze and came closer to her. As her personal bodyguard, I mirrored her steps to be at the exact same speed, just like I did the days before. There was a bit of sweat on my face and that was the only exterior sign of my growing pain but of course, Chizuru noticed it, alert as she was. She went away a few seconds to ask one of the foot soldiers for his wide jingasa (war hat) and gave it to me with a smile. I accepted genuinely and put it on, ready to walk for hours in the sunlight until we finally reached our destination.

We settled another camp not too far from Kofu but far enough not to be spotted by enemy scouts. The attack would be held in the morning. This time too, Chizuru went directly inside the tent to nap but I stayed a bit with the other captains and Kondou-san. The commander was so confident in our victory that I was torn between admiring him and considering him a fool.

« With that cavalry, we are now up to three hundred men and we have some more still stationed in Edo for backup when the castle will be ours. » he explained, extatic.

« If... » muttered Harada.

« We have no report that the imperialists have taken Kofu yet. » frowned Kondou-san « we still have a chance to get there before them »

« Yeah sure... » grumbled Nagakura « and then we'll hold a castle with three hundred men against an army of rifflemen. »

« Are you gonna tell me you're afraid, Nagakura-kun ? » barked Kondou-san.

« I'm not afraid to give my life for a cause but I don't see the point of risking my life unnecessarily. » he answered, raising his voice.

« Maybe you should remove these things on your hip if you can't act a warrior. » stated Kondou-san.

Electricity was starting to fill the air between the three of them. I thought that Kondou-san was particularly unfair to Nagakura. Back at Toba-Fushimi, the second division captain volunteered to be on the front line during the assault on Gokounomiya shrine. His courage and will as a warrior were indisputables. The commander was once more demonstrating that his new title as a daimyo was clouding his judgment. Before it escalated though, Shimada returned from his scouting.

« Sotchô, Fukuchô and Kumichô. » he bowed « I'm afraid I have bad news. »

« Surprising... » muttered Nagakura but Hijikata-san silenced him with a glare.

« The SatCho has taken Kofu castle. » said Shimada.

« Taken ? » replied Kondou-san with wide eyes but he was the only one surprised with these news.

« Maybe if our commander had prepared this campaign instead of drinking in inns, we could have arrived before them, but no ! Partying was far more important ! » commented Nagakura angrily.

« Watch your mouth, Nagakura ! » scolded Hijikata-san with force. « We will not tolerate another comment of this nature ! »

Kondou-san was looking in the fire, thinking. Our chances of success just dropped even more. If they were holding the castle, they had the higher ground and the fortifications to protect them, let aside their advanced weaponry.

« How many are they ? » asked Kondou-san after minutes of silence.

« I am not sure, Sotchô. » answered Shimada « There seem to be a thousand under the Tosa commander Itagaki Taisuke but I have no idea of the effectives of Satsuma ans Choshu troops. »

« A thousand... » repeated Kondou-san again.

« Kondou-san, you have to order the retreat. » said Nagakura, expressing out loud what we were all thinking deep down.

« There will be no retreat ! » shouted Kondou-san with force « we have fundings and equipment from the Bakufu, they are counting on us. »

« That's suicide, Kondou ! » yelled Nagakura « we are one against three at best and we have the lower ground ! »

« What is happening ? » I heard from behind and I turned to see Chizuru, still sleepy, walking our way.

I stood up and came closer to her, taking her hand to bring her back to the tent. There was no need for her to hear all this and worry all night about the outcome of the next battle. I laid next to her and took her in my arms to reassure her and make her fall asleep again.


	43. Kofu

In the tent, held in my arms, Chizuru was fixing the top with open worried eyes.

« Hajime ? » she asked « why are they arguing ? »

« Do not trouble yourself with it. » I answered.

« They're in Kofu already, right ? » she asked again and I cursed her for being so perceptive and smart.

« Ha. » I answered. There was no point in lying.

« Please don't spare me, Hajime. » she said « tell me. »

« Kofu castle has been overrun already. Their forces are at least of a thousand men. Probably more. »

« Then... Our forces can't win, can they ? » she asked in a whisper.

« It's unlikely. Attacking a castle of this fortitude would require triple the forces of our opponents. And to assure victory, then we would need ten times as many. »

« Ten thousands... » she muttered.

« and that is assuming both sides are armed equally. With the SatCho advanced weaponry, we need even more men to oppose them. »

« Then... We are retreating ? » she asked.

I sighed. Even Chizuru was capable to see that our situation was worse than ever, and Kondou-san was lost in his warlord fantasy.

« Kondou-san decided that we will attack as planned. » I answered.

« That's insane ! » she yelled and I put my palm on her mouth to muffle her.

« There is no need to alert more warriors. » I scolded softly.

We stayed a moment in each other's arms, holding tight until she got away from my embrace to get her kodachi.

« What are you doing ? » I asked.

Without answering me, she unsheathed the blade and slid it across her palm. Her face twitched because of the sharp pain but she kept her composure and extended the palm in my direction. In her gaze full of will, I saw a reflection of my surprised expression but unlike I expected, my hair and eyes were still of my normal color even when the delicious scent of her blood caught my nose.

« Drink it. » she ordered.

« Chizuru, I... » I objected, gulping my saliva with difficulty.

« If tomorrow goes wrong, I will regret it for the rest of my life if I know that I could have made you stronger but I didn't. Drink it. »

I looked at her opened hand, covered in crimson liquid and my tongue suddenly felt uncomfortable in my mouth. I wanted to extend it and lick carefully, like a cat liking milk. At least, I didn't want to devour her like last time, that was an improvement. Could it be possible that she was right ? If I drank blood without waiting for the bloodlust episodes, could I be more effective to control my envies ?

« Hajime... Please do it. » she pleaded.

The cut on her palm wasn't deep and I could already see it healing. She took her kodachi again, annoyed, and slid it once more, provoking another flow inside her open hand. She was careful to not let it drip on the tent floor and put her hand even closer, the iron scent catching my nose.

« Just... » I stuttered with difficulty « Just... Please, close your eyes... Don't... Don't look at me... »

She did as I said, a kind smile on her face and I grabbed her palm carefully, cupping it with both my hands. I approached my face and extended my tongue, licking the blood flowing from her cut. The coppery taste was strong and exquisite but I didn't want it desperately like last time. I was in control. I wondered if it had something to do with its taste. It was slightly different from that time. I could recognize her taste, it was the main flavor but it was... Altered... Gaining a bit of confidence, I allowed my lips to suck on the wound and I felt her shiver.

« Am I hurting you ? » I asked softly, taking my lips away to look at her face.

Her eyes were still closed and she was still smiling when she shook her head to deny. I brought my lips back on her cut and sucked gently, letting my tongue wander on her palm to lick every last drop when the wound closed itself. My lips quitted her wound to kiss each one of her fingers and they trailed to her wrist, forearm, shoulder and neck before they claimed her earlobe.

« I suppose that means I can open my eyes now. » she said mockingly.

« Ha. » I whispered in her ear, my hands letting go of her palm to comb in her hair.

« Was that enough ? » she asked me.

« How should I know ? » I said, detaching myself from her to look in her eyes « did it hurt ? »

« Not really. » she said with a wide smile « I knew it ! If you don't wait for the pain, then you can keep full control. Maybe the other Rasetsu should take the medecine more often and not wait for a bloodlust episode... »

« Was I a part of some kind of experiment ? » I frowned.

« No. » she chuckled « how do you feel ? Is it better ? »

« I have no way to know for sure since it's nighttime already and I always feel better during these hours » I answered after thinking intensely « but I am not craving for more. »

« Great » she commented « See, it's not that terrible ! I'm healed already and you are better. »

« I suppose... » I muttered, not convinced.

She came closer and her hands wandered on my uniform. I didn't have my coat and my boots on but it seemed like she was still finding it attractive. Her lips came to claim mines and I let her. Even when I... nourished myself, the Rasetsu in me didn't have any troublesome thoughts. It was my turn now to make an experiment.

« Hajime... » she whispered in a voice filled with lust and desire « I want you. »

« You really have strange fetishes » I answered while she was unbuttoning my waistcoat « If pourring your blood arouses you. »

« Shut up. » she sighed angrily before kissing me once more, this time with more urge.

I replied instantly, making my mouth work on hers as my fingers were combing in her hair again. I was careful with my every movements, as if I was taking her virginity again but I was so afraid that I may hurt her that I couldn't help myself. My fingers left her hair to draw her neckline until they got to her chin, lifting it a bit to deepen my kiss. I wanted her so badly but I had to restrain myself. Control was my own number one priority. She parted from the kiss with a smile, unbuttoning the last button and plunging her chestnut eyes in mines with a lot a compassion.

« Is it okay ? » she asked, getting rid of my waistcoat and neck cloth.

I nodded. In the end, it didn't feel like when I took her virginity but more like when I lost mine, back a Shieikan Hall. It was with a woman payed for me by the other boys when they discovered I was still a virgin. I remembered how considerate the prostitute was, probably briefed by the others about my shyness and inexperience. Back then, I didn't know where to put my hands, my lips, and she guided me with a lot of compassion just like my wife was now trying to reassure me. I never thought I'd feel this way again.

« Would it reassure you if I tell you that if your hair turn white, I'll scream before you could harm me ? »

« Not really... » I muttered, imagining my shame if a captain were to barge in the tent to find a butt-naked Rasetsu.

I pulled on the ties of her hakama, her obi, her kimono, reveling her pale silky skin that I couldn't wait to have against me. She unbuttoned my shirt and my trousers, even my underwear, and sighed when she realized how long it took. She was already naked since minutes before I ended up completely unbuttoned which made me chuckle a little.

« You were right... » she muttered angrily « this uniform is awful. »

« Told you. » I smiled, getting rid of my trousers and underwear while she was brushing my shirt off my shoulders.

She pushed me on the futon and came atop me, showering my face and neck with kisses while her hands were caressing my chest. My breath became sharper under her touch.

« Still okay ? » she asked.

« H...Ha... » I managed to answer and she surprised me by grabbing my manhood with one of her hand « Chi... Chizuru ! »

« Shhh... » she whispered in my ear before licking my earlobe and all my shell, biting a little.

Her hand began stroking my manhood, up and down, slowly, on all the length of it. My sharp breaths turned into panting and one or two groans escaped my lips.

« And now ? » she asked again, kissing my jawline.

« It's... fine... » I answered.

« Only fine ? » she faked a pout, intensifying her mouvements with more amplitude.

« I meant the... control » I panted « You are... more than fine... obviously... »

« Then I guess it's perfectly safe » she smiled, victorious.

And with these words, she slid my manhood inside her which made me gasp, not expecting her to sheath me this soon. My hands came naturally on her hips to accompany her movements and mine lifted themselves too. It was slow at first and the memory of Mika crossed my mind but I threw that thought away as soon as it popped in my head. Chizuru wasn't at all moving in the same way, it was less... wavy... more rough... Yet, it was amazing. Her pace increased, encouraged by mine. I was unable to let her control everything and she didn't mind. She bent over to lie on my chest and kissed me, still moving her hips at the same time I was moving mines. Her arms draped my neck and I was swallowing each of her moans. We couldn't forget that we were in a military camp. It wouldn't be respectful to the other warriors if we were to make them realize that we were having a good time while they were far from any female presence.

« Still fine ? » she asked in my ear, playfully.

I didn't answer, savoring all the sensations I was getting from our embrace and she chuckled, slowly righting herself to look at my face with a grin. I had no doubt my face was a reflection of awe and abandon.

« Don't force me to erase that condescending smug smile off your face. » I threatened, not enjoying to be mocked.

« I'm scared... » she replied, faking terror « help me, please, the mad Rasetsu is gonna attack me... »

Anxious, I stopped moving and brought a strand of my bangs in front of my eyes to check the color of my hair but it was raven like. I frowned to mark my disapproval of this pleasantry.

« That wasn't amusing. » I said, totally off the mood now.

« Sorry » she chuckled « I couldn't resist. »

« Is that so... » I muttered.

That deserved to make her quit her stupid smile. My hips started moving again as my mouth claimed her lips once more, knowing that I would have to muffle her moans. One of my hands left her hips to venture near the junction of our bodies where her most sensitive spot was. Her groans intensified, muffled by my lips. She wanted to escape my grip to breath better but my second hand came pushing on the back of her head, trapping her. I kept swallowing each of her cries of pleasure until I felt her body stiffen and her silent orgasm. Her entire body became numb on me as I released her and continued thrusting a few seconds to join her state of extasy. Thanks to her bad joke, I had been able to last more than expected and make her orgasm first.

She stayed laying on me and I didn't mind, nesting my nose in her hair and circling her naked body with my arms. I couldn't help but inspect a bit her skin, at least what I could see without disturbing her. It was immaculate, free from any bruises or wounds. I kept the control. I sighed in relief, holding her even tighter. She saved me... With her blood but saved me nonetheless. Maybe I should listen to her more often. She indeed was stubborn but she was right to be most of the time.

« Chizuru... » I started but I noticed she was already asleep.

I heard a small snore and smiled. I didn't dare to move and just stayed still, letting her rest on my chest. Tomorrow... Tomorrow we could all die. She deserved a bit of peace before the hellfire. To my surprise, and even if it was nighttime, I felt the tiredness take me as well.


	44. Brothers

In the morning, I dressed myself quickly and headed out. The spring sun was warm above my head and the pain was absent, replaced once more by the discomfort. I had been able to rest at night effectively and I was feeling amazing again. Since I was one of the first up, I went to help some of the men with the rice porridge that would be the breakfast of the day. That done, I found a spot a bit further where I could practice my moves. The sun wasn't troubling me, almost as if I was back to being a human. I repeated all my basic cuts and a few more movements before the camp started to be too busy for me to practice in calm. Everyone was waking up, moving like a beehive and I sensed that something was wrong.

« What's happening ? » I asked, getting closer.

« There's an imperialist patrol nearby, they're getting closer to the camp. » said a soldier « Harada-Kumichô went to intercept them. »

I nodded and spotted Nagakura in the distance. I went to him to get a full understanding of the situation.

« Man, Saito » he sighed « Sano took some men to stop some scouts but honestly, we're screwed. »

« How so ? » I asked.

« Two third of our men fled during the night and the men waking up are starting to notice that their comrades are gone. Two hundred missing men... Fuck man, we're so screwed... And Kondou won't listen. He's ready to attack anyway. »

_One against ten with soldiers who never held a gun before ? What on earth is Kondou-san thinking ?!_

At that moment, we noticed Harada running our way and yelling.

« Everyone gets ready to defend their lives ! » he shouted « the enemy is here ! »

He stopped barking when he arrived near us and Hijikata-san and Kondou-san also joined.

« What happened, Sano ? » asked the vice-commander.

« It wasn't a patrol of scouts, it was a decoy. » he said « the whole army is coming our way. There is about a hundred who will be on on our position in minutes and the big of their forces in about one hour I think. I counted three thousand men. »

_One against thirty..._

We stayed silent, all the eyes on Kondou-san, waiting for his orders which we hoped would be reasonable ones. He looked at the camp, us, clenched his fists, gritted his teeths... Eventually he sighed when the first lines of enemy soldiers were appearing on on the horizon.

« Sound the retreat. » he said and we all felt a bit relieved that he finally decided to make a wise decision at last.

« About time ! » said Nagakura with a smile before yelling « everyone retreat ! Second division, with me ! Let's gain some time for our comrades ! »

« Tenth division ! » yelled Harada with a wink at Nagakura « Let's assist them ! No way they fight alone ! »

« Saito. » said Hijikata-san « you know what to do. »

« Understood. » I nodded, gritting my teeth because of my lack of division and my inability to help my fellow captains.

I ran back to the tent and found Chizuru dressing up.

« Quick, we have no time. » I said, grabbing her kodachi and Kazama's katana « leave the rest. »

« I know, I heard. » she replied, finishing to tie her hakama.

Outside, I was starting to hear the clatter of the swords and the gunshots and I grabbed Chizuru's hand. She took the swords from me and put them in her obi. We get out the tent to find already chaos around us and I ran, not letting go of her hand, to get cover in the forest.

« Where are we going ? » she yelled.

« We are retreating to Edo. » I answered without slowing my pace « Hijikata-san ordered me to make you escape. »

« But... If there are wounded soldiers... » she panted.

« The imperialists are three thousands. We are only a hundred. This isn't a battlefield, its a graveyard. » I stated « There will be no wounded. »

She opened wide eyes in horror and I deciphered that she was worried about our friends.

« They'll be safe. » I told her even if I had no guarantee « keep running. »

She followed me through the woods, clenching to my hand but I could feel that she was getting more and more exhausted, unable to cope with my speed. In the distance, I wasn't hearing any blades clashes anymore but just a few gunshots, far from our position. I slowed down, letting Chizuru catch her breath.

« Are you alright ? » I asked, concerned.

« Y...yeah... Just... a minute... please... » she panted with both hands on her knees.

I thought she was going to vomit. Her face was so pale and she had so much trouble breathing that it wouldn't have been surprising after such an effort so early in the morning and without a breakfast.

« We need to walk if you cannot run. » I told her « We can't stop here. »

« Okay... » she nodded and we started walking, following a trail.

We didn't walk long though before I heard footsteps. We hid but were surrounded by a dozen men, probably a scout patrol who was going after our retreating men. They spotted us quite easily and got closer, pointing their swords at us. At least, they weren't rifflemen, a dozen swordsmen should be easy to get rid of. I recognized a familiar face on one of them, although I've seen him more often in a blue haori than in a black imperial uniform.

« Keisuke. » I saluted my former unit member.

« Saito-Kumichô... » he replied, not believing his eyes.

Keisuke was the only man of my unit who followed me when I left to be a Guardian. I always thought he died at Aburanokōji and seeing him well was satisfying even if we were now on opposite sides.

« Well, that's a surprise ! » I heard in a familiar voice « Saito Hajime and Hijikata's little slut ! »

This presence was a lot less satisfactory. Miki Saburo, Ito's little brother, took a step out of the rank to come closer, a grin on his face.

« Miki. » I replied without bowing.

I wasn't keen on fighting, especially alone and with Chizuru to keep safe, but if I did have to fight, then I was happy that Miki was the one on my way. We had unfinished business together. I hadn't forget his disrespect towards Hijikata-san, Chizuru and the assassination attempts against my person.

« You ran back to the Shinsengumi with your tail between your legs like an obedient dog as soon as my brother was dead. » he smiled « how pathetic. »

« I believe you are mistaken. » I stated « I never followed your brother in the first place. My loyalty never faltered. »

« Then you are the one who made them kill my brother... » he gritted his teeth « Kashitarou could have had a high position in the new government... He was skilled... And you decided that he had to die. »

I didn't answer and put my hand on the hilt of my sword, waiting for him to come at me.

« And now... You're all alone, far from your army and fleeing to protect Hijikata's precious whore. » he chuckled.

« Again, you are mistaken » I replied in my toneless voice « This is my wife and she has never been the vice-commander's. »

I knew there was no point in telling him this, especially since he was soon to be a dead man. Yet, I couldn't stop myself from correcting him and protect Chizuru's honor. No one would ever treat her like a whore again and get away with it. No one.

« Is that so ? » he laughed « man, did you fool everyone with that stupid puppet face of yours ! I never trusted you from the start. »

« That makes both of us. » I replied « now are you gonna let us pass or should I end your life, Miki ? »

He grinned and unsheathed his sword. Alright then. If he wanted a fight, he'd have a fight. I kept my guard up but my sword sheathed, unfazed. I would come at him with a iai technique, ending the battle even before it could start. Miki was a talented swordsman and I respected his skills. Unfortunately for him, I used to train with Nagakura and Souji and I also beat Kazama. He was no match for me despite his confidence. I saw Keisuke stiffen. He knew, him, what was awaiting his superior.

Miki leaped forward with a blow aiming at my abdomen and I evaded it, unsheathing in the same movement to cut deep in his flank. He didn't dodge it. There was no way he could have dodge it. He fell on his knees with a grunt and I slit his throat without a second thought. A year ago, I would probably have made him suffer more and enjoyed it but water had flown under the bridge. Miki meant nothing to me now, killing him was unsavory.

I turned to the other swordsmen and they attacked me all at once. Well, nearly all at once. To their surprise, I wasn't fighting alone and Keisuke began cutting open his imperialists comrades, fighting by my side. In no time, the both of us had only corpses at our feet and Keisuke took a step back to throw himself on the ground.

« Kumichô ! » he yelled « I made a terrible mistake when I left ! Please allow me to serve under your command once more ! »

I thought for a second. Keisuke did follow me to the Guardians because of his political beliefs. He was an imperialist. Yet, during my time with Ito, he never tried to kill me or betray me. He wasn't a traitor.

« Keisuke » I said « Tetsuya's dead, Nobuo's dead, Katsunoshin is dead... Everyone is dead and there is no more third division. »

« Then allow me to be a part of its rebirth. » he said firmly, lifting his gaze off the ground.

I lend him a hand and he stood up. I bowed to him genuinely and that seemed to unsettle him.

« It will be Hijikata-san and Kondou-san's decision, Keisuke. » I told him « But if you are ready to face these men, then I allow you to accompany us. »

« Thank you, Kumichô ! » he bowed frenetically « and Yukimura-kun ! »

« Saito-sensei. » I corrected.

« Alright ! » he nodded, confused « Pardon me, Saito-sensei ! »

« It's okay, Keisuke. » she smiled « I'm happy to see you well. »

He kept apologizing and bowing frenetically but we had no time for this. I started walking again with Chizuru, Keisuke following us. I got closer to my wife and whispered in her ear.

« I know you probably think you know that man » I said in a low voice « but we can't deny the possibility that his intentions aren't honorable. Keep your guard up, your mouth shut and your swords close. »

« Understood. » she nodded.

I had no doubt she'd do as I said. She was smart and would watch her mouth. As for the rest, if Keisuke tried to harm her, I would show him how deep the gap was between our swordsmanship skills.

**Author note : I'm feeling a bit down recently. I lost a lot (a lot) of readers because of the chapter « Sin » which I agree was a very difficult one. I decided to add a trigger warning at the beginning. I totally forgot it and I'm sorry if it offended some people. Just so you know, I'm not a fan of non-con and I'm not planning to put more in this story. I needed Hajime to touch the bottom otherwise, with his stubbornness, he would never had listened to Chizuru. **

**If you are still reading and want me to continue, please let me know because I'm really lacking motivation right now with all the readers I lost. I know where I want to bring this story (and there is a lot of fluff incoming and angst too) but if there is no one to read, is there a point ? Not sure... I'm probably not going to post this weekend (I don't have any more chapters ready anyway) and think about the future of this fic. Have a nice weekend ! **


	45. Rasetsu

**Author note : this note is basically 3615 MYLIFE so feel free to pass. Thanks to the ones who gave me support. Guest and Gome, happy to see you're still there ! Thanks Kaylin15 for your super kind comment and welcome Tory Ah ! Glad you just discovered the fic and you read it so quickly ! Thank you to all of you ! Guest, I totally understand about getting caught up by real life, do not worry ! Actually, I already said that I'm writing so much because I'm stressed and that is because I'm going though a massive failure in my life, a failed attempt at creating something that got wrong and it's hard to accept. The chapter Sin made daily views drop from about 30~40 to 5~7. I write a lot to escape my failure and so I had trouble dealing with this too. It overwhelmed me a bit, LoL. I took some time off this weekend and I'm not planning on letting down this fic don't worry but I just needed to know if people were still interested especially the ones who really support me by commenting and telling me what they like/don't like. **

We were the first to join back Edo. Not that it was surprising, a small groupe like ours moved a lot quicker than armies. As soon as we arrived back at the inn, I led Keisuke to an empty room.

« Accept my apologies for treating you as a foe, Keisuke » I said « but until Hijikata-san and Kondou-san make a decision on your case, I have to keep you in custody. »

« I understand, Kumichô » he replied with a smile and a bow « I will await their judgment. »

I nodded and turned away, locking the room, before getting to the Rasetsu quarters where Chizuru was already working. She went there as soon as we got in the building, to check on Sannan's condition. When I entered the room, I sensed the atmosphere drop several degrees. I wasn't welcome there. Sannan still didn't know my Rasetsu nature but he knew I was hostile both to Rasetsu and his experiments. Chizuru looked very concerned about something and she faked a smile to adress me, as if I couldn't decipher the turmoil in her.

« Hajime, would you mind taking me back to Matsumoto-sensei's clinic ? » she asked.

« No. I'll take you. » I answered, knowing that if I refused, she'd go anyway, alone or with Sannan or Toudou « There is need for more medecine ? »

« Saito-kun, even if our opinions are very different, I think you should know something... » sighed Sannnan « I think we have an unregistered Rasetsu... »

Good. I already figured that out with the crime wave and the missing vial of Ochimizu but I was relieved that Sannan could speak to me about it. Maybe he wasn't trying to cover something up in the end.

« How so ? » I asked.

« I already told you I had a missing vial... » he continued, brows furrowed « and now, nearly half our stock of medecine has disappeared, stolen. Apart from a Rasetsu, no one can have any use for this medecine. »

« I see. » I nodded. That was indeed concerning.

« We are getting low on supplies and need Saito-sensei to help us again... » he continued « plus, apparently, she wants to make an experiment with daily doses of medecine instead of only taking them during bloodlust episodes. Toudou will be the subject of experiment. We are going to need higher quantities of her blood. »

« Sannan » objected Chizuru « I think you should be the priority subject. You're unwell. »

« I've been a Rasetsu for a long time, Saito-sensei » he smiled kindly « I know how to cope with it. Toudou seems a better choice. »

« But... » she started.

« There is no but. Toudou is starting to suffer more frequently. Don't you want to help him, Saito-sensei ? »

« I do... »

« Then it's settled. » he cut « to keep you in good condition, we have to try on one subject to be sure it's effective before generalizing the treatment. If the doses are daily, maybe we could dilute it more... »

« Yeah but dilution doesn't seem to be a very effective method. Maybe a mix of... »

I wasn't really listening. They went into their scientific studies and debates and that was a lot too foreign to me. The only thing that I understood clearly was that Chizuru was still going to be used as a milking cow for all these Rasetsu... but who was I to oppose ? I was drinking directly from her...

« Sannan » I asked « Is there some work for me here ? Shinsengumi work. »

« Not really... I don't know if you heard but Edo castle has been surrendered. »

I froze in place. They dared ? I knew that making us leave town to Kofu or whatever was a way for the higher ranked loyalists to get us out of the way but this ? Hijikata-san and Kondou-san spent hours and days meeting with officials in order to protect the Bakufu only for the shogunate to stab them in the back and send them to death while they surrender ?

« What about Lord Tokugawa Yoshinobu ? »

« Prisoner. » he replied « under house arrest in Kan'ei temple in Ueno. »

« Prisoner... » I repeated.

_The shogun. Prisoner. The Choshu and Satsuma in Edo castle..._

« They haven't started to hunt down loyalists yet, they have an agreement with Katsu-sama but my guess is that we're all going to be hunt down soon. Well you are. Us Rasetsu are already dead to them. They're not going to look for us. »

« Alright. » I nodded, getting my composure back « Chizuru, inform me when you want to go. I'll be in our room. »

« Okay ! » she smiled.

I stormed out and went to the room where I locked Keisuke. Doomed for doomed, I had to make an attempt at warning Hijikata-san of the danger of coming back to Edo and I had only one man under my command.

« Keisuke » I ordered « change of plan. If you want to prove your worth, it's now. »

« I'm ready, Kumichô ! » he bowed.

He followed me to my room and waited patiently for me to write a message to Hijikata-san. I wrote it in code to be sure that it'd be alright even if Keisuke decided to betray, and sealed it, drawing my kamon on it. Hijikata-san would know that these informations are correct even if an imperialist soldier are carrying them.

« You keep your uniform. » I told him, handing him the letter « it'll be easier to pass through enemy controls. »

« Thank you for your trust, Kumichô. » he bowed « I'll deliver the message. »

I nodded and he went off. I hoped I wasn't making any mistake by giving this task to him. I quitted my desk, hoping to rest a little before getting to the Matsumoto clinic with Chizuru but Toudou interrupted me.

« Saito » he asked « would you mind if I speak with you for a second ? »

« No. » I replied « come in. »

Toudou got in and sat in front of me on the tatami.

« I'm sorry to bother you when you just came back but since you are the only high ranked here appart from the Rasetsu, I think I really needed to talk to you even if you are not the commander. »

« What is it, Toudou ? » I asked.

« It's Sannan. » he said « I think he's the one killing people. »


	46. Murders

« What do you mean ? » I asked, careful.

Toudou should better have some solid arguments to accuse Sannan. Plus, with this statement, I was starting to feel very anxious at the idea that Chizuru was currently alone with the colonel.

« Since everyone is gone, Sannan is even stranger than before... He goes out alone and I've been following him sometimes. I never saw him actually kill someone but the murders got more numerous since the Rasetsu are alone here... And I don't know, he's clearly hiding something... »

« Do you have any idea what he could be hiding ? » I asked.

« No... But each time I followed him, I saw he was... meeting with women. »

« In Yoshiwara ? » I asked, surprised.

Sannan wasn't really known for his love of women. He was sometimes going to Shimabara in Kyoto like the rest of us but a lot less often than others, even myself. Going to see prostitutes or oirans on a regular basis wasn't really a behavior you'd expect from Sannan.

« No. » answered Toudou, shaking his head « he's meeting with them in the streets or in tea shops... They don't look like prostitutes or geisha but still, it's strange. »

« How many women ? » I frowned.

« Always one at the time when I witnessed it, but always a different one. » he scratched his head, uneasy « they don't... do anything... they just talk and smile and... That's just not Sannan... »

I nodded. Sannan's behavior indeed was unsettling but he still was a man and sometimes, even the most serious of us needed to let out some steam and be in the presence of the other gender. Especially when living in high proximity with only men and a single untouchable woman. His Rasetsu nature shouldn't help either. I saw how easily I could loose control during intercourses. Sannan, who couldn't rely on Chizuru's blood, was probably having the same instincts.

« The victims of murder » I asked Toudou « are they female ? »

« No » he said « not all of them... and they aren't the women Sannan meet. »

« Then I do not understand what links his behavior to the murders » I said calmly.

« It's just something I can sense... a hunch if you want. The only things I can say for sure is that there are more murders and that Sannan is meeting strange women at nighttime. »

« Alright. » I nodded « I will keep that in mind and talk about it to the commanders when they return. »

« Thank you, Saito. » he smiled « I'm glad you listened to me. »

« Hajime ? » I heard behind the shoji « are you ready to take me to the clinic ? »

« Ha. » I answered, standing up « Do you need something else, Toudou ? »

« No, it's fine. » he answered, getting up as well.

« You did a good job. » I praised him, knowing that Toudou lacked confidence and could use a bit of compliments « Keep an eye on Sannan, would you ? »

« Yes ! Saito, count on me ! » he bowed as if I was the commander or something. He didn't need to... We were equals.

I slid the shoji and Chizuru's eyes lit when she saw Toudou.

« Hi, Heisuke ! » she said joyfully « how are you feeling ? »

« Fine, Chizuru-chan. » he smiled in return « no problem ! »

« Good ! » she nodded « I'll come and see you a bit later, your treatment is going to change a little. I'll explain everything to you. Shall we go, Hajime ? »

I nodded too and we headed out, to the Matsumoto clinic. Chizuru followed the physician to get her vials and I went to Souji's room to find it filled with paper cranes like his room in Osaka. Haruhi really took the matter at heart.

« Otousan ! » she yelled, throwing herself in my arms.

« Haruhi, I'm back. » I replied with a small smile, closing my arms on her.

Souji stood up, chuckling and crossed his arms.

« How's Kondou ? » he asked bluntly.

« I'm afraid I don't know. » I said genuinely « Chizuru and I arrived before the rest after our retreat from Kofu. »

« Have you heard about Edojo and the shogun ? » he asked

« Sannan briefed me. » I nodded « You seem well. »

« Oh you know how it is » he waved his hand « it comes and goes. Perfectly fine some days and dying the day after. »

« Souji ! » scolded Haruhi « that word is forbidden ! »

« Which word ? » I asked confused. Souji didn't curse...

« Dying. » he chuckled « Haruhi decided that I couldn't say it. »

« Yeah ! I'm making a lot of paper cranes to save you and it seems like you just enjoy to weaken their power ! » she pouted.

I smiled sadly and so did Souji. Maybe we should tell her that paper cranes didn't have any real magical powers... Souji had an incurable disease. Paper cranes wouldn't do anything about it.

« Hey Otousan, you want to see my progresses ?! » said Haruhi, changing the subject « I'm not hurt anymore and I'm training hard ! »

« Are you also diligent with your other lessons ? » I asked.

« Yeah » she nodded vigorously « I can read a lot now and I also learned history and maths. »

« Maths ? » I repeated « with Souji ? »

« Yeah » he chuckled « Look ! Hey Haruhi, Five imperialists want to hurt Kondou-san. How many are they left after I unsheathe my sword ? »

« Zero ! » she laughed.

I escaped a small laugh as well. Not sure it could be called maths though. I should have anticipated Souji's particular sense of humour.

« If these are maths lessons, I'm starting to wonder what's the content of your history courses. » I said.

« I'm messing with you » replied Souji with a smirk « her lessons are by Matsumoto-sensei, not me. I'm only her teacher in kenjutsu. »

« Isn't it difficult without a sword ? » I asked, remembering that Souji told me he couldn't lift his sword anymore.

The both of them exchanged a look and I wondered if I hadn't say something I shouldn't have.

« We manage. » nodded Souji and I didn't push the subject.

« Saito-kun » said Matsumoto-sensei behind the shoji « your wife is ready to go. »

« Alright. » I replied, standing up.

« Chizuru-neechan isn't coming here ? » asked Haruhi.

« She's... Tired... She has trouble standing and walking. » replied Matsumoto-sensei.

That was enough for me. I slid the shoji opened and looked at the doctor witn icy eyes.

« Anemia ? » I asked.

« Exactly. » he nodded « She wanted me to take more than her body actually could give. The blood will produce itself again but she'll feel dizzy for a few hours. And in her condition, you should take her back so she could rest efficiently. »

« Understood. » I nodded.

« Why does Chizuru-neechan want to take away her blood ? » asked Haruhi.

« It's nothing. » I told her.

« Is her blood ill ? » she asked, clenching desperately to my kimono « is it poisoned ? Is Chizuru gonna die ?! »

« No. » I sighed « it's to make medecine. »

« Medecine ? » she asked, confused.

She knew what Rasetsu were. She knew I was one and she was good enough at keeping secrets for not telling anyone. I decided to tell her the truth.

« The medecine for the Rasetsu. » I explained « Chizuru's blood is the main ingredient. »

« Her blood... » she repeated « isn't it dangerous for her ? »

« No. » I smiled to reassure her even if I wasn't convinced myself « you heard the doctor, she's just tired and the missing blood will produce itself. There is no danger. »

« They use blood... » she thought intensely « for the medecine... »

I didn't answer. I already told her too much. I crouched and took her in my arms to tell her goodbye.

« You keep the secret. » I told her.

« I promise. » she nodded and I reported my gaze on Souji.

« I'll be a tomb. » he chuckled.

« Souji ! » scolded Haruhi but I couldn't help but smirk at his dark humour.

I went in the entrance of the clinic to find Chizuru smiling at me with a bag filled with little crimson glass vials.

« Can you walk ? » I asked.

« I think you'll need to help me. » she admitted.

I took her bag in one hand and lifted her up to carry her princess style.

« I asked for a support, not this. » she frowned.

« It's easier for both of us » I stated « I can walk at my speed without you being a bother and take you back quicker. »

« It's the first time you call me a bother... » she pouted.

« Not a bother » I corrected « since I'm carrying you. But as long as you're going to stay stubborn and make decisions that take a heavy toll on your body, you will need me. »

« I will always need you » she said with a tender smile « even if one day I become wiser. »

« I can't wait for that day to come. » I replied with the same smile.

« Just kiss already ! » yelled Souji in the background which immediately caused Haruhi to chuckle.

I didn't answer and thanked Matsumoto-sensei before heading out, taking Chizuru back to the inn. I carried her to our room and made her lay on the futon. She fell asleep nearly immediately and I carried the vials to Sannan for his experiments to show him my good faith before getting back to her. I laid next to her and felt the tiredness taking me. I hoped Keisuke could find Kondou-san and Hijikata-san in time.


	47. Sleeves

Since there was no work for me and that my only job was to wait for further orders, I listened to Chizuru and slept more during the day. I didn't want to have a schedule completely different from hers though so she accepted to wake me up around noon so we could spend at least afternoon and evening together. With all the work I had recently and the march to Kofu, that felt like a little vacation even if I knew it would only last a day or maybe two until the others were back. Yet, I was happy to have the opportunity to be with her and take some time off for her.

« It's breakfast time. » I heard in my ear, waking up.

I opened my eyes to find Chizuru's face inches from mine with sparkling eyes. I smiled. I wouldn't mind to be woken up to the sight of her face every day. I looked by the window and saw the sun already very high in the sky.

« You mean lunchtime. » I said.

« Call it the way you want » she chuckled « just get up. »

I sat up as she said and she sat up too. She took a needle and pierced her finger under my surprised gaze.

« I feel totally fine. » I said, turning my head away.

« And I don't care. » she replied firmly « you take this, it's only a needle and I want to see if daily little doses can actually make things better. »

« I don't enjoy to be the subject of your experiments... » I muttered.

« Again, I don't care. » she said, putting her finger on my lips.

I closed my lips on her little bead of blood and sucked a bit but the wound was already sealed. The taste was the same than the one in Kofu and that was funny because the first time I drank her blood, she tasted like Kaoru. I wondered if her blood taste could change with the things she eat... I let go of her finger and got up, dressing myself.

« Was that enough ? » she asked.

« I told you I feel fine. » I answered, putting my shirt on « what's actually for lunch ? »

« Rice, grilled fish and a tofu miso soup. » she said with a smile.

« That does sound better. » I smiled in return.

I put on my waistcoat and trousers but left my coat in our room. April was nearly there and the weather was a lot better. The cherry tree were blossoming everywhere and we were lucky enough to have one in the courtyard of the inn, permitting us to witness that gorgeous scenery through our room's window. We ate lunch together downstairs in the common room and ordered two teas afterwards. I proposed to Chizuru to drink it outside in the courtyard and we sat together on a bench, looking at the cherry tree. Chizuru was the first to speak.

« It's beautiful... » she said peacefully « but it brings back sad memories. »

« Does it ? » I asked.

« Yeah... » she explained « It reminds me of the day you left with Ito. »

_Oh yeah... That day... _

« I'm sorry. » I said, keeping my eyes on the cherry tree.

« Don't be » she smiled « It was a direct order and you had no choice. What matters is that you're here now. »

« If it makes things better, I have something totally different that comes to mind when I look at cherry trees. » I said, sipping my tee « I hear you sing. »

« That was long ago ! » she blushed.

« Maybe. » I smirked « but I treasure that memory. »

« I'm not going to sing, Hajime. » she said playfully.

« A pity. » I replied on the same tone « you are talented. »

We stayed silent a few minutes, sipping our tea until I could see that Chizuru was uneasy. There was something on her mind that was trying to escape her lips and I was dying to know what.

« What are you thinking ? » I asked.

« Nothing in particular. » she blushed red.

« Have I told you already how bad of a liar you are ? » I escaped a small laugh.

« Memories. » she replied. « I'm thinking about memories. »

« Which memories ? » I asked.

« The duel, the tea shop, the iai courses, the castellas, our kiss in Gion, that day in the alley when I was a maiko, the bathroom, the day Kondou-san asked me if I'll marry you » she started crying « sorry, I'm getting emotional... Our wedding was the best day of my life... »

« Yet. » I said, taking her in my arms.

« What ? » she asked, still sobbing.

« The best day of your life yet. » I said, carressing her cheek « I intent to make you have even better ones. »

She chuckled and rested her head on my shoulders. Her sobs calmed little by little. She had been on edge lately but I was glad that she broke down with tears of joy and happy memories instead of sorrowful ones like the day I died under Kazama's blade or the day she had fever. She stayed silent for minutes and I put the two finished cups of tea on the side.

« My wedding attire » she asked bluntly « it's gone, isn't it ? »

« I suppose » I answered « it probably burned in the Fushimi magistrate's office. »

She nodded and I could see disappointment and regret on her face. To be fair, I was feeling the same thing. She was so beautiful that day in her purple uchikake... That memory was carved in my heart and brain.

We stayed silent again, lost in the memories of our wedding. For me too, it was the best day of my life, yet. The day she finally belonged to me without the necessity of hiding...

« It's too bad it burned » she said bluntly again « I think I would have needed the sleeves. »

The gears in my head started working and my mouth fell agap uncontrollably. Was she really implying what I thought she was implying ?

« Chizuru, you... » I managed to say « What ? Is it.. Do you mean... »

« I mean that the cherry trees aren't the only ones blossoming. » she replied with a shy smile.

My gaze dropped to her belly as if I could already see the life inside it. Trembling, my hand followed and I landed it on her abdomen, just bellow her yellow obi. There... There was... Really ? In here ?

« How can you already know ? » I asked with mixed feelings of awe and confusion. « Since... Kofu ? »

« Actually a bit earlier than that... » she muttered and I understood.

« That day ? » I asked.

She nodded and suddenly everything was starting to make sense. Her tiredness for weeks, her trouble eating in the morning, the way I could sense she was lying and hiding something... and even the changed taste of her blood. She was... She was...

« Pregnant... » I whispered.

« I was suspicious so I had it checked by Matsumoto-sensei yesterday. I'm three weeks pregnant. » she explained.

« Pregnant... » I repeated again.

I stayed silent, trying to process that information. If everything went well this time, I was going to be a ... father ? I was already a father, I had Haruhi but... A father... A child of my blood... Of her blood... I held my head with my palm, sensing a violent headache.

« Hajime... Are you pleased ? » she asked, confused.

I laughed uncontrollably, my head still inside my palm and turned to her to hold her in my arms and shower her face with kisses.

« This is the best day of my life, yet. » I answered, still laughing.

She chuckled and closed her arms on me. Some tears started flowing from her eyes and we stayed that way stupidly, holding each other, me laughing, she crying... Anyone coming our way would probably think we were insane but I didn't care. She was pregnant. I was feeling confused and anxious but drowning in a ocean of happiness at the same time. I had a myriad of questions and anguish. What to do ? How to help ? How to make it live this time ? How to be a father ? Oh shit... I was going to be a father...

I detached myself from her and kissed her lips, salty from her tears.

« I love you... » I whispered, kissing her again.

« Hey, lovebirds. » I heard « when you're finished sucking each other's face, maybe you can help us ? »

I turned over to see Harada and Nagakura in the entrance of the compound with wide grins. Chizuru chuckled and I stood up to help my friends.

**Author note : About the sleeves.**

**In case you are confused, here's a little explaination ! In traditional japanese weddings, the bride usually wears a furisode (with very long sleeves) that are usually worn only by little girls and unmarried young women. After the wedding, the wife cut the sleeves of her wedding kimono and she can keep it and wear it again but with sleeves of a length suitable for a married woman. The sleeves are kept and it is customary to use this fabric to make baby clothes with it for her first born. **

**That's why Hajime makes the link sleeves = baby so easily. **


	48. Sake

« Are you alone ? » I asked the both of them, taking some bags.

« Yeah, your warrior reached us. Hijikata should join shortly I guess, as soon as he and Kondou have decided what to do with the army since Edo seems a compromised destination » replied Harada « what's happening to Chizuru-chan ? »

I looked at Chizuru who was wiping the tears off her eyes and asked a silent question with my eyes.

_« Should I tell them ? Isn't it too soon ? »_

She smiled and nodded and I turned back to the captains with, I suppose, a blushing red face.

« There is a probability of occurrence that we might expand our family in a few months. » I muttered in embarrassment even if I had no reason to feel embarrassed.

« That's a roundabout way to announce us the news ! » laughed Harada « That's wonderful, Chizuru-chan ! »

« It's... still super fresh so anything can happen, really... » she answered shyly « so... if you could keep quiet about it ? »

Nagakura who kept silent let out a long sigh before addressing us.

« Man.. » he said « I feel like I've been told someone fucked my sister... »

« She's my wife. » I frowned.

« Yeah, yeah... » he replied « just give me a minute to realize that she does have... women attributes... »

« Is Saito the father, Chizuru-chan ? » asked Harada playfully.

« Of... Of course ! » she stuttered, looking at me with a red flustered face.

« See, Shinpachi » he said with eyes closed and a hand on his chin « that leaves me even more confused. I never doubted Chizuru-chan was indeed a woman but it seems like Saito has men attributes after all... »

I dropped his bags at his feet with an inexpressive face. If he wanted these things inside the inn, he'll have to carry them himself.

« Oh, come on, chill out ! » laughed Nagakura « Sano's messing with you ! But I agree, there is only one sentence acceptable in these kind of circumstances and that sentence is ? »

« Congratulations ? » tried Chizuru.

« No ! Lets. Get. Wasted ! » he grinned.

« You do realize we're in the middle of the afternoon, right ? » I asked.

« More time to drink ! » he grinned « Come on, Chizuru-chan ! That's a one in a lifetime opportunity ! »

« I... don't know... » she stuttered « I feel tired... »

« Okay, then... Wait a minute... »

He started digging in his bag and got out a bottle of sake, holding it high like it was some kind of prize.

« Let's drink here and when that bottle's empty, you can go to sleep and we are kidnapping your husband to celebrate. » he said triumphantly.

« If she's tired, she needs to rest. » I said firmly.

No way I would let her ignore her body's messages. Last time, she hid her pregnancy to everyone and kept working hard until she lost it. I wouldn't let that happen on my watch. There was already a protective instinct awakening in me towards Chizuru and the little one.

« Just a cup ! » pleaded Nagakura « come on ! Can't we just celebrate properly ?! »

I looked at Chizuru and she chuckled, nodding.

« Okay, let's celebrate. » she agreed.

« Ah ! Happy to see that there is at least one reasonable Saito here ! » he winked « Let's go ! Thanks for carrying my bags, Sano ! »

« Hey, wait ! » frowned Harada « Why am I carrying your bags ?!

« Too late, I'm already gone ! » he yelled, taking Chizuru on his shoulder like she was a rice bag or something.

« Nagakura ! » I shouted « let her down ! »

I was anxious that carrying her like that could actually hurt the baby but Chizuru was just laughing and I watched, mouth agap, that idiot take her inside the inn. So long for our peaceful afternoon...

« Hey, Saito » said Harada with an uncomfortable smile « I'm sorry for what I said about your virility okay ? Mind giving me a hand ? »

I just sent him an icy glare and left him there. I had no time to waste with him, Chizuru was alone with Nagakura and that idiot was totally unconsiderate of her condition. I entered the inn to find him sitting at a table in front of her, handing her a cup of sake with a wide smile.

« Saito, come join us you bastard ! » he yelled « You need to drink with us ! »

I sat with them and got a cup served as well. Nagakura held his in the air and looked into Chizuru's eyes.

« To health and luck ! May you have a tiny but strong warrior ! » he said solemnly.

« What if it's a girl ? And why tiny ? » chuckled Chizuru.

« Well if Saito's really the father, I can't wish for a tall one, can I ? Umph ! »

I landed my elbow in his stomach with all my strength. They already ruined my peaceful afternoon, they didn't need to insult me on top of that. Chizuru just laughed some more and raised her cup.

« Kampai ! » she said « to health and luck ! »

« Kampai ! » we repeated and the three of us emptied our cups, immediately filled back by Nagakura.

« I think one cup is enough for Chizuru. » I stated « she's tired. »

« Oh come on ! » complained Nagakura « she's celebrating ! »

« Hey Shin ! » said Harada, joining us now that all the bags were in « give me a cup. »

« Take Chizuru's. » I said in an attempt to stop them.

« You mean I cannot have a toast with the Princess ? » he said with a hand on his chest, faking to be shocked.

« It's okay, Hajime. » she said with a smile « I'll go take a nap when you all leave. »

« I do not intend to leave. » I said firmly.

« Man, we never asked you to consent. You're a possible futur dad, you're not getting back to your wife before morning, I can guarantee it. » said Nagakura.

« I promise we'll give him back to you in one piece, Chizuru-chan. » winked Harada and I sighed.

I knew resisting them would only make their will stronger. Fine. I'll go with them but I'll be back long before morning and no way they get me to do stupid stuff like get into a prostitution house. I'll stick to sake.

« Alright but you know that you don't have a high tolerance to alcohol » I said calmly « Don't drink too much. »

Before long, the four of us had finished the sake and Chizuru got back to our room for her nap. I wanted so badly to join her and talk with her. I had so many questions... Maybe I should step by Matsumoto-sensei's clinic to get advices... Normally, as a man, I shouldn't have to bother since my mother or my sister should have taken care of her and assist her in every way. But I was a ronin, a drifter without any family anymore and she had no one else either. We were living with only men and so, I had to do something if we couldn't have a midwife as customary. Maybe Chizuru should leave here and stay with Matsumoto-sensei ? She'd probably be mad at me for mentioning it... And technically, she was a doctor as well now so... Maybe she could take care of herself ? So many questions... and yet, instead of asking them, I was in Yoshiwara already, drinking sake in an oiran house with Nagakura and Harada. I liked them, that wasn't the problem, I just wanted to be with my wife. Was she okay ? Could she get ill from the sake ? Could it kill the baby if she got drunk or hungover ? I should go back...

« Saito » said Harada with a kind smile « can you stop wiggling ? You're giving me a headache. »

« I think your sake consumption has more to do with your headache than my behavior. » I replied calmly.

He sighed and I saw in his eyes that there was another reason for us to be here.

« What is it ? » I asked.

« Shinpachi and I are leaving. » he said bluntly and I wasn't prepared for it.

« Leaving ? » I asked, believing that maybe I misheard.

« Yeah » he nodded « It's... We just can't follow Kondou-san anymore. It's time for us to part ways. »

« All this Kofu bullshit just was too much for us... » added Nagakura « We can't take it anymore. I was born a samurai, like you, and I quitted to be a ronin. I never wanted to serve a daimyo, I never wanted to be obedient. I wanted to make my own decisions and fight for what I choose to believe in. Now, that is becoming incompatible with Kondou's behavior. »

« I see... » I replied, sipping my sake « What are you going to do ? »

« We'll make our own corp and keep fighting for the shogunate. » explained Harada.

« That's right. » nodded Nagakura « and you should come with us. »

« No. » I shook my head.

« Saito, you must see that Kondou isn't the solution for you... » said Nagakura with a kind smile « and think about Chizuru... You're really going to follow Kondou into certain death and drag Chizuru and your unborn child with you ? »

« Staying here is the only way for me to accomplish my duty and reach my ambitions. » I explained.

« But what are those ambitions ? » asked Harada « What can't you accomplish except by following Kondou ? »

« It's a waste of a swordsman like you, Saito... » added Nagakura.

« I live to serve the Shinsengumi » I answered coldly « and I will do so. »

« Alright... » sighed Harada with a smile « told you he wouldn't come, Shinpachi. »

« Yeah, well that's too bad. » he muttered.

I stayed silent and drank my sake. This conversation was spreading doubt in my mind especially when they mentioned my wife and child. I wasn't a fool. I knew Kondou-san wasn't making the best decisions lately but my place still was at his side. Serving him was my only purpose. If I had to quit... Then what could possibly be my purpose in this changing world ?

We kept drinking most of the evening but I decided to head back long before morning, as I planned. They stayed in Yoshiwara for entertainment and alcohol and I got back alone. They needed to party after the disaster of Kofu and I could totally relate to that. I got back to the inn and found Chizuru sleeping peacefully. I laid next to her and kissed her forehead, wrapping my arms around her. I couldn't resist to put my hand on her belly. I couldn't sense life for the moment but knowing it was there had something intoxicating, plunging me in a state of both euphoria and anxiety.

_I won't drag you into death... Both of you... I promise. _


	49. Transfer

I woke up very early. To be fair, I didn't really wake up, I had just trouble sleeping most of the night. Chizuru was still asleep next to me, her little mouth agap in a silent O, her eyes closed and crazy strands of hair flowing in her face. Like every morning, I caught myself thinking about how cute she was. My little warrior...

I took away the hair hiding her face and put my forehead against hers, holding her in my arms. I loved these moments before getting up, before getting back to my duty, these moments were I wasn't a warrior but just a man, deeply in love.

« You stink alcohol... » I heard her groan in a low voice.

« Sorry. » I replied, making her roll so that she was facing the other way « Is it better ? »

« Hum... » she groaned again and I didn't know if it meant « yes », « no » or « shut up and let me sleep you moron. »

I nested my nose in her hair, trying to breath with it and keep my mouth shut so that she'd be less disturbed by my alcohol scent breath. I spooned her body and kept my arms around her. One of them couldn't resist but open her nagajuban and rest on her belly. I was completely drawn to it, like a moth to a flame.

« You can't already feel it, you know... » she muttered.

« I know. » I answered, caressing the soft skin of her stomach.

My exploration of her belly finished, my hand traveled to her breasts, carressing them gently too.

« Careful... » she said « they hurt a little... »

« They do ? » I asked, making only featherlike touches.

I had no experience. I didn't even know that it could hurt. I've never witnessed pregnancy from so close. My sister wasn't living with us when she fell pregnant and my mother... She had two other pregnancy after me but sent back the child as soon as it was born and as a boy, they told me nothing about it like they did with Katsu. My sister learned how to bear and raise children while I learned how to hold a sword. I never felt regret about not having this knowledge. I mean, it wasn't my business anyway, it was girls and women knowledge. I never felt like it was something I should worry about until now. Now, I was feeling totally helpless and I regretted that never once someone explained to me these kind of things.

Moving the hair off her neck, I started kissing the back of it while my fingers kept massaging her chest carefully and my hips came closer to hers.

« How come everytime you're hungover, you're so horny ? » she chuckled.

« You're the doctor. » I replied between two kisses « You tell me. »

She chuckled some more and the hand on her breast came cupping her womanhood without being intrusive.

« Do you wish me to stop ? » I asked, still kissing her neck « If you don't feel like it, you have every right to send me away even if I'm your husband. »

In response she pushed her backside against my hips and I made love to her slowly and tenderly, burying myself in her at the tempo of her small whimpers. It was so sweet... And particularly satisfying after a hangover. I let my hand wander on all the curves of her body, keeping my fingers featherlight so I wouldn't hurt her. She was so fragile and precious... When I reached extasy, I came kissing her shoulder, my fingers brushing on it.

« Good morning. » I whispered.

She didn't answer but snuggled against me and I held her from behind a few minutes before getting up.

« Where are you going ? » she asked, visibly disappointed.

« To the bathroom. » I answered, closing my nagajuban « and then, I'll make some tea. Do you want some ? »

I had to get rid of the stench of alcohol sweating out from all the pores of my skin and my breath. She really seemed to dislike it even more than before.

« No... » she yawned « maybe later. I'm going to sleep a bit more since no one needs my help for anything today. »

« Alright. » I nodded, picking up my clothes « I'll see you later then. If you need anything, just ask. »

« I'm pregnant, not incapacitated. » she muttered angrily « especially at three weeks. »

« I'm going to remember you said that when you'll need my help. » I smirked.

« You mean when you'll have to make me roll because I'll be an ugly enormous whale ? » she muttered again.

« I'm sure you'll be as cute as a mochi. » I replied, leaning over to kiss her « I'll eat you up. »

« And I'm gonna remember you said that when I'll be fat. » she smiled, pulling back the covers on her.

I escaped a small laugh and headed out to get clean in the bathroom before going downstairs to make some tea. Since it was still very early, Nagakura and Harada weren't up yet. Well, if they slept here and not somewhere in Yoshiwara. Even if I didn't see them, I got greeted by familiar faces since Keisuke returned with Hijikata-san.

« Saito. » called Hijikata-san with furrowed brows « thank you for sending your warrior to us. Kondou-san took the army and is leading it to Nagareyama in the Aizu province. I have a few subjects to discuss with loyalists officials. I need you to organize the transfer of the Rasetsu and the weapons to Nagareyama. »

« Understood, Fukuchô. » I bowed.

« Is everything alright here ? » he asked me.

« Chizuru is making more medecine with Sannan. » I said « Toudou is concerned about the crime wave and we all seem to agree that we have an unregistered Rasetsu on the loose. Toudou thinks that Sannan is hiding something and keeps a close eye on him. Also, Nagakura and Harada are here. »

« So there's no way I can have good news once in a while... » he sighed « they're not gone yet ? »

« No, Fukuchô. » I said.

« I'm gonna talk to them before their departure. And I'll go shortly after to join Kondou when I'm done with these loyalists cowards. Are you gonna manage on your own ? »

« Yes, Fukuchô. » I nodded « Don't worry, it will be done. »

« I know... » he smiled sadly « Where's Saito-sensei ? »

« Still sleeping. » I said « the march to and from Kofu exhausted her. She needs some rest. She doesn't have the constitution of a warrior. »

_She's pregnant ! _

I wanted to tell him, share my joy but Chizuru ordered me to keep it a secret for now. I didn't understand why I could tell Harada and Nagakura but not Hijikata-san but when I mentioned it, she got mad and told me that if the commanders or the Rasetsu were to know about her pregnancy then she would tell them about my condition... I decided to keep my mouth shut as she asked even if I didn't like it at all. It could put her at risk.

« What is your opinion about Sannan, Saito ? » he asked me bluntly.

« I don't know, Fukuchô. » I admitted « I only saw him once since I got here and he seemed of sound mind. Maybe Chizuru would be a better help to you on that particular question. »

« Alright, I'll ask her. » he nodded « I'm heading out. If there's an emergency, send your warrior to Katsu-sama's mansion. I'll probably be there yelling on all these cowards. »

I couldn't help but smile a little. A sad one. As the week passed, more and more allies were turning their backs on us and the shogun. And now, even Harada and Nagakura were leaving. I would soon be the only remaining captain of the Shinsengumi since Toudou was supposed dead. Everything was falling into pieces and we were just carried by the current, fighting it the better we could without any success. Maybe what I feared the most was coming upon us, an era without the need for warriors anymore, an era without the need for me...

Hijikata-san left and I stayed alone with Keisuke, handing him a fuming cup of tea.

« Drink. » I ordered him « We have a lot of work ahead of us. »


	50. Desertion

Just as he said, Hijikata-san talked with Harada and Nagakura that afternoon but nothing he could say could change their already made up minds. I wasn't present to their meeting so I had no idea what they told each other but the outcome was to be expected. They were leaving.

Chizuru was still in our room when I saw them take their bags out of their rooms to leave.

« You found a place to stay already ? » I asked in my toneless voice, trying not to make them notice how much their departure affected me.

« Yeah » replied Harada « Ryonosuke's. »

« Ibuki ? » I asked, suprised.

Ibuki Ryonosuke was a guy we sheltered, a bit like Chizuru, when we were under Serizawa Kamo's command in the Rōshigumi. Since he left, a few days after Serizawa's assassination, I had no news of him. I didn't even know he was still alive.

« Yeah » nodded Harada with a smile « we exchanged a few letters through the years. He married his geiko and moved to Edo just after quitting the Rōshigumi. »

« Send him my regards. » I nodded « have you told Chizuru about your departure, yet ? »

« She didn't get out of your room and we didn't want to disturb her so we let her be. » said Harada « you'll tell her, okay ? »

« Nonsense. » I objected « Wait here. »

Chizuru would probably be mad at me for waking her up but she'd be even madder if I let them go without giving her a chance to see them off. As expected, she was still sleeping even if it was already past noon. I hoped this wouldn't last too long otherwise, we would soon have trouble hiding it.

« Chizuru... » I whispered.

« Hum... » was my only answer and I sighed.

« Hijikata's back. » I stated « I don't think sleeping that much is cautious if you don't want him to know. Also, Harada and Nagakura are quitting and I thought you'd like to see them off. »

« Wait, what ? » she asked, sitting up.

« Hijikata's back... » I started again to repeat what I just said to her.

« No, about Harada and Nagakura. » she said, eyes wide.

« They're leaving. » I explained.

« For... real ? I mean... Not for today or anything but... forever ? » she asked, not believing her ears.

I nodded and she dressed up as quickly as a tornado and stormed downstairs. I followed.

« O... Oy ! Chizuru ! Stop crying ! Man, Saito, do something ! » yelled Nagakura, totally panicked to have a sorrowful Chizuru thrown against his chest.

« Why ? » she asked between two sobs.

« It's because of Kondou. Well, us and Kondou, not him alone. We are just taking different paths. » explained Harada.

« Is there any way you could speak to Kondou and maybe reach a compromise ? » she asked.

« Been there. Done that. » said Nagakura calmly, stroking Chizuru's hair « Last time we really laid into each other. Almost got into a fist fight. Wonder what could have happened if we had our swo... WHAT THE HELL ?! »

« Do not worry, she's just getting a little emotional. » I explained, looking around me to be sure they weren't more witnesses.

« A little emotional ?! » he asked, looking at Chizuru's white hair and the horns getting out her forehead.

« It'll pass. » I stated « it's her demon form. »

« How can you stay so stoic when you see this ?! » he yelled.

He calmed himself and studied Chizuru's face from above before serving me a mischievous grin.

« Can I brag about making her... horny ? » he said which at least had the merit to make Chizuru chuckle.

« Nagakura. » I said in my toneless voice « Don't make me kill you. »

« I can't wait to repeat that pun to Souji. » he whispered loudly in Harada's ear who laughed sonorously.

I put my hand on the hilt of my katana and took an aggressive stance, icy eyes threatening both of them.

« Chizuru's nature isn't an information meant to be shared. If this is your intent, then you leave me no choice but to end your life here and now to protect the Shinsengumi's secrets. » I said coldly.

« Man, Souji's a Shinsengumi captain, for gods's sake ! » sighed Nagakura « he's fully aware that Chizuru's an Oni even if he'd never seen her so... horny. Damn, that pun is pure gold ! »

I got my blade out of my scabbard with tremendous speed and put it on his throat, just above Chizuru's head. I pulled her back from him and put her behind me.

« You wouldn't dare break the Code. » stated Nagakura.

« Try me. » I replied coldly.

« Saito, you hit your head or something ? It's the Code ! »

« The Code of Conduct applies to comrades. You aren't Shinsengumi members anymore. »

« Do you need me to kick your little sorry ass like back in the days ? » he grinned.

« Again, try me. » I replied.

« Hajime, stop ! » yelled Chizuru behind me.

« Okay, everyone chill out. » said Harada, getting between the both of us « I know this is your way to say goodbye to each other but can we keep swords out of it for once ? »

I nodded and took my sword away. Harada was right. I was so sad, so lost to see them leaving as well after all the comrades I already lost... I had to redirect my anger towards something and Nagakura was an easy target, strong enough to not feel threatened and forgiving easily, while giving me reasons to target him by pushing me out of my comfort zone all the time. I wondered if this idiot knew it and if he played along just to make me let out the steam. It was hard to accept that this could be the last moment all of us would share together. I turned to Chizuru who still had horns on her forehead.

« Try to calm yourself before anyone witnesses it. » I ordered.

« Okay... » she sobbed « Sorry... »

« It is of no bother. » I shook my head « But you need to learn how to control it. »

« Yeah, you're right. » she nodded, trying to calm her sobs but her hair remained white and eyes golden.

« Gods, Chizuru-chan » said Harada « you're gonna make me cry too, you know. »

« I just... I just don't understand why... You've fought with Kondou before but... Why now ? You don't believe in the Bakufu anymore ? » she asked, her focus back on the situation.

« It's not that we don't want to fight the SatCho anymore » explained Nagakura « It's just that, if I stay here, I feel like everything I've done would've started to feel like a big, fat lie. It doesn't suit me to serve some master I have no say in choosing. »

_A lie... A master you didn't choose... _

These words were resonating in me a lot more than I would have liked it to, and were starting to draw blurred lines in my once unfaltering loyalty to Kondou-san. I tried to stay as stoic as possible and ignore his words, not letting them spread doubts in my heart.

« Getting shot at by the SatCho ? No big deal. » he continued « I'm not afraid to put my life on the line or get cut or stabbed or sent to the wind by cannon fire. »

« Nagakura... » I warned, seeing Chizuru's eyes fill with tears again.

« The only thing I don't wanna regret, is look back on my life when I die and wish I did things differently when I could. » he explained softly.

I instantly perked up and an invisible shiver ran down my spine. I feared that too, realizing at the moment of my death that I made the wrong choice, that I could have done things differently. That really stucked a nerve in me although I kept my expression impassive.

« What about you, Harada ? » asked Chizuru.

« Same way, come on, screw Kondou. » he smiled « between us, it really hurts to see him acting like a buffoon lately. He acts like he got the shiniest toy in town with his new position and brags about it. It's too much for me. It never was like that when we were messing around at Shieikan Hall or chasing outlaw ronins in Kyoto. I'm fed up with his daimyo bullshit. »

« Okay... » she nodded « I understand your reasons and it looks like you put a lot of thought into it. »

Her expression was sad but it relieved me to see her act with so much maturity.

« It's not a farewell, kid » smiled Nagakura from ear to ear « We're still gonna fight the SatCho bastards so you'll probably have a lot of stories to listen to about how many asses we kicked ! »

« I'll keep my ears open, then. » she smiled, her hair getting back to their natural color, showing that she was making peace with her raging emotions « let me accompany you to the gate. »

« No need, princess. » smiled Harada « It'll only be harder for us to say goodbye. »

« Is is of no inconvenience. » I nodded « We will see you off. »

We walked together to the inn's gate and Chizuru held both of them in her arms to say goodbye. They turned their heels and started walking before Nagakura froze into place and turned back at us. He marched up to me silently and stayed there, probably looking within himself for meaningful words to say. Eventually, he sighed and put his big hand on my shoulder.

« Saito » he asked « You really plan on staying here forever ? »

_Don't ask me that. Don't spread doubt. I vowed to follow Kondou-san and so I will._

« Ha. » I nodded « the only way I can fulfill my duty as a warrior is to stay here. »

He pouted and pursed his lips, visibly dissatisfied with my answer. With a crooked expression, he seemed to deliberate to himself and gazed solemnly at me before speaking again but nothing could have prepared me for what he said.

« Just because they don't recognize you as a samurai doesn't make you any less of a warrior. » he stated as if it was an evidence. However, in my heart, it was far from being one.

« What is it that you are trying to say ? » I asked a bit on the defensive.

« Maybe you should find a place where they value you. A master that'll give you a second chance. » he said « I mean, somewhere where you can pick your clothes, your sword, your home and be with your family. Basically anything that matters to you, right ? So, who the hell decided you can't choose your own master too ? Who decided you'd have to push your daughter away, wear this shit... Soon they'll ask you to leave Chizuru-chan behind, you know that ? »

Chizuru stayed silent and so did I. That eventuality already crossed my mind but for the moment, we had time to see it coming. And as for Haruhi... She was safer with the Matsumoto anyway, even if I was missing the kid.

« Okay, Shin. » said Harada to defuse the situation « you're a vagabond now. Don't put yourself in the same boat as Saito. »

« I'm just trying to look out for him, that's all. » he muttered while handing me a small paper « here. That's Ryonosuke's adress. If you change your mind, you know where to find us. »

« Thank you. » I bowed, taking the paper but knowing already I would never use it.

« Anyway, we could stay here chatting all day but parting is such sweet sorrow and all... So, see you ! » smiled Harada.

« Farewell. » I said, stuck in the ineffable realization that this was probably the last time I saw them.

They turned their heels again but this time, they didn't come back to us and we watched them go until they disappeared at a corner. They were gone. I was the only Shinsengumi captain now. How risible to be the only one left when I didn't even have a division. My captain title was as hollow as Kondou-san's.

« Hajime ? » asked Chizuru « Do you want to stay here ? »

« Pardon me. » I said « I was lost in thoughts. We can head back. »

« We can stay a bit longer if you prefer... » she said kindly.

« It's windy. » I stated « I don't want you to catch a cold. I'll make you a hot tea. »

« Okay » she smiled and I took her hand to bring her back in the warmth of the inn.


	51. Part-4

Not sure it's the right moment to cut but nevermind I'm cutting anyway because otherwise I will have to cut some action.

Thanks a lot to everyone still reading this story ! Next part will be focused on Nagareyama and Aizu and also Chizuru's pregnancy.

I'm reading a lot of thesis and historical studies about pregnancy in the 19th century both in Japan and Europe and I'm pretty sure I'm going to have a lot of fun writing about it. There is so much bullshit ! When I realize than it's less than 200 years ago, I'm astonished. It's so archaic ! Thank gods, I live in a modern era LoL.

Anyway, do not expect a super cool pregnancy with doctors and controls and forbidden food and everything. It's gonna be an historically accurate one as much as I can (but not too much because there are things I just cannot tolerate especially in Japanese way of dealing with pregnancy at that time and I need to be comfortable with what I'm writing) using both japanese conception and european since Chizuru is really a progressist character and versed in western medecine.

Also, I received a pm about alcohol during pregnancy (chapter sake) yes, I know it's forbidden ! But at that time, things were very different and we didn't have that knowledge so Chizuru getting drunk while pregnant isn't that surprising. Do not take the advices I will give as actual advices. They are from a different time. Just warning LoL.

Also, if you are familiar with Hakuouki anime or Saito Hajime's actual historical life, please note that I'm not planning on making it totally accurate to any of these path. (Saito's route too but I think that's pretty obvious since Kazama's already dead) I already differed a lot from the « basic » Hakuouki story and I'm planning on keeping letting my imagination run free so I don't know yet everything that's gonna happen even if I have the main ideas (which still can change, as always when I decided on a path)

Please tell me what you thought about this part now that it is finished ! I'm taking some time off this weekend and I'll see you on monday for the new chapter !

Special thanks as usual to Guest, Gome, kailyn15 and Tory Ah for their support and comments ! I literally write for you, thanks for pushing me to write everyday ! I hope you will like the part 4 which will probably be the last part except if I feel like i'm not finished with my little Saito family !


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